In all honesty, I'm confused. As a teen exploring my own sexuality I feel little to no desire for anyone, male or female, no strong attraction. There have been a couple I experimented with, but even that didn't go far before I felt physically ill. Maybe that's why I don't feel attracted to anyone? Trying to avoid that physical illness?

I only ever feel this sickness when someone is flirting with me or trying to be physical with me. If I reciprocate, the sickness worsens; it feels like nausea. I soaked up the content in those chastity meetings, bishops interviews, and etc., committed those perverted principles to memory and shamed myself for getting the least bit horny. Gotta stay worthy to bless the sacrament and go to the temple ya know? I never imagined those firesides and interviews would have had this strong of an effect on me, especially to the point of physical sickness.

I don't know how to reverse this, it's almost a survival instinct, a deep-seated fight or flight knee-jerk reaction. Does anyone else have experience with being physically ill when someone expresses a sexual interest in you? Did you ever get rid of this conditioned instinct?

I'm no help really. For me it only happens when I think of my TBM ex-wife ;)

My advice is to try to narrow down where the trigger for your reaction actually is. Start with looking at Victoria's Secret catalogs (wink, wink) and progress from there. If it is only interpersonal encounters that cause you to have this reaction, perhaps you'd want to see a non-LDS therapist. If money is an issue, perhaps a nearby university with a psychology program may have a professor with the proper experience who would be interested in your case (anti-sex religious conditioning within LDS Church produces reaction of nausea within teenage male/female upon any hint of sexual attraction in social situations).

Best of luck to you!

Thanks Way Out. It's only in inter-personal relationships when I feel an almost overwhelming feeling of nausea. The only problem with seeing a therapist right now is my parents and the fact that I'm underage. One more year to go though...

Hmmmm, maybe talk to a school counselor (if you have one that you can trust to keep things private if you so request) to see if they know of what options you have to get your questions answered about why you may be producing this reaction. You could do the classic, "If I had a friend who had a problem he/she wanted to talk to a therapist or psychologist about but didn't want his/her parents to know about it, what options would there be?"

i had similar problems, although it turns out I actually had ulcerative colitis and i listened to my TBM parents who convinced me it was just nerves.

Wow, Strykary. I almost feel like I could have posted that. I'm 17 and I can't think about sex without feeling physically ill. In fact, yesterday I was reading on a sex-related topic when my vision faded and I nearly passed out. I think I'm asexual. I wish I could help you but I think I'm just as confused as you are.

...not if the thought of sex makes you ill and causes you to almost pass out.

People who consider themselves asexual have little to no interest in sex, but it doesn't make them sick.

I'm not a therapist, but I do have family members who have had therapy for trauma. Your reaction to what you read sounds similar to what used to regularly happen to one of them: it turned out to be PTSD. A non-LDS counselor could probably help you understand where the aversion is coming from. It's worth figuring out now so you don't spend years avoiding relationships that could bring you great joy.

Not being interested in sex is one thing. Panic and fear at the possibility is something else entirely.

My first thought, listening to this, was that someone had traumatized the OP sexually. Perhaps it was a case of being molested, or maybe it was just church indoctrination.

Asexual, as was posted, is simply being disinterested. I've got a low enough sex drive to be pretty close to asexual (although it isn't non-existant).

I also have some stress reactions to physical intimacy, however, which are a direct result of encounters when I was very young, very naive and very impressionable. (No, I wasn't actually molested, though.)

Thanks for the advice, Athena.

I've never been molested.

Not trying to say you were, just that it's one of many reasons for such a reaction. Note that I also indicated that church indoctrination can be traumatizing. In fact, if one or more of your parents was hyper-strict about sexuality and it's "sinfulness" that could have a traumitizing effect too.

No worries, Rebeckah. And yes, my parents are super-strict about sexuality. For example, whenever sex is mentioned (not shown - mentioned) on TV, the channel is changed. And it's not just my parents, it's my whole extended family.

Seriously, think about some good counseling. I think this is indoctrinated (based on what you've said) and since you recognize the problem there's a good chance it can be overcome with some good therapy. I realize you might have to wait on that but there's no rush to be sexually active anyway. You've got many years ahead of you to enjoy that activity so just give yourself permission to wait until you can talk things out with a good counselor. :)

That may be the reason, Cristina. I like definitive answers, if that's the way I am then that's the way I'll be. However, I was sexually traumatized at a summer camp five years ago. I don't want to go into details, but there was an incident that involved me...



Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Seriously, think about some good counseling. I
> think this is indoctrinated (based on what you've
> said) and since you recognize the problem there's
> a good chance it can be overcome with some good
> therapy. I realize you might have to wait on that
> but there's no rush to be sexually active anyway.
> You've got many years ahead of you to enjoy that
> activity so just give yourself permission to wait
> until you can talk things out with a good
> counselor. :)

Yeah, about getting online, I almost always have to browse the board on my PSP web browser, not the best way but it works. I've been patient so far, so I can be patient for a little while longer. Thanks all for the advice.

I discovered I was (mostly) asexual recently, but it also coincided with mental illness. But I do not feel ill when I think about sex. When people talk about sex its a lot like they are talking about tennis or golf. There's just very little interest in following it.

The fact that you feel sick about it seems to suggest that it's more brain-washing than anything.

But if you start to feel unusually paranoid or everything becomes flat to you (not just sex), than it's time to talk to a doc.

Both of you who've posted saying you are 17, it may be that the pressure to be sexual in our society while you are still young could be a big factor. Growing up in this society where full adul- like sexual behavior is assumed to be normal and healthy between teenagers, juxtaposed against a Mormon culture where all sexuality is considered a sin outside of marriage could be very confusing.

But don't dismiss the fact that the general societal expectation that teenagers should be having sex could have a great impact on how you feel.

Sex among teenagers can be very destructive. Including the fact that engaging in adult sexuality before you are an adult short circuits the necessary acquisition of discipline in delaying gratification, something you will need throughout adult life to succeed in other areas of life.

It could possibly be that your own internal sense of what you need at this stage of your life (that you're not ready to have a sex life with another person) is conflicted because of the pressure and assumption in the culture that 17 year olds are old enough to have sex. Maybe you should feel nauseas at the thought of having sex this young. As long as sex itself is not what makes you feel ill, but getting close to actually having sex with someone makes you feel that way. It could be a self protective response. Nothing to be ashamed of.

You are still developing and your feelings about sexuality just a few years out of puberty is hardly evidence that you will be asexual when you are more adult and more ready to integrate sexuality and emotion and adult responsibilities. That's how sex is supposed to be in a healthy individual, an integration of sexuality with emotion and responsibility. So maybe you are healthier than you realize.