I recently came out to my mother and this is a sampling of her counsel to me in an email....

"I think you have been greatly deceived by Satan"

"I am sorry you have chosen to break your covenants and sorry for the consequences that you will face now and it the eternities"

"You have broke my heart and will break the heart of those in the family that love you. "

" I think it is your responsibility as a father to be in Church with your children even if you have questions."

"I don't need to "investigate" Church History. I know it is not perfect and I know their are questionable things but I do also have faith that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and that we are here to be tested and tried and having faith is a big part of that!"

Arrggh! The church is all about manipulating people. I'm not even sure if/how to respond as it is obvious she has no respect for my choices.

>>I'm not even sure if/how to respond as it is obvious she has no respect for my choices.

I'm sorry you have no respect for my choices. (?)

cutting off contact with my parents was the best thing I did - after about a year they had a much more... measured approach to me

it still sucks that I can feel the loss of their respect - but at least I don't have to deal with the threats ("consequences that you will face now") and the emotional manipulation ("broke my heart") anymore

anyway, I wouldn't respond

Just know that you're not alone. We just came out to the inlaws, and pretty much all of the statements made to you were made to us. It's frustrating!

<"You have broke my heart and will break the heart of those in the family that love you.">

Only some of the family actually loves you, while the others don't? Lovely mormons!

Sorry, I just thought that was ridiculous. No wait, the whole thing was ridiculous and can be written off. Aren't you glad you don't think like that anymore?

If you really feel you need to broaden her viewpoint, you can try logic and reasoning, but don't expect to get very far. You can always quote the article of faith about being free to worship whatever you choose.

You could also try explaining that god gave you a brain which he expects you to use in figuring everything out, by examining both sides of issues - why would he expect you to turn off your brain when it comes to religion? Because once you turn off your brain, you've already waded heavily into confirmation bias territory and you cannot think your way out - of anything.

John 8:32 - And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Proverbs 14:18 - The simple inherit folly: but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

Matthew 24:11 - And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

+1

Good scriptures!

Posted in wrong place



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2013 02:04AM by DonQuijote.

it's always the same canned replies from TBM's. She did forget to mention that she was sorry you were offended though!

I would strive for mutual respect. I would tell her that while you respect the fact that her faith is important to her, you no longer share that faith. In fact, at least 98% of the people on this planet do not share her faith and likely never will. That's an awful lot of "God's children."

Actually more than 98%. The mormon church is FAR under 1% of the world population

I ran across a response on here a few days ago that I'm going to use, and recommend other people use in this situation.

"That was an inappropriate email for you to send me. Don't ever send me anything like that again."

Don't argue any points, don't defend yourself, just leave it at that. If they can't respect that, then maybe a cooling off period is best. It's hard enough to find out the truth, and to have to face leaving the church, losing friends, and more. It's just unbearable to be told these things as well, and you don't have to put up with it.

"Mom, do you not realize the things you have just told me sound like a brainwashed person who is a part of a cult?" Imagine if someone in Scientology or the Branch Davidians just told you what you told me.

Again I would revert to, "Go piss up a rope." Crude, but passes the right message.

Lot of "I" statements there. She's not interested in what you have to say or feel and she is certainly not interested in a real dialogue. Sometimes we have to just set our email to automatically put parents emails into their own folder. Dont read them until youre in a place where you can be sure that her words of selfishness wont hurt you.

Sorry you are dealing with this junk :-\ im afraid responding will only feed it and make it worse.

I would probably just say, "I'm sorry that you're unhappy with the choices I've made for myself. All that I ask is that you respect them, as they are right for me."

Then if she can't respect your choices, all bets are off. You're under no obligation to respect her beliefs either.

When my father died I didn't feel any grief, I only felt relief. At last, no more horrid letters from him. That's a sad heritage to leave behind.

I hope, somehow, you can reconcile with your mother, but it may have more to do with her than you. Still, give it a try.

Say do you mean those covenants I was tricked into making where you pantomime your own death?

In my experience all the TBMs I have told are so nutted up about the covenants. and the fact is they were tricked into it too.

