Call me?

No, no - my question is whether you think it's offensive for an ex-mo to be given a Mormon funeral.

Yes, because it's telling the world that you were REALLY Mormon, and you didn't mean to leave the great and wonderful, true church. It's a rejection of the deceased person's identity and integrity. It's the ultimate insult.

And... what's your number?

;-)

Thanks Jenny

Beth Wrote:
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> ;-)


Oh boy, I get it. What a song. Thanks. :-0

And yes, I think it's offensive for an ex-mo to be given a Mormon funeral. ... but sometimes, I guess that's all the survivors know to do. I dunno.

I'm not sure if I'm getting the full picture on this, BUT, I find that incredibly offensive! If this actually happened that someone purposely left TSCC and was still given an LDS funeral, I just could not forgive that.

Depends on their wishes really. As for me, no way in hell I would want a mormon funeral. Would definitely send the wrong message of what I'm about.

For me, funeral home... cremation. Done.

Or would my ashes stick to the melted poly from the clothes?

Since DH is still a believer, and since the trappings of a Morg funeral are now meaningless to me, but meaningFUL to him, I'd let him do as he wishes. Not gonna hurt me. Not gonna hurt my non-Morg family who are NEVER, EVER gonna convert. But having me buried dressed in my temple clothes and having the standard Morg funeral might comfort DH. That would be okay with me.

My son knows my wishes, but it's ultimately up to him to do whatever will make it easier on him, assuming he's not happy when I kick the bucket. ;-)

We also had a long talk about my advance directive -- how it's guidance but not set in stone. How how he can change his mind and not be the one who makes decisions or he can decide how he wants me medically treated.

It might sound morbid, but I think it might help him. Maybe it helps me. Maybe both.

I guess I have mixed feelings on it. On the one hand, a funeral is really for the people left behind. I certainly won't care at that point, I'll be dead! So if they want to bury me in a silly bakers hat and that makes them feel better about the whole thing, why not?

On the other hand, a funeral should be a celebration of the deceased's life. The courage and conviction they showed in leaving a harmful cult should probably be one of the highlights of their funeral. It would be like the Mormons were proclaiming victory over the dead person's legacy. Claiming you as theirs after death, wiping out the legacy of personal conviction you held in life. I would hate to think that my last part to play in this world would be to spread a message of fear and obedience to the Morg!

...had an aunt who died this past year buried with full temple regalia. Problem is that up until 6 months before her death her ultra psychotic TBM siblings talked her into a quick deathbed repentance trip to the temple. Oh yah, forgot to mention... She was a lesbian and was a life long member of the Catholic Church. I had many conversations with her about her strong belief in Catholicism. WTF! Pathetic funeral! It's like she, at the hands of others, completely lost her identity and the important things that made her unique. Sad.

A Mormon burial for an exmo is WORSE than baptizing holocaust
victims for the dead. With the holocaust victims you are just
using their name for a moment. With a Mormon funeral you are
using their actual BODY and dressing it in Temple garb from then
on.

How would a Jew feel if he knew he might be buried in a Nazi
uniform? Or a Black in a KKK sheet and hood? That may be a bit
extreme but I think it gets the point across.

I've requested no funeral, jeans and a turtleneck.

I was a bit concerned when my mother died. My parents weren't what you call extreme TBMs--especially my dad. My mother and I had talked many times about we both wanted graveside services, kept small. I was a bit concerned and when I went to talk to my dad, he said, "She wants a graveside service." So--that is what was planned. Then it snowed and we had it at the mortuary. Two months later, we had the same thing for my dad--at the mortuary. Not too much mormonism--but about their lives. I was SO pleased.

I don't care if the funerals are for the living--I think the person dying should have the final say. It is about them.

But ... but .. but what about those of us who are WELL endowed ?

Skip the apron?

lol

I have just figured out how to prevent the survivors from having a mormon funeral against the wishes of the deceased. Put aside enough money for a full page newspaper ad which will be taken out in the even they have such a service, setting forth that it was against your wishes etc. Make this know to the family and they won't dare do it! Anything else, including putting the arrangements in your will, won't be as effective.

that's a damn good idea!

I have put my funeral arrangements down on paper inside the book where I keep all my important papers and my kids know that's where it is. I have specifically said NO Mormon funeral, but if they decide to hold it at a ward, oh well. I will be dead.

I have seen people given funerals in various churches that they didn't attend, or to my knowledge believe it.

