OK there were two other posts about the returned missionary who hugged his mom for 5 minutes non-stop as if she were his girlfriend and whether or not you thought that was weird is not the point. The point is that my mom posted that video on Facebook with a long song and dance about how I served a mission in Spain and when I served and how happy she was to see me and how much missionaries grow up and change in that time they are gone. I'm sick of my mom doing this (because believe me, this isn't the first time). Going on and on about my missionary work and effectively using me as a PR stunt for missions. Every time she does it, I want to put in the comment line "do NOT use me to spread propaganda for your church, which I do NOT believe in and would never serve a mission for ever again." But that would really embarrass my mom in front of her Mo-friends and although clearly she has no problem embarrassing me in front of everyone, I can't seem to do the same to her.

I did however, message her privately and tell her what I really thought of the video (non-approval) and asked her to quit using my mission time to advertise her videos without asking me first if it was a video I approved of. Now I'm just waiting for her to take offense and tell me why I'm such a sinner that I can't feel the spirit and, in general, get mad enough to trot out every Mormon thought-stopper insult in her playbook. On the up side, I called my sister and left a message for her to tell HER mother to knock it off or I would start leaving comments on the newsfeed itself next time. My sister will translate that into something Mom will understand and not be offended by (Sis is good at that).

Ugh - in a world of poverty and vice, I have nothing better to do than to get my knickers in a twist about being misrepresented as a faithful Mormon. Excuse me while I go do something about global warming instead so I can feel better about what outrages me ...

Does your Mom know you are a nonbeliever? If so, going on a mission didn't keep you in the church. Could you write stories from your mission that would be less than "faith promoting". A dose of reality?

Another option -- under her comments, or on her wall, post travel options for Spain and point out how they are cheaper than a mission and far more enjoyable.

I would tell her that if she does it again you will post that you are no longer a member and why That should stop her. Warn her in advance and then be prepared to do it

My mom knows I don't believe but I don't think she's taking me that seriously - I think she thinks I'll come to my senses and maybe she thinks reminding me via FB that I served a mission will resurrect those feelings and I'll feel the spirit once again. I'm not sure she even knows that I had panic attacks for years after my mission and although living in Spain was wonderful, the mission was a mind-melt that I wouldn't recommend to anyone. The constant togetherness and constant being under surveillance by members, missionaries, companions etc. really messed with my head. I think a lot of missionaries had problems on their missions that they never tell anyone about or tell only a few of their closest people, all the while assuring those people how glad they are that they served.

I'm going to have to tell her something along the lines of what you said, bona dea. Or, since I was raised Episcopalian until I converted as a tween, I could wait until the Episcopal church does something regarding equal rights for gay marriage, post a news story on that with the gushing comment about how glad I am to have spent my formative years in the Episcopal church, with it's high ideals on human rights and how glad I am now that my mom took me to the Episcopal church each Sunday. Snarky, but knowing my mom she would at least finally see my point. Maybe just a threat to do that would suffice.

That will solve the problem.

And feel free to reply to her statement that you don't feel that she is representing you fairly and that you advise others to keep this in mind.

Frankly, though, most people don't really care what others are posting on your Facebook wall. They just want to see photos and the updates from you!

Best thing I ever did, electronically speaking.

Amen. Facebook sometimes entertained me, but more often it made me think poorly of some of my friends. Adieu facebook.

I just delete the people who are bugging me - I just can't do that with my mom. On the other hand, there is something that is mentally refreshing about deleting peoples' temple pictures and quotes by GBH and Mormon crappola. It's like I'm mentally deleting Mormonism itself. I would have happily deleted this video too - what made me mad is that she talks about my serving a mission like I'm proud I served and proud of being a Mormon when she knows I haven't been to church in years. I don't want anyone thinking I encourage youth to serve missions.

It would bug the crap out of me too



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2013 04:44PM by ladell.

That idea is awesome, and gets my vote!

