Let me start off by saying that I have been out of the church for over 3 years and have had my name removed from the church rolls.

So a couple of days ago, I went out to grab the mail and found an envelope addressed to me with no return address. I opened it and was shocked to find that someone had anonymously sent me the first talk I ever gave in church (about 12 years ago). I had such a weird combination of emotions as I realized what I was holding in my hands. At first, I found it amusing that someone had sent it to me (I mean, we all know what the motives were behind this, don't we?)

I immediately tried to remember who it was that had asked for a copy of my talk after I'd given it. I do remember SOMEONE asking me for a copy, and I remember telling them they could have the copy I was holding in my hand at the time, because I also had it on my computer.

I was a little curious to see what I had written, and started to read the talk out loud to my husband, but I honestly started to feel sick to my stomach as I read my words. I was suddenly thrown back to that time in my life, back to when the anesthetic was slowly entering my veins and I was being numbed into blind obedience.

My emotions went from surprise to curiosity to anger in less than 5 minutes. I told my husband that I couldn't possibly finish reading it, nor did I have any desire to, and asked if he would like to be part of the ceremony I had in mind. He happily agreed. We went out to our barbecue and placed my talk on the grill. He lit the match for me and I took care of the rest.

I am very interested to know...what would any of you have done?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 08:51PM by thinker.

I think you handled it perfectly!

My guess is that someone came upon that old talk while cleaning out their papers, remembered you had left the church and thought they could remind you of a time when you felt the spirit. They succeeded - only the spirit you felt was not a positive one. They reminded you of how bad Mormonism was instead. The fact they sent it anonymously just makes them snarky.

I think you handled it perfectly too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 09:10PM by CA girl.

I burned the letter I got from Boyd Packer (now I wish I had it).

Your post reminded me though of an experience I had. The last bishop started e-mailing me his testimony when I had e-mailed him to request no HTs. He reminded me of the years he would see me walk past his house to go to church. I reminded him that he was usually out mowing the front lawn while I was walking to church. It was nice to remind him that we ALL change our minds.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 09:14PM by cl2.

I think throwing your own words in your face is rude.

You clearly are changing your mind when you decided to leave.

Pointing out that your mind was different previously is a slam, in my view. Sending it anonymously shows that the mailer also knew he was hurling an insult.

You have a perfect right to change your mind any time you choose.

Mr. Anonymous is a coward who is ashamed to own his own actions. Aren't you glad you are not forced to associate with a person like that? A person who deprives you of free speech, the opportunity to respond?


Anagrammy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 09:21PM by anagrammy.

anagrammy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think throwing your own words in your face is
> rude.
>
> You clearly are changing your mind when you
> decided to leave.
>
> Pointing out that your mind was different
> previously is a slam, in my view. Sending it
> anonymously shows that the mailer also knew he was
> hurling an insult.
>
> You have a perfect right to change your mind any
> time you choose.
>
> Mr. Anonymous is a coward who is ashamed to own
> his own actions. Aren't you glad you are not
> forced to associate with a person like that? A
> person who deprives you of free speech, the
> opportunity to respond?
>
>
> Anagrammy

Mormons need to be reminded that, based on their own history and theology, it is okay to change your mind. How many times has the Mormon God changed his mind?

I think you should have danced naked around the burning pages of your talk.

Missed opportunity.

;o)

LOL Wine Country Girl!

With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes. Maybe a tambourine.

I'd have shuddered and then done exactly the same thing. It would definitely make me angry. It's arrogant. It's throwing your own words in your face, as if they're telling you that you now don't know what you're doing, but you used to know.

TBMs have no sense of boundaries. They see nothing wrong with this, which makes it even more despicable.

First off, what a sick & predatory move by whoever it was that sent that to you. They have absolutely no boundaries. It's good that you burned it. Just throwing it away wouldn't have been good enough.

At this point in my life, if someone did that to me, I would have an angry, nervous breakdown, & break things.

Well, I would have taken it to law enforcement and have the prints lifted from the envelope. From the national fingerprint database find out where he/she lives. Then I'd stuff prono-mags in their mailbox, with an attached note that I didn't care for their centerfold.

