For those that have been in a cult, it is tempting to be kind as in sympathetic. After all, you have been there and you have not the heart to treat people mean when you see yourself in them.

An old 70's song states, "you gotta be cruel to be kind". Could it be that the more friendly people cult members encounter, the longer it will take them to want to abandon that lifestyle? I am thinking particularly of when they come to your door but any encounter that makes them feel normal, accepted by society or enabling them to bother people without consequence; it seems in my opinion should be rebuffed with a negative stimulus. It might help them pull their head out of somewhere it may never leave if they are comfortable with it there.

I don't think it is my job to change people. For the most part, I can't. No one can change anyone else. Proselytizing is for missionaries, and I don't like that behavior in them, so I don't want to see it in me either.

The best we can do is set a good example of how well a life can be lived outside the cult.

Besides, I feel better about myself when I live up to my best standards of behavior. I don't lie to people, but I don't go out of my way to be rude.

I think it's wise to follow the Golden Rule in all things. No one likes rudeness directed at them. I think you should handle it the way one woman did when I was tracting.

I was fresh out of the MTC. We knocked on her door. I was frustrated with several people who had already said, "No, thank you." I bore the sincerest testimony that I could, honestly believing that her life would be better if she let us in to share. She listened politely, then repeated, "No, thank you." I wasn't rude, and neither was she.

Although you could interpret my continuing the conversation after she had said that once as having been rude, but we were both nice about it.

There are plenty of cults out there, so there will be plenty of chances to say, "No, thank you."

But if they're rude to you first, all bets are off.

:)

Kindness is always better.

Be firm, not rude.

given the same situation I would do it again.

Like most things in life, it depends on the circumstances. If they are fighting you, it is OK to fight back.

I like dripping kindness all over them like they do with inactives. It makes them squirm and feel uncomfortable and messes with the minds of the nicer ones. So I guess you could say I'm being nice and rude at the same time.

their asshole and confront them.

dude, you have a ferret dangling from your butt.

what the fuck!

Those poor, poor, pitiful little ferrets. Much like Andy Dufresne in "The Shawshank Redemption," they have to crawl "to freedom through five hundred yards of $#!+-smelling-foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to." It would be excellent if Andy's friend, "Red," could narrate every ferret break-out.

Yanking them out is a kindness.

Is there a rule that says I have to be nice to people who consider me to be an unworthy lowlife ?

Yeah, I did not mean to imply I would go out of my way to be rude. I would never do that because nobody likes a person that looks for trouble. I am basically saying I might react that way when they get assertive. I am not trying to change anyone either except change them to pay me and perhaps others like me our due respect. We all know we could live side by side with, for instance, Mormons, if they would mind their own busines.

Re: Aggressive Mormons. The biggest problem I see with problem TBMs is that they treat other people in ways they would never tolerate being treated. If you want to get them to back off and leave you alone, mirror back their behavior to them. Chances are, they will be outraged. But you will have - well, I'm not sure if it's a moral high ground or not but it will feel like it.

I always wanted to strip naked and invite the misshies in, just to see their face. Unfortunately my husband knows I really would do it so he ran for the door and shooed them away the one and only chance I had in the past 10 years. Not out of jealousy but because we have a weirdo neighbor. Im still mad I didnt get naked in time to catch em.

I believe that it is better to be kind and mannerly unless the person in question's behavior merits otherwise. People who repeatedly cross boundaries should be called on their behavior.

If missionaries engaged with me I would give them a number of reasons why I would never be a Mormon. But I leave ordinary members alone.

I don't think it matters. Can't win with narcissists. They're looking down on you no matter what you do or say.

I just don't waste my time anymore.

+1

When I first became inactive, I tried to be nice, but they harassed us, then shunned us. I do not acknowledge anyone who is mean to my children, or any adult who wants to recruit my kids behind my back. Besides, I don't like pushy, bad-mannered people. Mormon, or not.

Just don't engage with cult-members at all. I'm phobic.

Be overly rude to them and it will strenghen their testimony further because Satan is fighting against the church and why would he do that if it wasn't true. Being nice confuses them because you're supposed to be a bitter apostate.

I'm not overly rude to them. I just don't express any interest in associating with them.

I have noticed this makes them even more arrogant, and now I see why.

Our purpose is to live good lives and recover.

We can't control what others think of us. That's up to them.

I do know that playing along with their delusions and catering to the false expectations of strangers isn't being nice. It's sacrificing our time and recovery for someone who doesn't care to change. What a waste for everyone.

I try not to say "No, thank you" to anyone if I don't feel thankful.

I prefer, "No, I'm not interestested. No need to call back. Goodbye." Click the phone or shut the door.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 10:58AM by Cheryl.

turns them into a "hater."

If someone comes up to my door, or calls me on my phone, they've interrupted my life. I can certainly, (and uncomfortably if appropriate), be disagreeable without inflicting malice. "Just taking it" is not the high road; it's tacit approval. Quid pro quo.

No reason to be rude. A great opportunity to teach though:

I do not believe in a god, so anything you have to say to me would be pointless. Besides, I'm not interested in joining or discussing your cult, or anybody else's cult. Goodbye.

Better to be nice and polite. But, you cannot let Mormons walk all over you with the bullshit

When you are talking to people who think polite disagreement, and, heaven forbid, presentation of facts, constitute rudeness ... well, in that situation you can't win the "polite" trophy.

When you know you will be considered rude no matter what, you tend to keep your part of the conversation super calm, but carefully correct. What you "win" then is self-respect.

I don't believe in shunning anyone based on race, religion, etc.

Why not give everyone the benefit of the doubt (be nice) and if you don't get decent treatment in return, they have lost your respect.

That way you are dealing with people as individuals rather than as units in the collective. It is dehumanizing.

Let's not be like Mormons, let's not dehumanize so that we can shun. Those Mormons you meet are you before you saw the truth, you know. That's probably why they irritate us so much. We wince (well, I do) when I think of myself in my self-righteous Mormon army-of-good, soldier-of-righteousness days.

The Dalai Lama says, "Whenever possible be kind. It is always possible."

You can speak your truth with love.


Anagrammy

I think a polite, but firm approach is possible. "No, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested." Then if they push, or come back again, you can be a little firmer. "Look, I've told you that I'm not interested. I ask you to respect my choice and do not come again."

Are you atheist by chance? If so, tell them you are. That always scared me off when I was a missionary. I knew my talking points wouldn't work on them.

Cruel to be kind only pushes them further into their own delusion. Love is the only way.