If I am so lucky to be asked to say prayer over our feast I want to do it non mormon--but I don't know how! :( I need help.... I don't know how to start a damn prayer from years of brainwash without "Dear Heavenly Father, thankyou for this food, blah freaking blah".

I don't want to say anything about blessing the food or the hands that prepared it. I want to give thanks that family that traveled here got here safely and that we get to spend time with them and I want to throw something in there about us remembering throughout the year how to help people in need and realize how lucky we are to have our health, etc. I don't want to end it "in the name cheese and rice" (Actually I'm really tempted to say it really fast and say cheeseandrice---and throw a sweet baby jesus in there somewhere).

I need help with the beginning and end pretty please! :) I want to make a point, and keep it a non religious "prayer".

Thanks in advance!!

You can always say

"Good food. Good drink. Good lord. Let's eat!"

Ha ha! That would be awesome if I could muster that! The looks on that faces would be priceless!

"O God, hear the words of my mouth.........."

Or,if you don't think you can quite pull that one off, and don't want to shock anybody, you could always say "Our father in heaven....." and then go on to say what you are honestly grateful for. I don't know if that would work for you because you don't say if you believe in God or not, but in any case mormons are certainly not the only ones who give thanks for their food. They might be the only ones who ask for Jell-o to "nourish and strengthen their bodies", but there is nothing exclusively mormon about saying something about being sincerely grateful to be with your family (assuming you are!) or that you are thankful for the food before you. I think as long as it is sincere it won't be mormony.

Or totally non-religious- Beginning:"Gathered here together today we wish to express our gratitude for........." Ending: And may we all look forward to another year of happines and joy." Or something like that.

Very good approach. I like this..

Swing thy hammer and smash our foes, yea, even those ugly mechanical things from outer space that thine troublesome adopted brother hath afflicted upon us.

At this special holiday time, while we feast in honor of the birth of a competing God, even Jesus Christ, we beg thine indulgence and forgiveness.

Thine cape is most awesome and thine biceps are totally ripped. Please find Natalie Portman and finish what thou started in the first film.

Amen.

Love it! Always found the ancient "gods" more interesting than ours...

Maybe there's something you can use on this site.

It's different pagan and yuletide prayers. The mormons won't recognize anything, but that's ok. I think its good for them to be brought out of their comfort zone once in awhile.

http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/yulethelongestnight/qt/YulePrayers.htm

Udda Budda Bless the fooda. Or, Father, Son and Holy Ghost who eats the fastest gets the most. Or, bless the bread and damn the meat, grab some plates and let's all eat.

Just say the lard's prayer, goddamit.

No one will get offended, except of course the Mormons, which is the point. If they raise concerns, call them un-Christian and that will shut them up real fast.

Dear Lord, please bless these poor souls who think that they will die of poisoning if we don't bless the food. Please watch over them as they waste a lifetime worshiping nonsense. Please help them overcome their burning desire to play dumb, and to offend. Oh and Lord thank you for showing me that you are not real. In the name of freedom, Amen.

Rub-a-dub-dub.....Thanks God for the Grub..

Here is the grace we said as kids...


"God is great. God is good, Let us thnk Him for this food.
God plus Grandma...Amen"

The last part "God plus Grandma" was taken after Joe+Kim in a heart symbol signifying they were together.

My grandmother was dead when we were saying this grace

I forgot that one! Also, there's the Sherrif John version: God is great and god is good. Thank you for our daily food. Bless us even as we pray. Guid and keep us through this day. Amen.
Funny how I still remember that.

When my TBM family asks me to offer a prayer, I tell/ remind them that I feel thankful often, and I take the time to reflect and give thanks for things in my life on a regular basis....not because I'm sitting down to eat or because its expected of me for the occasion.

In other words, feel thankful all the time and do it on a personal level, not outwardly with a prayer for any specific event or occasion.

Then they nod in agreement like I'm wise beyond my years.....but with a puzzled look....and ask one of the TBM family members to say the prayer.

"Ancient Spirits of Evil, Transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra: the Ever- Living!"

We sometimes sing "The Doxology" 'Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly host, praise father son and holy ghost. amen.' Probably too trinitarian for mormons.....

Thank you all for the advice and the giggles!!! :)

Without a doubt, one of the funnest post I have ever read. Since leaving the church I have found more joy, peace, FREEDOM, and it comes from my ability to laugh at myself for being such a dork and adhering to the whimsical nonsense of "TRUE" belief and especially prayer. What a joy to be finally free.

the sun, the rain, and the appleseed. Oh, the Lord is good to me."

From the Disney Johnny Appleseed annimated movie.

FYI...you might find this interestig. Some Jews give prayers after the meal, not before, based on a few scriptures in the Old Testament.

My family and I have now skipped the prayer ritual in the beginning, and in practicality, it doesn't usually happen at the end, either. But when we have done that, it actually feels a lot more real, since you feel full and can be more grateful for it.

If we miss the prayer at the end (people leave the table at different times), we usually pray to thank God for being full and satisfied at the end of the day, if we do pray.

I don't pray as much as I did as a Mormon, so that doesn't happen every day.

I would just politely decline. "No, thanks," would be sufficient in my opinion.

I think you should suggest "The True Order of Prayer" and ask that some people, including couples, come to the front....

See how that goes.

I usually give a hearty "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God!"

Speaking of "cookie cutter Mormon prayers" has anyone ever noticed that there is even a cookie cutter cadence to Mormon prayers? "Dear Heavenly Father, we...thankyouforthis daaaayy...we ask that....etc, etc, etc" They are always recited in the same sing-song voice...drives me nuts.

Heavenly Father, Holy Ghost, please God bless those who eat the most!