My wife and I want to see a marriage counselor. I no longer believe in the claims of the church and my DW is TBM. She prefers LDS therapists so she would like to go through LDS Social Services or a local therapist who is active LDS. I prefer a nevermo therapist.

Please post your experiences or views on this (I will share with my wife).

Have you encountered The Mormon Therapist online yet? You can Google search her blog, which is hosted by the website Patheos (it hosts inter-faith conversations etc.).

She is an active member, but also knowledgeable of and sympathetic to former members and their concerns etc.

Check out her website for more information.

Where are you located so other readers can chime in with local recommendations?

I would definitely recommend a non-Mormon therapist. My TBM wife and I are currently seeing one, and it is very helpful to have an objective point of view. My wife meets monthly with her bishop, and gets Mormon-slanted counsel from him, but our visits together would not be nearly as productive if the advice we were getting was coming from a Mormon point of view.

I hope your wife is open to the idea.

My wife and I went to a therapist through LDS social services.

1) I felt like she was a kindergartner level therapist. She was scared of the word "sex". She was incompetent in so many ways.

She was obviously a man-hater - after we had been going to therapy for 5 months she recommended I get checked for bi-polar disorder. For the next therapist I went to I brought this up. She did a 5 minute interview and said I don't think you have bi-polar disorder but I'll give you a diagnostic test. The next session she gave me a test and concluded that I wasn't anywhere close to having bi-polar disorder. (After 5 months the first therapist didn't even know me and/or one of the main conditions in her field to get anywhere close to matching them up.)

2) LDS social service therapists report stuff to your bishop. With or without your consent - whether or not the church is helping pay for the therapy. I'm not sure how detailed, but I know for sure our bishop knew things I didn't want him to know.

3) I've seen cases posted where what was best for the patient was not in line with church policy or doctrine. The therapist has a conflict of interest and will always side with the church who writes their paycheck. One example is a lady was having EXTREME body issues, depression, etc. because of garments - the therapist knew it was mentally debilitating but still had to encourage her to always wear her garments.

4) LDS family therapists don't have to be any good at their job to be in business. The normal law of supply & demand doesn't apply - they get referred customers regardless of their merit.

So whatever you do, don't go through LDS family services.

As far as LDS vs non-LDS that's a tough one because you are both going to feel completely opposite about it. When I was looking for a therapist last year I sent an email off to a few and mentioned that my main issue was feeling isolated from leaving the LDS church and asked how they will deal with it. The one I went with - I honestly still don't know if she is LDS or not - she handled it professionally and never told me what her personal religious beliefs are - she handled it as a professional - that's what you are looking for, I think. (I suspect she is an estranged member of the LDS church but I will never know for sure - what I do know is that she cared about her job and profession and kept her personal biases out of it.)

If you are on the Wasatch front please E-mail me. I have a list of vetted therapists I can provide to you. rodolfo@religious.com

I'd recommend against an LDS therapist. I had a therapist who was LDS. He claimed to be open-minded and acted like it in general, and we got along for a while.

But.

I have my prejudices about Mormons now, and I let this slip in one of my meetings with him. I told him I think that Utah County Mormons act like closed-minded, judgemental sheep who can't think for themselves.

From that point on he became subtly critical of me. I even caught him rolling his eyes at me and checking the clock once. So we talked about how this wasn't working anymore and we mutually parted ways.

From my own experience, find a therapist who's not Mormon.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2013 08:24PM by liminal state.

Many thanks to everyone for your views. My wife agrees going to a nevermo therapist is best for both of us.