Had to spend some time today with mo's from the distant family. There is a death in their family. Not had to spend time, I guess...wanted to. However, I became puzzled that they seek me out at their most devastaing moments in life.

I seldom see them otherwise. They came to me before going to their closer family members. But, they are right here when it's dire. I wondered if I am comforting to them.

And they left me wondering when they made some remarks about how I'm such a genuine girl and so accepting of everyone. And that they seldom see people like that.

And my thoughts were that it's because "you are seldom with non mormons. And mormons are so judgemental." I don't think they intentionally set out to be. But, it's the culture of "oerfection seeking." And I thought to myself that the lack of acceptance in the church is one reason I had just had enough.

Still, they don't know that I'm gone. They spoke of temples, and covenants and things that stay upper most in the mormons mind. I had been thinking of telling them how I really feel. But, thought better not to destroy their hope in my salvation. They are older and it would only cause devastation.
So, I made a decision not to tell them anything at all about my discovery that I was raised and made miserable in a cult.

What do you think? Should I have told them? What makes the difference for you when you decide to share?

They've got enough to deal with already. You did the right thing.

And it speaks well of you that they wanted to see you first.

Thank you. I think you are right. A death is a lot to deal with and they are using their hope in religion in a huge way right now.

I agree with imaworkinonit. Your relatives have enough on their plates right now. In time, you might want to give them a hint or two that you are not totally on board with the church's view of things. But I would avoid full disclosure for the time being.

I would hesitate to get into church discussions with someone having to deal with death.

In fact you never have to discuss it with anyone unless you want to. Exceptions would be a spouse and kids who do have a right to know.