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Posted by: jhughes ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 06:10PM

We are In Uk (for reference)

My wife was a total TBM, but slowly,over time, has loosened up a lot about the morg.
I am not frightened of the morg members or speaking out against issues they raise.

In the past, I wrote to the church officially notifying them i was banning my children from attending due to there failure in child protection.

I have also banned my wife from any "calling" which is related to youth/children.

Recently they approached my wife again for relief society teacher and for the first time in 30+years in the morg, she said no to the "calling".

She has had some minor backlash but nothing she cannot handle.

Well ,

She came in from church totally fumeing three weeks ago.
Why ?

The bishop had stood up, said no more cars and members are to clean the chapel.
I chuckled, and said; thats old news, they have been doing that elsewhere.

I explained the "car comment" was also interesting, because the impliance was members would take the missionaries around to appointments.
I explained to my wife unless the car insurance has business use included, then a member may not be covered.

Yes she said, but "what do i pay tithing for then ??? they want me to clean the chapel ????"

My wife now listens to my discussions about the money, doctrine and general control over members crushing free will and does not now simply poo-poo it.

i laughed and said look at this. showed her pictures of shopping mall etc.
She was gobsmacked, and not happy.

It was followed by a "i am not doing it"

wind forward two weeks......

She came in from church with a beaming smile and laughing and said "thank you so much"
for what i asked?

"you got me out of cleaning.." !!

She explainined to me they had formulated a roster with all the members names on, linked to various days of the week and a assigned area to clean.

Before she had gone i said to her that if she coulden't say no to them yet, then hide behind me.

I had explained to her that if she was "assigned" a task (not volunteer) then to ask for the following.
Also i would want to see proof of compliance, for her safety, public safety and liability protection.

1) Proof was she insured in case of injury
2) That all persons had appropriate training for the task at hand,(not to mix disinfectant/bleach etc)
3) That all the COSHH reports were completed.
4) Cleaning materials were stored to regulations (public building)
5) A first aid kit was present and maintained
6) A first aider was avaliable
7) Health and safety policy was avaliable with risk assessment completed.
8) PAT testing was completed on any electrical appliances being used.

So, she told them she coulden't do it because i woulden't let her .........because of Health and safety !!

To say i am proud of her is an understatement.
She may have hid behind me, but she still told them where to go.

Apparently, the high priest / bishopric member sorting this out may want to speak to me.

i am eagerly awating the phone call.

I have already explained ot my wife i am unlikely to be called as i am unpleasent to speak to. The answers they want they will not get from me.


i do feel sorry for my wife,
She is really struggling to re-concile in her mind their teachings against their actions.

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 07:13PM

It sounds like she's just about fed up -- what a wonderful place for you both. And kudos to you for letting her feel her own way out. :D

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Posted by: darkprincess ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 07:14PM

It sounds like your wife is on the right track :)

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Posted by: Southern Redneck ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 07:48PM

Small steps are what is needed.

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Posted by: derrida ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 07:55PM

Great story. Keep the positive role modeling going! It's wonderful to see someone waking up. Truly wonderful.

The church "may work for some people," as is said in a rather disturbingly non-chalant manner, but there is a lot of control going on and a lot of pressure being put on a lot of people to do what the church wants them to do.

And what is that? Well, money is definitely part of the equation.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/17/2010 07:55PM by derrida.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 08:02PM

Good for you!

By the way: COSHH = Control of Substances Hazardous to Health.

It covers just about everything you can think of plus some you might not have thought of: Toner powder, air freshener spray cans, bleach, paints, etc.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: September 17, 2010 09:21PM

the members are more likely to reach the threshold where they ask themselves "why, exactly, am I putting up with this?"

I make no pretense of being able to predict much of anything, but I do get the feeling that there are a lot of TBM's who are hanging on by their fingernails, and as they sense that the world really doesn't end if you let go of Mormonism, they are going to start letting go in larger numbers than has already been happening.

Yeah, wishful thinking on my part, but it might also be correct.

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