I guess I haven't experienced much outside of the bubble I've been living in my whole life but my wife and I were just discussing what kind of funeral we would want to have now that we are non believers. Nice conversation topic huh? So, what are both non-denominational as well as secular funerals like?

Have your family members tie black strings to your arms, shoulders, knees, feet, and head. Then, in the middle of a quiet moment, just when everyone is about to come up and say their final goodbyes...Blast Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and have someone puppet your body around the room

...What, you've never heard that done before? Weird mormons

(Joking joking)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2012 12:00AM by missguided.

The best funeral I've been to was of a friend who died when he was 49.

He was cremated. No funeral home, or church services.
His family had a catered buffet and open bar at a local hotel. There were pictures of his life, and a movie constantly playing that they'd put together. Everyone milled around and talked about their connection to to him. It was real. It wasn't overly sad. It's the kind of funeral I would like to have.

have a party every day of your life! That is the best way to "die" IMO. But I know what you're asking. I want to be cremated and I'm going to write up a will that says my TBM family can't be any part of my funeral. Sure, they can attend, but it will be at a funeral home or event center of my choice. This sounds dumb, but I've been putting together a powerpoint presentation of my life for them to play at my funeral. I just keep adding and adding to it. That way, they are forced to see the real me and not what they hoped others would see. It's just pictures of me and my kids and of stuff we've done over the years and things I like. I do not want flowers...or rather, I don't want money spent on flowers. I would rather have them donate money to some of the causes I care about. I'm assuming my kids are grown and taken care of when this happens, if it's before then I'll setup a fund for them for college etc...and family can donate if I suddenly die. I honestly feel like my family has no idea who I really am. If things go right, my funeral will be a huge eye opener to them! It will also show them who they have missed out on all these years because of their shunning and general mormon stupidity. I also like the idea of having a death party if you know when you're going to die. For example, in the case of having cancer or something else terminal that you know you won't make it through.

After that experience, I am not planning my funeral. With my mother, we planned what we needed, funerals are for the living after all. With my father's, we didn't get what we needed. Perhaps the planning of the funeral is an important part of the grieving process.

Funerals are for the living, let them plan and create what they need.

One thing that I hope will happen would be that each of my friends and family gets a small portion of my ashes to take and spread at a place that was important to our particular relationship. If that is what they need, it would be great. I would not want to force it on them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2012 12:07AM by MJ.

Okay, maybe this might give you some ideas...


I don't want a mormon funeral. Unfortunately as of now, my wife has told me that since I'll be dead, she'll do what she wants and she'll deal with me later.

So, what do I want (that I am pretty sure I won't get)...

1.) Direct cremation. It will piss me off to no end if money is wasted on a traditional funeral, casket, and related bullsh*t.

2.) Put my ashes temporarily in a handblown glass vase. (Hopefully one made by me.)

3.) Stick it on a shelf until a family reunion (for family and friends too) can be planned and held without causing a burden or hardship on all those that want to attend. To those that don't come--I understand and say, "Bite Me."

4.) The reunion should be fun. It is a time to celebrate what's really important--each other and life. I want no preachin'. I would like it if stories and memories were shared by anyone so inclined. Maybe a picture/slide show video of the people in my life that were important to me. Plenty of music, see list below. Lots of good food--stuff that I like. Good NY thin-crust pizza, cheese-steaks, mexican street tacos, catfish, jambalaya, and pulled pork BBQ. Dessert will be hand-crafted italian water ice.

5.) When it's over, take me out on a boat in the ocean and scatter my ashes. (Keep the vase though.)

Some of the music that I like. Songs were chosen for the meaning that each have to me.

And So It Goes - Billy Joel
My Baby’s Gone - Sticks McGhee
Danny Boy - Harry Connick Jr.
The Living Years - Mike + the Mechanics
(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher - Jackie Wilson
All This Time - Sting
Rapper’s Delight - Sugarhill Gang
Learning to Fly - Tom Petty
In a Little While - Uncle Kracker
Heaven (Must Be There) - Eurogliders
Silly Love Songs - Wings
Imagine - John Lennon
Over the Rainbow - Jane Monheit
The Rainbow Connection - Sarah McLachlan
In My Life - John Lennon
Circles Around Me - Sam Bush
Near to You - A Fine Frenzy
The Promise - Tracy Chapman
One More Day - Diamond Rio
Break So Easy - Johnathan Rice
Let the Light In - Bob Schneider


Here's my other alternative for my funeral if no one is willing to torch me...