I really think this is a huge psychological lever, it is a shared experience that if happened to your teenage son at high-school would cause a lawsuit over hazing. but since you are a player you have to hold on as well.

of course this is a snippy response, using it might create more distance. but I think some people need a wake up call to hear the message. and if you do it at least leave them a tidbit for their shelf

Dear Mother,

Please be advised that I do not desire to have any further contact with you until such time as you are able to conform to the 11th Article of Faith of your church:

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

Please notice that there is no exception for family members.

I refuse to put up with your cruel atrocious behavior.

Your son.

If you do decide to respond to her, my only piece of advice would be to avoid apologizing to her. Don't say you're sorry you disappointed her, or you're sorry her heart is broken, or you're sorry the family doesn't understand. You have nothing to be sorry about. You cannot take responsibility for her feelings, and offering any kind of apology is admitting fault for what you've learned about TSCC. It's not your fault, not in the least.

I know this clip is from Big Love, but despite that, what she said reminded me of how this mother treated her daughter after her excommunication. I thought Mormons were supposed to be Christlike? It's too she doesn't have any respect for your choices but hopefully one day she will realize that by treating you like this just pushes you away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfksJAsq-yo



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2013 02:05AM by DonQuijote.

Your email is why many think the church is a cult and that mormons only quote the 11th article of faith when they say mormons have no respect for other's religion or choices.

If I could write a letter to my 85 yo mother.

Mom,
I've discovered the truth about the church that you and I were raised in.
It was created by a con man and his family. There are many ways to prove this through documentation.

It makes me so sad that Your parents, my parents, and me and my siblings were all raised in a false religion that was put together by a conman. He had many cohorts and supporters that kept the con going, even after he died. BY was by far the worst of them.

So, for many generations our family has ben manipulated, controlled, used, robbed, and held spiritual and emotional hostages of this false religion. So many lives broken and wasted. So many people who could have been so much more. So many dreams stolen and shattered. Especially for the women. My heart breaks for us women. For what and who we could have been, but now will never be.

I know this letter will make you feel angry. It seems like my mere existence has put you in a rage for the last 60 years. That's not my fault. As my mother, you should have worked out what your issues were instead of trying to paste them onto my spirit. They weren't my issues to fix, they were yours. I am kindly handing them back to you. I don't want them.

I'm no longer mormon. It was your decision that I should be one, not mine. Mormonism isn't good for me. It steals my life and kills my soul. It wants me to do the same for my daughter. Wild horses couldn't make me do that to my daughter.

I saw her the other morning. We were at the bridal shop trying on wedding dresses. She's found her love. Her face is so lit up.We had a difficult time finding the right dress. Not because it didn't have sleeves, or the lace was sheer. No, it was because they all looked beautiful on her. No old man on slc was mandating what she could or couldn't wear on her wedding day.

Same with her husband. The church has no say. She has chosen a man who adores her for who she is. He loves that she wears her tops a bit too tight. He loves her lingerie collection. He loves celebrating with champagne and her. He adores her sleek red hair. Her sense of humor, and is grateful they don't have to work through mormon problems. He adores everything about her. He's not the same race or culture. They look at it as a way to make holidays more interesting. They enjoy blending their cultures. They are so happy.

Anyone who wants to come to her wedding and give a toast to their new life, can. Nobody will have to wait outside. How insulting is that. If I couldn't go to her wedding I would cry and cry. It would break my heart. She's my only daughter. I adore her.

My point is, we have broken free. We are happy. we are free to love, and care for our family in the way that they need to be. The world is a happier more joyful place. I wish I could have had that with my own mother. The church got in the way and took it away from us.l

Just beautiful, and so heartbreaking. I'm glad you're free.

Mom you may never understand but I believe I am standing up for the truth and what is right. I am breaking the shackles of this religion inherited by my family so that my future generations will not be in bondage to a bunch of lies and will be free to make up their own minds about what makes sense to them with my full love and blessing. They will not have to experience shame simply because they follow their hearts. And my heart tells me you are believing, supporting and perpetuating false things. And that is nothing you should feel proud of.

Thanks for all the support guys. I really appreciate it!