Posted by:
kolobian
(
)
Date: March 12, 2013 04:03PM
I'm a human being, somewhere on the planet, minding my own business, when I'm approached by a salesman who gives me a sales pitch about becoming a rich man.
I tell him, I say, "how do I know you can make me rich? Are you rich?"
"Oh yes," he says, "very rich indeed." Then he proceeds to show me his bank account which has a whole lot of zeros in FRONT of the decimal place, which is exactly where you want the zeros to be if you're into buying stuff.
I tell him, I say, "what's in it for you? Why do you want to make me rich?"
He says, "Making you money will make me money, too. Ya dig?"
So I sign up, right? I pay my dues which is actually pretty expensive. It's more expensive that I counted on, actually. I had to borrow money from my folks. In return I got some t-shirts, dvds, and a hat. Also a promise that "if you got a problem, yo I'll solve it. Check out the hook while the deejay revolves it."
He talks like that a lot, actually. I wish he'd just talk normal.
I wish he'd talk at all. He's never once returned my phone calls, emails, texts, tweets, or facebook messages. I'm not making any money, but I keep getting billed for my membership dues, which I still have to pay even if I'm not making a profit.
This guy came to me! And he's got the nerve to take my money and not keep his promises? Is this an organization I should continue to be a part of?
Hmm...
I'm an intelligence, somewhere in the cosmos, minding my own business, when I'm approached by Elohim or one of his agents who gives me a sales pitch about becoming a god.
I tell him, I say, "how do I know you can make me a god? Are you a god?"
"Oh yes," he says, "very exalted indeed." Then he proceeds to show me his kingdom which has a whole lot of women BEHIND his throne, which is exactly where you want the women to be if you're into making babies with them.
I tell him, I say, "what's in it for you? Why do you want to make me a god?"
He says, "Making you a god will make me happy. Ya dig?"
So I sign up, right? I pay my dues which is actually pretty expensive. It's more expensive that I counted on, actually. I had to give up my sovereignty and agree not to remember who I am for a mortal lifetime. In return I get the body of a higher primate in the post-industrial age, some useless scriptures, and a baker's hat. Also a promise that "if you got a problem, yo I'll solve it. Check out the hook while the deejay revolves it."
He talks like that a lot in the scriptures, actually. I wish he'd just talk normal.
I wish he'd talk at all. He's never once answered my prayers. I'm not gaining mystical powers, but I keep getting billed for my membership dues, which I still have to pay even if his profit doesn't prophesy; even his his seers don't see; and even if his revelators don't reveal anything.
This guy came to me! And he's got the nerve to take my money and not keep his promises? Is this an organization I should continue to be a part of?
Hmm...