Couldn't hurt to tell her why it upsets you and threaten to publically go on record as an e x Mormon. Best case scenario is that she will believe you and knock it off. If she doesn't, I would say you have a right to call her on it.Comments on the Episcopal church would work too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2013 01:40AM by bona dea.

Get a cardboard cutout of your mom, go to a strip bar, take photos of the two of you with strippers and drinks and then tag her on FB. Tell her, "You're it!" Ask her how long she wants to play that game.

I would give her one warning, and then comment on any further inappropriate posts. She'll delete your comment, but my guess is that will be the last time she posts about your mission.

I think following through what you've already planned is sufficient for your needs.

Since my mom's children and grandchildren exist only for the purpose of bragging rights in F&T meetings and RS I understand.

She actually has never really wanted to have much to do with us kids we were more of a nuisance than anything.

She had us because she was supposed to, then pretended we didn't exist and made the older siblings responsible for the younger.

dad was always in church meetings or at work. I don't know how many times he was bishop, it felt like we grew up on our own.

I blocked anything my mom posts eons ago, she has probably blocked me too.

Sorry, but no matter what, these moms think their adult children will someday feel the spirit and return to full activity. And they spew anything and everything from their mouths to show their faith and inspire it in anyone who will listen. This crosses the line when they're misrepresenting their own flesh and blood.

I also think you should give her one warning that if she does that again, you're going to post the truth and follow through with it. It could be as simple as, "Yeah, it was a cool trip, but then I grew up."

"Yes, my mission in spain was wonderful. The scenery, the culture, the friends I made. If only I hadn't been there to sell afterlife insurance policies for the mormon church. That's my only regret..."

It's a facebook war. She's lobbing mortars. Options are return fire (post contradictory/combative statements), surrender (leave facebook), or UN embargo (block her or unfriend her).

You have every right to be pissed, CA girl. Your boundaries are being violated, you are being used against your wishes to promoted someone else's agenda, and your feelings are every bit as important as global warming. :)

I think you're well within your rights to post a calm, measured comment the next time she uses you against your will as part of her FB image. If she's embarassed, well, she should be. (Could it be that she actually wants a fight with you, as crom said above? My mother used to do stuff like this all the time solely to get some kind of interaction from people.)

Instead of inspiring someone about the church it inspires someone how important family is. The video, if anything, makes it look like someone just got out of prison and is glad to finally see their family.

First, I’m so impressed by those that are able to leave the church when they know their mothers will be hurt and displeased. My mom was the ultimate Mormon apologist and I’m pretty sure I would never have had the nerve to leave before she died. I was in a painful fence sitting mode when she passed away in 1997. Even after she died, her very clear wants and wishes echoed in my mind every time I doubted the church. Now, the anger part of grief is showing itself as I realize that she wanted me to be Mormon at any cost. My happiness was secondary. It makes sense because her life choices, mostly to stay with my abusive father, were justifiable only if Mormon afterlife was real. She was certain that my dad’s abuse would be magically whisked away when the afterlife removed the physical troubles he endured.

Wow, I’m off on a tangent. CA girl, you do good in the world when you write to this board. I benefit greatly and I don’t have to think about global warming.

First, deleting your FB page or blocking your mom will not stop her posts. If anything, that would give her more license to post drivel like this because she knows you won't see it and won't call her out on it.

The reason this bothers you is because it's disrespectful. So have a nice, pleasant, calm conversation about how the adult child-parent relationship changes over time and how you are both deserving of respect from one another. Maybe it's time you tell her exactly how terrorized you felt after your mission and let her know that, whenever she posts reminders about it, she's triggering PTSD feelings. Please respect me mom, and do not post anything linked to my mission. If I want to post or comment about my mission I will, but it's not your story to tell.

Excellent choice in the facebook war. Third party negotiator. Better than anything I came up with.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/10/us/episcopal-same-sex-unions

Here is a link to an article stating that the Episcopal Church is now blessing same sex marriages. I hope it helps. Let us know if there is any fallout from your sister talking to your mom.