Simple wooden box. (A sheet or two of plywood ought to do it.) No liner, no vault, preferably no formaldehyde unless absolutely necessary because of time/decomp stink. Dress me in a pair of jeans and a denim shirt. Throw it in the back of an old pickup truck. Take me up in mountains/hills of TN. My friends and family get to dig the hole by hand and put me in it. Cover me up. Gotta have a banjo player (clawhammer/old-time) and maybe someone flat-pickin' a guitar too. People can say a few words if they like, someone else to offer a simple prayer for my family. Head on out and go eat, visit, listen to some more music. Enjoy each others' company.

Oh, and before I go in the box, harvest every last usable bit from me that could benefit other people if at all possible.

That sounds like a beautiful and incredibly personal funeral :) I can tell you've put quite some thought into it; you even have a menu. Make sure you're family or whomever gets a copy of this.

I told my mom to dump me in the ground and to just make sure nothings showing. I dont want any of that traditional casket stuff either

Bore a hole and bury me standing up...with a beer in my hand..and then have a party.....and PLEEEEESE...no friggin' church bull$hit!!

Ron Burr

Seriously, I have lost my TBM family and literally all my Mormon friends. My funeral would be another way to display my humiliation at having zero friends! No friends would send flowers, either. My children would be embarrassed.

I left specific funeral instructions, stapled to my Will. It's what my children want, too. I have paid for everything in advance, even my headstone, with instructions on what is to be carved on it. I want only a graveside service. I am living the life of my dreams right now, and someday I will slip away unnoticed. I'm not the type that likes a fuss made over them.

Some people write their own obituary. That might be a good idea, if you don't want your church callings, mission, BYU, etc. mentioned. Obits are expensive, so keep it short. Sometimes people just send out an e-mail with photos. Sheesh, they could just post it on Fakebook.

A close friend--a never-married non-Mormon--left money in an account to pay for a catered luncheon for her friends, and it was lovely. People got up and told stories and memories about her. Her mother was the guest of honor, and I know it cheered her up, for a while.

I agree that you should ask your family what they want.

I've thought about this off & on for years.

As of right now, I would want:

Cremation
any service is NOT to be held in a mormon church (any church for that matter)
When I'm burnt up, I don't want to be wearing the temple garb.
I want my ashes split up between the places I called "home" during my life. I've designated a quiet spot in Japan for the 2 years I lived there as well.
I'm torn on music. That sh!tty song "Oh, my father" has been played at every family members funeral going back a hundred years. But I hate it, so it's out.
I need to have a drag queen there. It's just not a funeral unless there is a drag queen.

They can dump my remains in the back yard. I can take it longer than they can.

No embalming. No fake makeup. No money on a box. Cremation, mix me up with my dogs and Hubby and pop me in the ocean or another natural place where we will not be a bother. I do not want to be drained, filled up with crap, painted like a puppet then viewed like some weird thing in a fish tank. Some one is sure to let you guys know and I suppose the fam will insist on something in the paper but if possible I will write it myself and it will be BRIEF. Basic stats and my advice for the ages - Be EXCELLENT to each other and PARTY ON. Everyone hoists a drink and gets on with the business of living.

The deceased had picked it specially for the occasion. It was some song that went "If you don't know me by now, you will never, never, never, never, never, never know me." (I think it was an R&B song from the early 70's.) It was oddly though morbidly fitting

When I die I want Nawlins funeral.

So I would want my kids to do whatever gives them the most peace, even if it's telling the morgue to light the fire and scoop the ashes in the trash. I just don't want to know about it beforehand if that's their wish. They do know, however, how much I hate the cold and I've told them that if they put me in the cold, dark ground, I'll haunt them forever. My son said that was too scary, they want my hanuting to end when I die. Smartass. He also wanted to make sure I knew what cremation entailed and said "Mom, you know that when they cremate you there comes a point where you just combust." I told him that I wanted him to know that the moment when I was so hot I combusted (I'm ALWAYS cold), would be the happiest moment of my life. Or non-life. But I do think it can be very helpful to them if they are questioning what they should do and knew your wishes, especially if they are unsure about cremation. I know someone who just couldn't do it because she didn't want her father's family to think she was just trying to weasel out of spending money, although that was a concern. It would really have helped if they'd known that was his wish.

I want my memorial service to just be a rememberance of the good times, if they can think of any. I've been to some awesome memorial services in the past few years, unfortunately. They've all been cremations and they were all different but such a great tribute to the person. One guy played in a blue grass band and his band played his favorite music. One of my friends had terminal cancer, so she picked her songs and they did play the ones she wanted. Several had slide shows of pictures of them and I really enjoyed that. After each one I walked away thinking, "wow, I knew that person." I'd just hope someone walks away feeling they were lucky in their life because they knew me and maybe someone will have learned something from me that will go on.