I was born into the church, in fact, im related to wilford woodruff. My parents moved from utah right before i was born in texas. My parents bought the house 9 houses from the church because it was 9 houses away. I admit, the social aspect was all i cared about. i had friends that had similar views i grew up with and was comfortable with, i even graduated from early morning seminary. The activities were fun but i never memorized a single scripture and i feel that is how i escaped the brain washing. the church never really clicked with me aka never had a testimony. I got lucky that my older sister paved the way when she was 17 and left the church. I didn't do it because she did, i did it because she taught my parents how to accept and love their children for who they are and not try to make them something they are not. In addition to, all 3 times i've talked to the bishop about my issues, i come out feeling that i am damned to hell if i don't change. My parents left me no option to stay in texas after i finished highschool so i followed them to SALT LAKE CITY! I always went to church out of respect for my parents but as soon as i moved out on my own here in utah, i never went back. i have no ill feelings and like most believe, to each their own. today, i have a better connection to my own god (referring to the word "namaste" which means, i respect the god in you) and spirituality and feel more connected to my family, past and present, more than ever. the best part is, my husband is right there with me and i can give my daughter the chance to experience all religions and choose one for herself with logic and reason. Thankyou for reading this and would love any questions or comments you have.

You're very lucky you were able to escape the brainwashing despite being born and raised in the church. My path was certainly laid out before me, having 3 older brothers serving missions. Being indoctrinated throughout my life that I was to receive a testimony, and even though I never felt I received an answer to my prayers, I knew that was my own fault. Meanwhile feeling all kinds of guilt and anguish for such small things, not being perfect etc. Yet I didn't have that testimony, that moroni's promise, but I believed that it was my fault. I went on a mission anyway, because it was what I thought I really wanted to do. I told myself I loved it because I felt if I had any other attitude about it, I would be setting myself up for spiritual death. All part of the brainwashing.

Later in life, coming to the realization that it wasn't true, the withdrawal and recovery process has been very difficult, but at the same time, a very liberating one. You are very fortunate that you could see through it at a young age. And my son is very fortunate being still young, that he won't have to grow up in it. He'll instead learn rationality first, and is free to believe what he will as he grows older.

Because of your feelings about the word "namaste," do you study or follow (in any fashion) any part of Sanatana Dharma (Hinduism)?

And if so, have you been to the Sri Ganesha Temple in South Jordan (one of the places I would most like to go to when I am next in Utah)?

actually, i went to massage school right after i moved to utah and we used the word "namaste" a lot so i like and am open to more eastern religion than western for sure but i don't think i know enough to actually pick one. i learned all about taoism when i took acupressure class and that opened my eyes into that eastern direction. i bet i have been past that temple before but i have not been to visit. i work in west jordan so i could even stop by there after work on my way home.

wow, i just googled the hindu temple and there is also one in plano, tx where i grew up

If you get there before me, please experience it for me, too!

The temple has a website, with good info re: directions and practicalities (like their facilities for eating picnic lunches, and the hours they're open) for people passing through who aren't familiar with Utah.

I've always loved Ganesha (the little boy with the elephant's head, who is overly fond of sweets) since I was very young.

Thank you for sharing your story, which is most intriguing on a number of levels. :-)

My great-grandfather Emanuel Bagley lived in Castle Dale, Utah. He had three wives (biological sisters) and thirty five children. He and his ilk had a life that I could never understand. I had TV and secular schooling. They had abject poverty and chickens. I am not impressed with their virtues.

Hello bornmomo,

I can relate to you on nearly every level. I was bic, eagle scout, groomed for a mission, the whole bit--but I never believed because I never really understood what it was everyone was trying to believe? Was it Joseph Smith? Was it Jesus? Why was the supposed "truth" so confusing? It wasn't until later in my life that I realized they just want you to believe whatever keeps you coming back and most importantly, keeps that 10% rolling in.

I always found the church environment to be silly (even as a child) and all things church related made me bored and miserable. I too had an older sister pave the way but she was cast out and is marginalized by my parents to this day. She let me live with her after I graduated high school and she saved me from so much suffering. I owe her more than I could ever re-pay. Your statement that you can never recover because you never believed really resonated with me because that's exactly how I feel. I have no problem leaving mormonism alone. Mormonism won't leave me alone. It has a grip on my family that is indescribable. I've never lived around a lot of mormons so it was so refreshing to find RfM and communicate and listen to others who understand. In all of the posts I've read though, yours is the first to perfectly describe my feelings toward mormonism.

So what's the solution? For me, getting away from mormonism would mean never communicating with my family again. I went for several years in my early 20's only rarely communicating with my tbm family members. I found that life is too short to rarely or never communicate with your family. It's a difficult position to be in when you've never really been IN and can never really be OUT. Thanks for your post and here's to those of us stuck in between.

I was 3 when my inactive mormon father decided we were going to the new mormon church that had started in town. There wasnt a congregation before. He was from Mississippi but thats another story. Long story short, I was forced under duress to become a mormon. I hated it, I hated them, I hated my parents for it. I even told them so when my parents asked me. I still wonder why would they have wanted that kind of life for me? Mostly I just feel about those years, in a word, angry.

The good news is I made my own life, my own choices and that has made me happy. It helped to be very hard headed and in survival mode, which for me essentially makes me forget the ability to have empathy. I keep mormons and Mormonism as far away from my life as possible, which can be hard even in Louisiana. Its not good for me and I wont have it anywhere near my daughter.

I hope you find your own way to be happy, to have your own life, it can be done. That is the great thing about leaving that mind controling, family destroying cult behind.