A TBM cousin of mine just got married a month ago. He's about 24 or 25 and his wife is around the same age. For both of them, it was the first person they'd ever dated. They dated for a month and were engaged for a month. I found out a few days ago that she is already pregnant. I was baffled as to why they were in such a hurry to have kids, especially considering he's unemployed. It turns out the pregnancy wasn't planned. They had no idea how to use birth control. I guess no one explained it to them. They thought they were using birth control, but were not and are very overwhelmed with this unplanned pregnancy. I'm curious if this is common among TBMs (married, not teenagers) to not understand birth control and get pregnant unexpectedly. Anyone else know of a similar experience among young newly married Mormons?

I know you're asking specifically about Mormons, and I can't answer to that, but one of the big criticisms of abstinence-only sex education is that it does not prepare people for the possibility that they may decide to have sex someday.

Just telling teens/young adults not to have sex isn't enough. Everyone needs to know how their bodies work and how to prevent pregnancy and disease. If they choose not to have sex and don't need to apply that information, that's fine.

I agree abstinence only sex education is a problem. It definitely doesn't give teens all the facts or prepare them for the day they do have sex. And that is why I understand the problems with many teenagers having unprotected sex. But I don't understand how someone getting married in their 20s doesn't know how it works.

And what came to mind when reading this is that, for one, even in 1984, I felt I had to ask if I was allowed to use birth control as I had been taught all my life that it was not okay. My VT when I got married used the rhythm method. She had 7 kids under the age of 11 and was pregnant again.

I also was of the mistaken idea that it took more than once to get pregnant--and for many people that might be true, but not everyone.

I gave a lesson in R.S. once about educating our kids about sex and I made the statement that maybe we need to allow the schools to teach sex ed as we as mormons were certainly not teaching our kids--and the R.S. president stopped me and berated me in front of the whole class. Thankfully a middle school teacher raised her hand (a convert) and said i was correct. Even these days, a lot of mormon kids never really get the facts.

I would imagine it is a huge problem. If you are embarrassed by sex in general (like most mormons) its hard to ask or answer questions about it. I would imagine that if they got up the courage to ask they would probably get an answer that was less than clear.


The most shocking thing I've found is how little a lot of mormon girls know about periods. I knew a girl who passed out trying to use a tampon because having to navigate her own body freaked her out so much (she had used pads her whole life until then and the only supplies around were tampons, so...). I have no idea how that problem would disappear when it comes to birth control or other sexual health issues.

My mother made a point to tell me when I was only ten years old that I was a mistake. I think I had asked to see a counselor, and she segued into that little tidbit of info rather than try to help me feel better.

Then she told me that they didn't know better than to not reuse condoms. They were so thrifty and sure they were saving money.

THEN... she asked me if I remembered my old bath toys. Tub balloons.

And that's when I realized that she used to let me play with used condoms when I was in the bath tub as a child.



Stupid, clueless, and cruel.

I picture you writing this while sitting in a wheelchair in the corner of the Day Room at a mental institution, dressed in white, hair unkempt, your head tilted to the side, and drool dripping from the corner of your mouth. You also have a hand-drawn 8 1/2 x 11 paper pasted to the back of your worn wheelchair, with the name "WinksWinks" on it...

Am I close?

Sometimes a place like that sounds like it might be a nice vacation.. But no, I generally pull off an accurate impersonation of a normal person.

Oh wow... I don't understand how any parent could be comfortable allowing their child to play with something that had been on daddy's d*ck. That's so messed up on so many levels. If you have kids, I hope you don't let her bathe them. Ick.

My mom's got boundary issues. Or no boundaries. Or everyones boundaries exist for her convenience. Or who knows what the fuck goes on in her mind.

But no, no children, and generally as little contact as I can get away with.

Holy hell, WinksWinks. There are just no words.....

I agree. I'm not sure what to make of it, but all y'all appear to have it right. It's not right.
Thanks.

First off, let me apologize for my reaction. But seriously, what the fuck?!!! Mormons are fucking crazy! Did I really just loose my mind like that for the few months I was "converted"? Damn. I'm sorry for all of you lifers. I mean shit, goddamn, that's just crazy.

I'm pretty sure I got a little extra of the crazy, and some other mormons maybe got less of it because of me somehow.

But before I did, my wife & I used condoms.

You don't even have to be able to read to use condoms. The packaging has some rather entertaining drawings.

Note to condom manufacturers: Your drawings are out of date. Young women these days are into the Brazilian look. Um, OK, the young men I overhear in the locker room and at work are into women that are into the Brazilian look.

This couple was apparently using condoms but didn't realize you have to use it every time you have sex. They thought using it sometimes was enough. Sigh.

I got married in 1970. DW was TBM, but we both knew all about contraception. She was on the pill for a year. It seems kinda unlikely that they would be so naive. Of course we came of age during the sexual revolution of the 60's.

