My husband and I are sheltering a young woman 38 who was released from prison one year ago. She had been living with her mother, our neighbor, who died in her sleep in May leaving C. with no place to go. She has been in and out of trouble all of her adult life, sexually abused by step-father, her own father suicided, just a litany of unfortunate circumstances and bad decisions. Long story short, she was befriended by the service missionaries in the ward where she lived with her mother and where we live. We are not morms, although I grew up in Provo many years ago. So these missionaries gave her a min wage job in their little business and have guilted her into going to church, praying for a testimony, nag her to pay tithing, you can imagine the scene. C. has completed all her conditions of parole thus far, groups, classes, UAs, and is drug free. But she is starting to crack under the strain and pressure of these people wanting more participation from her that she can't honestly give. She feels obliged to cooperate because they have given her a job but so far their actions appear more like bounty hunters than Christians offering help in time of need. They treat her like a little child, express "disappointment" when she skips church or attends another one she likes. I know she needs to stand up for herself, get another job, move away from this situation and so does she. I guess I'm just venting and hoping that mormons who monitor this site, and you know they do, read this and learn about the harm that this sort of pressure can do to fragile individuals. She is genuinely doing her best, struggles to pay the bills she has accumulated from past actions, and just doesn't need this sort of "help." I try to stay out of her decision making process because, initially, I figured if it actually gave her hope and comfort who was I to interfere. It's been a year and all it's given her is ulcers and more guilt. Thank you all for listening. Any comments you may have will be appreciated so much.

We were raised free of indoctrination, and pretty much church-free until my mother died. My dad needed help with her funeral, and the price was handing over his children for baptism. If I had been a little older I would not have been so stupid to believe what the missionaries told me. I was manipulated, and told that's what my mother wanted as her dying wish. I know now that was not true.

Standing her ground will pay off. Letting them persuade or guilt you is caving under a peer pressure no better than any other peer pressure. Women are second class citizens in TSCC. Fellowshipping is often mistaken for friendship by people who are used to genuine friendship. It is a false community. All my friends, some of many years, dropped me when I left, except one, and I had to cut her off, because she constantly preached at me, and it was extremely traumatizing. It was like my "friends" never knew me despite all the things we had done together. If she is not baptized they will probably still pursue her, but you have to be persistent, and find good friendships elsewhere.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2013 03:32PM by atheist&happy:-).

And that's EXACTLY what happened. They swooped in and just took over after the mother died. Pretended to "take care" of everything, threw a big mormon funeral and then stuck C. and her sibs with the bills which they couldn't afford. It was shameful to see. Thank you for sharing your experience and your very kind advice. I believe C. will find her voice and her LEGS and walk away from this eventually.

It does not seem legal to do such a thing.

My dad went to TSCC, but some of them did show up with food when she died. Before, however, it was my Scientologist, and Methodist aunts, and Lutheran, and Baptist neighbors who took care of us when my dad was with my mom during her hospital stays. Morgbots are predators.

They have all been in and out of trouble for years, including the dead mom, no extended family or anyone to advocate for them. The just got railroaded into these expenses because "that's what you do." You know how it is in times of grief; you want to do the "right" thing; you don't do this every day, or ever. It was just ugly to see. The funeral was only the beginning: meddling, surprise visits, little gifts. My husband and I shelter and feed her since her little wage is so pitiful once everything is deducted. And we'll be the "bad guys" when she chucks the cult. Oooh. Sounding a little bitter, huh? Don't mean to, but it's just, well, you know. Thanks again for letting me sound off. (I may have to go buy some cigarettes. This is dredging up some ugly stuff. :))

put her in touch with all of us on this board and we will fix her mormon obligatory feelings in a jiffy...

Best thing you can do is just be a good friend to her, and also let her know a little about cults and how they can come in different varieties, colours, shapes and sizes.

Help her acquire a healthy hobby as a release. And maybe help her find a different job that so she isn't beholden to (or guilted into) being Mormon for it. Just my 02 cents

You see, when they give her a job (even if they mean well), the cult wins because it will get a 10% cut of her salary (if she accepts their belief that she owes 10% to Mormonism)

Hers is such a long story, I know it came out fragmented. The mishs are seniors who are "serving" in the town where they live and have their business, which is where she works. When I see these folks I have to bite my tongue and swallow the blood, so the part about this site being monitored by "the church" was my passive-aggressive way of dealing with my NOT dealing with them directly. Does that make sense? You all have been so kind and supportive. (I heard somewhere that no one wants advice, they just want corroboration. :)) I will have C address this forum herself. It seems like it will be a great source of comfort and hope to her. Thank you all so much.

