I was having a discussion with my wife tonight about temple worthiness. A year or so ago, I chose not to attend the temple any more because I wasn't getting anything out of it spiritually. I consider it to be a bizarre and very strange experience that makes my mind scream what the fnck?? over and over again.

Since this awakening, I have had my eyes open to the controlling nature of the whole temple product. It is specifically designed to bind people to the church through obedience to the prescribed rules. It is the grand prize of all grand prizes. If you are considered temple worthy by your mormon family and mormon peers, you have arrived at the peak of mormonism. You are on the path to eternal immortality.

I had a second awakening tonight.

I'm a second class mormon citizen in the eyes of my family and specifically my wife all because I don't wear the regulation underwear. The past 14 years of my marriage are considered disposable to my wife because I don't carry the card that allows me past the old men wearing white suits who guard the entrance to the house of the lord. I am a second class citizen, a name on the list of endowed members without temple recommends. I am the broken link of the eternal chain, the empty chair in the celestial room.

I am the unworthy one.

All of the personal success in every other aspect of my life is over shadowed by one simple piece of paper I no longer desire to have possession of. One little card called the temple recommend.

I am unworthy.

Yet I am free. Free to think, free to choose, free to live.

I am free from the bonds of unbridled pressure aimed at getting my ass in one of those chairs, dressed in white, apron on the left shoulder, then on the right shoulder. I am free, no longer dressed in the garments and robes of the holy priesthood, waiting my turn to go up to the veil to answer the proverbial question... what is wanted?

I am free to see beauty in my surroundings without judging others. The blinders that once caused me to feel elite and special are no longer on my eyes. I can see that this human experience called life has more to offer than stale white bread, casseroles, and Monday night treats. I can see that this human experience called life has numerous new emotions and experiences to offer me if I so desire to search them out.

I can see, I am free, and yet I am considered unworthy.

Life is great, and not really dark at all. It's actually quite sunny. Congratulations on questioning the authorties!

Enjoyed your post- very well said. But you are forgetting one thing. YOU are free to free yourself from the judgemental people. If you can not live life to the fullest due to their criticism and them "feeling sorry" for you, then you still consider them more important than YOU. You need to do some soul searching. You sound like a great person with a good mind and I would hate to see you dwell yr. after yr. on their assessment of you as "unworthy". It is your duty to search out those new experiences and emotions you referred to. Don't remain in this hole they put you in. Best of luck and your best line in my opinion is when you took the blinders off - you realized you aren't the elite and special person (Mormon) they pretended and taught you to be. You are just a regular human being who no longer wishes to elevate yourself but just wishes to mingle and appreciate all people.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/09/2011 10:52PM by honestone.

"Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews. Power in the Priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity through all generations of time and through all eternity."

I've been out for almost 7 years and it's still on the tip of my tongue.

It's cult brainwashing.

Congratulations...you did the right thing.

You said it perfectly!

;o)

<severe shaking>
Do not let someone else tell you what you are. You can look at your own life and decide whether or not you've been a good person. If you have, you are worthy. As long as you let TSCC destroy your self-esteem, you aren't free.

Think about the deceptions, lies, and evil done by the Mormon church. Do you really think institution such as this can determine your worthiness?

Can a spade a spade. The Morg is rotten to the core. You aren't.

You're also free to admit the uselessness of that god-awful ceremony.