I didn't know anything about birth control until a wise former bishop who happened to be my OB with my first baby essentially talked me into it. I'm glad he did. My Mom certainly never spoke of it.

They knew how to use condoms but didn't think that they had to use them every time? This doesn't mean that LDS inc screws people up about sex, but this couple knew exactly what they were doing and are just having second thoughts now that the deed is done.

It isn't an accident if you weren't trying to prevent it in the first place.

jacob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> They knew how to use condoms but didn't think that
> they had to use them every time? This doesn't mean
> that LDS inc screws people up about sex, but this
> couple knew exactly what they were doing and are
> just having second thoughts now that the deed is
> done.


there could be more to it like they thought they didn't have to use condoms during a period or if they were planning to use the withdrawal method. These are common mistakes to make.

You know the rhythm method was designed to get pregnant, not, not get pregnant (I love double negatives). You don't want a bun in the oven, you put on a hoody, or any other appropriate protection.

A Tbm friend of mine at her reception wanted to know how to use the pill. I told her that if she hadn't started them a month ago she was too late. I suggested condoms...they had a baby 9 1/2 months later.

At her wedding shower her mother gave her "something to wear on her wedding night." It was the 2nd hand negligee that her mother had been wearing for the previous year. All the Tbm women reminded her that she should wear it over her garments.

I think I want to throw up.

Here's something a lot of people DON'T know. I didn't know it until I was 57. Lucky for my I had a tubal ligation years ago.

My niece found out she was pregnant with her first baby. Oh boy! Twins!

Her Dr. told her (after the fact) that you are twice as likely to have twins if you try having a baby right after you go off of the pill. Something like 80% of twins these days are the result of the little known birth control side effect.

If you are on the pill, and decide you want to have a baby, use some other form of birth control for the first 90 days. You will be a lot less likely to have twins.

These twins are also not identical twins. WHY? Because the mother's body is readjusting after being on the pill. It's not uncommon to drop two eggs simultaneously. The result? Fraternal twins.

Why Dr.s don't tell women this is beyond me. The first thing I did when I found that out, was tell my daughter and dil.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2012 08:51PM by Mia.

OVER her garments.......*gag*

Nothing against you whatsoever, but FYI, mormons lie, lie, lie, lie and lie about pretty much anything and everything. They are living in 2012 and they didn't know anything about how birth control works? I call bullshit. Sorry....there is no excuse. They want sympathy and more than likely the finances to deal with this. Simple as that.

One of my TBM cousins got married two years ago at 23. Her husband, a 21 year old newly minted RM, told her that he had a revelation that they were supposed to live naturally and that they wouldn't have any children until after he graduated from college because they would be protected due to their righteousness. Their first child was born 11 months later.

My mom used to "joke" that she had one child for every method of birth control, and that I was her spermicide foam baby. (I guess people used this back in the early 70s.) Needless to say, none of her seven children found this amusing.

A couple I know got pregnant on their honeymoon. Stupid kids really because they were both jobless and he was going to school. I heard secondhand from his sister that he was so stressed out from money issues and an unreliable vehicle that he was wondering why Heavenly Father didn't bless them, since they were doing all they were supposed to. Go figure. Magical thinking has a way of costing ya.

For your cousin, I would say tell him, "Ah well, live and learn." Because basically that's what it takes. On the other hand I don't really know if there is a cure for stupid.

If these people are this stupid then they should be made sterile so they can not have offspring.

I'd really like to know what they think was going happen when they started screwing? What did they think his sperm was for? 25 years old and they dont know the basics? I am pretty sure they just didnt think it would happen to them. dumb dumb dumb.

I had my first child 10.5 months after getting married and it was not planned. I was naive and very inexperienced when I got engaged (my now ex-DH was the first guy I'd ever kissed and I was 24 at the time). But I did know about birth control. We used different methods (pulling out, spericide, condoms) but I wasn't on the pill and turns out we weren't careful enough. I'd say that this sort of thing is pretty common in the church for a variety of reasons. I also think there are some TBMs who puposely don't use any kind of birth control, leaving it in "God's hands" and in that case they can't really say it's an accident.

I'm guessing this couple was just careless. But just as many newlyweds get pregnant right away on purpose. I knew many girls at BYU that wanted to have "honeymoon babies." I thought they were crazy and told myself I'd never do that, but turns out that's exactly what I did. I wouldn't do it again if I could have a do over as I was not ready to be a mom. But of course I love my kid, just wish I'd had her a few years later...

I got pregnant before I was married even though I knew all about birth control. I even used it half the time, however, I was in such denial about the true amount of control a young couple has over their hormones and how capable I was of abstaining.

I figured that as long as I was on the pill or had condoms, I was PLANNING to have sex, which was tantamount to "malice and a forethought" so-to-speak. Stupidly thought I had the willpower to say no.