Its hard when all of the biggest decisions in your life was largely based on the church. You start to question every thing and you feel like you don't know who you really are.
Yes, YEs and YEs. But as you practice making more choices the better it gets. THe more confident you become. Like others have said here, you begin to own you choices and except the mistakes that come with that but it's SO much better then being told over and over how to behave, what to do, how to do it, when to do it etc and then all the guilt that seems to follow.
It's scary at first but seriously it just keeps on getting easier and better. I've been out 5 1/2 years.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2013 03:15PM by luvcake.
"It's hard when all of the biggest decisions of MY life were largely based on the church. I started to question everything and I felt like I didn't know who I really am."
Ever notice how most people do not talk in first person? Especially someone who has gone thru alot of trauma?
I've got an ex-Mormon friend who at the time of being a believer thought God had answered his prayers and inspired him to be an actor. He took this very seriously changing from an engineering degree to a theatre degree. He focused his entire life on "making it in Hollywood" because he THOUGHT God had told him that was his purpose in life. Now he is an middle aged atheist, broke and living LA. Now I think he questions his "purpose" in life and is just kind of dangling there not really knowing if acting was the best path he should have taken.
I find it has been a truly liberating thing. Before leaving, I would "study it out in my mind" and then if god wanted it to happen it would. Now I have complete ownership. I make the choice based on a far more reasoned process. No more "if its meant to be" rubbish. I chose, rightly or wrongly. It's all me. EMPOWERING!!!
1) who I was (a daughter of God, a wife, a mother, etc) 2) what my purpose was (prove my worthiness, return to heavenly father, live eternally with my loved ones, and eventually have worlds of my own) 3) what would make me happy (obedience, service, reading scriptures, praying, following all the rules)
This gave me a strong sense of direction in my life. When I stopped believing, I felt lost. But in reality, I was no more lost than I had been all along. The difference was that I finally REALIZED it.
Leaving the church forced me to really think about who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do in my life, what I really believed and valued, and what makes me happy. Realizing I was lost was the first step to finding myself.