She could also throw the bs back at them. She's going through a rough time and should the missionaries and church members show some love and compassion. Isn't that what Jesus would do?

ya, fuck the church and please let this woman go and do for herself. She needs a sense of self worth and some self esteem. She will NEVER find either at a mormon church. What she needs is some counseling about how to escape a cult.

She has to rebuild a life while under previous pressures. I'd do everything I could, while still maintaining proper boundaries, to get her away from them. Help her find another job, help her go to some other church as it sounds like she wants that. She probably needs every dime she earns but she's giving them to that church. I always felt tithing should be more of a suggestion than a requirement, especially for people like her.

Sounds like you have to throw up some sort of layer of defense and help her out. Obviously, the Morg is not doing her any favors. They appear to be doing what they do best, destroying a life.

This is such bs.

<So these missionaries gave her a min wage job in their little business>

What business do missionaries run???

<I guess I'm just venting and hoping that mormons who monitor this site, and you know they do, read this and learn about the harm that this sort of pressure can do to fragile individuals>

You came onto this site so that the Mormons that monitor this site can read it??? "And you know they do..."????

<threw a big mormon funeral and then stuck C. and her sibs with the bills which they couldn't afford>

Mormon funerals are free. What bills????? What sibs??? First time they were mentioned.

I am not sure what this is all about, but I ain't buying it. Goes with my name. If I am a skeptic of unsubstantiated mormon stories, why should I buy into a story that makes no sense?

She did mention "service missionaries." I guessed that referred to some senior couple who is doing a service mission within their own stake. They could have a small business I suppose. My dad and stepmonster were just called to do senior service mission within their stake. Dad says he wants to work with inactives. The irony of telling ME that made me chuckle. Apparently, he's given up on me, but he wants to spend his retirement working with strangers who live in some other town. LOL

Also, while the mormon funeral service was probably free, again, I guessed that she's referring to the funeral home services, embalming, burial, grave marker, casket -- none of that is free or even cheap.

I do wonder why the siblings were finally mentioned but they are apparently, not willing to help their sibling so some non-family outsider has to step in and do it. That seems... off, to me, but I wasn't really looking to pick apart the OP's story. Does it matter?

Sorry to have come off a little angry.... haven't taken my meds yet this morning.

I came up with the same series of "I suppose they meant", but still didn't make sense.

Does it matter? Nah, but we have been lied to enough without odd stories showing up, especially from a self described never morm.

Moral of my story...take my meds before coming onto this site....ha

No worries. I was a little off the wall, I know.

Never a mo but grew up in small Utah town. Did all the youth stuff and went to church because that was all there was to do, so I used to know a bit about it, and certainly felt the exclusion and disdain of being on the outside. (My mother's family fell away shortly after SLC was founded. I have a 3xgreat grandfather who is depicted on the This is The Place Monument.) I thank dog every day for the foresight of that old ancestor who saw through the b.s. early on, and for my mother, her mother, and her mother who endured here, always on the outside. Guess by the time I came along it was in the DNA. :)) Still stung like hell when the mother of my little friend said, in front of me, "Well, if she doesn't want to be one OF us, leave her alone. Just leave her right alone." Sweet, huh?

Moved back to Utah after 30 years to look after elderly mom. My poor husband is still trying to figure out all the cultural s**t, let alone the weird doctrine. Have a beautiful day, dear Seekers.

The case is not about religion, as long as I understand this lady havnt been requested to join the church, it is not a modus operandus to obligate the people working for us to join the church as a condition for work, I imagine it is they way that this senior couple think its the best for this lady to invite her to church activities, however I'm pretty sure that if this lady tells them: "hey! I think u guys are really cool people, but I dont buy ur doctrine" would be more than enough...

I have employed many guys in my life and if any of them decided to join the church was totally up to them and I didnt even encourage that behavior.......