If the funeral plans are not laid out specifically ahead of time, it's anyone's guess what will happen.
Generally family that is left that is in charge will make those decisions and what they want....goes.

I can't stress enough how important it is to put your plans and wishes into written form.

We had a revocable trust and wills. Now that my husband has passed on, I am the Trustee of the Survivors Trust. I have made my wishes clear in an email to all of the children and put it in the notebook with the trust and wills.

I couldn't have been more pleased with the service in the local Mormon chapel and the service at the cemetery with Military Honors for my husband in January. All of our children and most of the grand children (boys) participated: prayers, eulogies, pallbearers, etc. The Bishop's "Spiritual Thought" aka Plan of Salvation talk was kept to a personal level and very nicely done also. I've received many compliments about the whole service, including his talk.

My point is that a lot depends on who is in charge and how it's carried out. In my husband's case, he was well enough to approve his service and put someone in charge.

These times are very sensitive times. The mortuary people were surprised that I was so well prepared and had most of the plans ready to go, including the color and cost of the casket, and the services.

My view is to plan ahead. Put it in writing. Don't just leave it with a will, someone might not find it. Tell people ahead of time.

Edit: One more thing. There is no telling who will be offended about what. Fortunately, I'm not aware that anyone was offended about anything regarding my husband's services.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2013 08:46PM by SusieQ#1.

Would a Mormon be offended by not knowing that they would not be getting a Mormon funeral? How would their relatives feel about this?

in a viewing & the whole gig, that's so inauthentic but it WAS authentic say, 23 years ago. But, this is later, and now, its inauthentic.

or did you mean, would it be authentic for the truely mormon family mourning, to have the temple gear on their deceased (no matter what they believed)? I don't know them. some, might even be conflicted, jealous, or need counseling because it looked like their exmo family/ sibling had heck a lot more good times than the commandments allowed, and now, they get to have it all- plus this, so need counseling. (mormons do not believe in grace like protestants its all merit, merit all the way or karma in other words/ vocabulary, very black and white no gray.) So living one way and being buried another might NOT support all the survivors, who might also struggle with inauthenticity or EVEN FEAR- that its not right, or that they are doing something wrong, slipping temple clothes onto someone's dead body who was exed or removed themselves from the records of the church.

However- a mormon officiator, and a mormon grave dedication, or speaker, might comfort mormon family members. Just recall how very fearful they are of breaking any commandments, or allowing you to, or doing something wrong or that breaks rules or church expectations- sort of like serving beer on the lawn at a wedding might frighten them because its bad.

off topic- I saw a beautiful cookie jar or urn at a rock and mineral show and told my husband I'd like it to be for my ashes someday- remember to go and get me one if I die. The vendor said you could use it for cookies in the meantime and ashes later. /i got the idea of ashes at my mother in law's funeral but I don't want a little pine box of ashes except she worked for the forest service setting up timber sales so it was appropriate. I love rocks so I want a rock box or rock urn for me to bury my ashes in it or something. I don't think anyone will be upset, one of my kids is a geologist how could they care? some strand in your life that is authentic- your favorite color to be dressed in, or favorite shirt, and your kid's or sibings' a common theme- to have spoken at a memorial or service, favorite music or iconic beat (for my father recently it was "On the road again" and "King of the road" he was a truck driver, millions of miles multiple commercial licenses he built the state hauled building supplies as California built up)
you can make it - athentic - and yet- supportive- to your survivors- I know its possible.

how about pink lace, or leather boots, or hiking gear, disco purse or a peacock feather? a cowboy hat, gemstone tie- something real

this can be real- its like a real poem
a love ode

He went on a mission. He left when he was 22 or 24 (memory fails right now). He was 52 when he died.

I'm not his blood family, but I loved that man so much. I can't imagine his relations putting him in temple garb.

That was my thought behind the question: What would Kerry have wanted in light of how he lived his life vs. what his blood family would want to do.

I think it would be the final insult. But I'm angry and I'm hurting, so I asked for your thoughts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2013 11:43PM by Beth.

Honestly, I do not believe I will care at that point. Whatever gives my loved ones comfort at that point will be fine.

Since my hubby & kids are not Mormon, I feel pretty confident it would not be an LDS funeral. On the other hand, if I somehow outlive them all and my LDS sibs are the only ones left when I croak, well, if it makes them happy, that's fine. I'll be dead, so I don't think it's really going to make much of a difference.

The funeral is about those left behind and helping and comforting them, not the one who died. Once you're dead, you're dead.