omg, xyz...

we're having our first fight!

i look forward to the make-up sex...

but i get ahead of myself.

hiding one's sexual orientation at work doesn't work in the long run. if your boss is going to fire you because you're gay, then what kind of damage does one do to himself by living this kind of lie?

you can't just leave it alone. people you're with 8 hours a day are going to ask questions about your personal life. it takes an enormous amount of energy to create an elaborate lie about your entire life. and in the end, it's not going to work. people find out, and people GOSSIP... always.

it's like living as a hidden jew in nazi germany, or as a black person passing for white in the jim crow south. one slip-up and you're finished...

out of there, anyway.

if you're going to be fired for being gay, do it on your own schedule, not when some asshole outs you to your asshole boss.

i say these things humbly...

sonoma, I agree with you.

I hid who I was from my first five employers and then it got tiresome (about the same time as that other thing happening), so I didn't anymore. Hell, for 20 years I put it in the job interview as a talking point when considering working for someone. Nowadays I don't give two sh!ts whether anyone knows or likes who I am or not (I should think that would be clear at RfM, & I'm the same IRL, LOL!).

The only point I was making in that thread was to enumerate the risks. I still think that vicious Mormon gossip mill and this sucky economy are two reasons to exercise some caution about what one does in the state of Utah.

The difference between you, me, and waisted24years is that you and I happen to live in more civilized parts of the country. The stark absence of even the most basic legal protection for PLU is what compels me to categorize places like Utah as "uncivilized". Sure, there are nice well-meaning people there, but not enough, not yet...

And while I have always been more than willing to say "bite me, bitch" to an employer, it was because I always made sure I had plenty of "fuck you funds" in the bank backing me up. Without that, the only aftermath is hunger.

As far as I'm concerned, if waisted24years has the funds and/or the supportive boyfriend, he can wear big hair, a sparkly rainbow colored ballgown, and 12-inch pumps and dance a fandango on his boss' table, and more power to him. If not, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

xyz,
i exaggerated the differences between us just for the thrill of it...

i think that being discreet might be a strategy in the short run.
but you know how it is in the real world. at a certain age. if you don't have a wife or girlfriend and have demonstrated her actual existence, people are gonna assume you gay anyway.

btw- that 'certain age' in utah is what... 23?

I thot it was 21.5 ...

Ha!

I remind you, sonoma, I lived almost all my life in California. California has "hot" metrosexuals, if you are into that.

I find many of the men in Utah far hotter. There is a great contrast. The one's I am not interested in looked like religion whipped mormons, but the ranchers, HOT.

hey MJ

not really into metrosexuals so much...

rancher sound very hot!

since the end of my last relationship, i've dated fence sitters in the pre-existence exclusively.

i like to tease my current boyfriend that if he is really good in this life he can be my servant eternally in the celestial kingdom.

he slugs me and reminds me that a even a nevermo like him knows that i'm never going to make it to the celestial kingdom anyway...

Well, i really really appreciate the advice, especially from other gays. I think this is my decision. I have money stored away for a rainy 8-12 months, so really if i do end up getting let go, which is a possibility, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Im just going to go. If my boyfriend is comfortable going to a work party and hanging out with 20 people he hasn't met before, then it will happen. It would probably be aquard for me to out myself AND introduce my boyfriend, so i will try to gently break the news in casual conversation before the party. On a side note, i heard that alcohol is a-ok, even with a TBM boss, so that kind of eases some concern.

seriously, wasted24...

you're very likely to become the local hero and pet gay by coming out.

that's ALWAYS what has happened to me in the past 25 years when coming out to co-workers.

you and your boyfriend just need to put on the charm and slay that party!!! they'll be putty in your hands...

Haha, well part of my motivation is that i want to fight for what i believe in and do my part in the fight for gay rights. I want to make a statement. Im glad that you have a history of being a local hero =).

then i would encourage you to go for it! there is so much more to do in the gay movement. you're coming in to this at an incredible time. i think that history will mark this year as the beginning of the golden era of gay rights in the u.s.!

your generation is lightyears beyond where my generation was at that age. you guys are going to change the world!

you sound like a brave and bold man...

be bold, be brave!

I want to bear my testes-moaning of the truthiness of this thread...

...its the only true thread on the face of this board!

I didn't get to respond to OP. I wanted to say that you should do whatever works for you and your boyfriend. I hope everything works out well for you. Good luck dude.