Today I decided to meet up with my TBM friend for lunch. 99% of the time, he is a pretty level headed Mormon, but every now and then he produces some pure TBM gold. If you've ever seen the Ricky Gervais show, I try to get him to say Karl Pinkington-esque things about his religious beliefs. Most of the time he realizes what's going on, and how some of his beliefs must sound to outsiders (or just someone who thinks the church is BS) and laughs it off.

Today we were sitting near a TV tuned to CNN. They were talking about the recent allegations against the Catholic Church - I asked my friend what he thought. At first he was kind of timid, but I guess a wave of religious patriotism swept over him and he started in.

Friend: It's disgusting, but it's a blessing at the same time.
Me: What do you mean?
Friend: Well, as disgusting as these allegations are, they are clearly the Lord's doing.
Me: *snickering* How?
Friend: Look at the way they are imploding! The Lord is bringing this all to the surface now for a reason! Do you think it's just a coincidence that all this is happening AT THE EXACT SAME TIME as the Prophet's announcement about lowering the missionary age? The church is creating 58 new missions, and you think that this is just accidental timing?
Me: *laughing now* I think that it's probably a desperate attempt by the church leadership to try and increase new member recruitment to combat a rapid drop in active membership, while at the same time retaining a greater number of young men who would probably lose their nerve to serve during their first year of college.
Friend: SO YOU ARE GOING TO SIT HERE AND TELL ME THAT YOU HONESTLY CAN'T SEE THE HAND OF GOD AT WORK IN ALL OF THIS?!
Me: That's exactly what I'm going to do. As a college admissions counselor, this move really just makes sense from an enrollment stand point. Now are YOU going to sit here and tell ME that you HONESTLY THINK that an all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God would allow these horrible cases of child abuse against INNOCENT CHILDREN just to help a few zit faced boners in white shirts get into a couple more houses? Can you tell me that with a straight face, or are you just having a laugh?
Friend: Well...I guess I never thought of it that way...

Later in the conversation, he went on to tell me that he firmly believes that the Jehovah's Witnesses are put in place by Satan to disrupt the church's missionary efforts. Sorry to say, I was more focused on getting him to pay than I was on getting him to elaborate (looking back, I ended up paying, so I don't even have a story to tell about it).

Has anyone else heard any gems like this about the Catholic Church scandals? I was hoping to hear the latest LSD, Inc. faith-promoting B.S. about the Pope stepping down, etc, but I got tired of listening to him talk about church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2013 10:56PM by sparty.

I suppose when you see EVERYTHING through the Church's rosy lens, you start to justify almost anything as helping the Lord's work coming to pass:

Terrible natural catastrophe? Oooh--DOUBLE pick! Is it God's vengeance for gays existing? Or is it that God is speeding up his work in these latter-days, helping to usher in the 2nd coming, where we all can do the work for the recently dearly departed?

Ugh--it's actually kind of painful how easy it is for me to make up crap like that.

Sorry.

I used to think just like that. Amazing what reading a few books can do to change our thinking and way of life.

The truth really does set you free. I no longer have to come up with excuses for why the church is so crazy. Now I can just say it like it is.

"Now are YOU going to sit here and tell ME that you HONESTLY THINK that an all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God would allow these horrible cases of child abuse against INNOCENT CHILDREN just to help a few zit faced boners in white shirts get into a couple more houses? Can you tell me that with a straight face, or are you just having a laugh?"

Meh. It wouldn't be the worst thing God's followers have accused their god of doing.