I recently read my missionary journal cover to cover after finding it in a box in my closet, and was shocked at how I used to think. A little different than what happened to you, but I understand how it took you back to the past.

I like the ceremony . . . maybe I should BBQ the journal!

My primary teacher had given me this baptismal journal when I was baptized. I practically filled the whole thing within a few months. Almost a year later, I lost my faith. Then I came across the journal when I was cleaning my room when I was about 11, & I couldn't believe the crap I had written just a few years earlier. It was embarrassing. I don't know if I had actually believed what I'd written. I'm more inclined to believe now that they were things that I'd wanted to believe were true instead.

(Burn baby burn) Disco Inferno
(Burn baby burn) Burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) Disco Inferno
(Burn baby burn) Burn that mother down

Up above my head
I hear music in the air
That makes me know
There's a party somewhere

Satisfaction came in a chain reaction (burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody is going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say

(Burn baby burn) Disco Inferno
(Burn baby burn) Burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) Disco Inferno
(Burn baby burn) Burn that mother down

I would have destroyed the copy of your talk. Just as I have told others that found something I wrote: that was then, this is now, it does not apply, throw it out, rip it up, burn it.

Sending it anonymously is a very cowardly act. Sithlord and I spoke in a branch in our stake as part of his high council assignment just three days before he told me that he didn't believe in the church. Three weeks later, I was done with the church as well. I have no desire to go back and read the talk I gave, which I based on the infamous "Women Who Know" conference talk. It's sick that someone essentially forced you to do so.

Stepping away to delete all of my old talks from my laptop. Ugh!

It is entirely likely that this came from a family member.

As far as feedback. Forget about it, it's not worth your emotional energy to worry about what someone who doesn't even want reveal who they are.

It's so nice to be able to come into this room and vent, and have so much support and understanding. Thank you all very much!

I hope burning the talk gave you closure. Posting about it probably also helped and it reminded us that we need to be ready in case mormons try these tricks on us.

I agree with the comment that you handled it with dignity. You have a great and supportive husband who also helped you handle this situation rather well.

I was just thinking of this very thing while accessing RfM. When news first spread like wildfire (I assume) throughout my little kingdom that King Charles had left the building, a "thoughtful" friend sent me by snail mail my very first letter to his family while I was on my mission. In it was a story about my first baptism and my testimony. Another "concerned" friend sent me a photocopied GC talk in the Ensign by whatshisface (forgettable self-important nobody) with the intent of setting me aright. I sighed as I realized how Mormons buy into the superstition that you throw in a GC talk into the works, bear your testimony or throw one's old testimony back at the wayward member's face and he will gasp at his unrighteous decision and quickly make his way back to the fold bleating 'baa-baaa!'.

But these were my friends or I thought they were. So I wrote them separately and thanked them for their concern. To the GC message, I highlighted parts that were most offensive to me and wrote comments on the back; yeah I'm a nerd I indexed and crossed referenced it with scripture and coupled it with the "philosophies of men". To the testimony throwing dude, I simply said I was uninformed at the time I wrote that testimony, I have since learned a lot from personal scripture study and prayer (true story) and in fact was embarrassed that I had said such things to their family.

Neither has responded to this day, it's been 12 years since.

I would have done the same exact thing that you did; burn it and move on.

I'm sure whoever sent you the letter thought they were doing a good thing, and that they were doing it for you. My personal opinion is that usually those kinds of things are done more for the benefit of the person who is sending the letter. They are the ones that still buy into the idea that they have to do whatever they can to bring back the 'lost sheep', or else God will hold them responsible for not doing enough. In that respect, I feel sorry for them. We are lucky to be free of that thinking.

There are going to be plenty of people that will not understand how it is that we no longer have certain beliefs. I like Charles' response about being uninformed. That's the basic response that I gave an old, BYUI college roommate of mine who brought up the long gospel discussions we used to have. But really, when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter if they understand or not. What matters is that you've found the way you want to live your life. Let them waste their time trying to find ways to bring you back, while you toss their attempts aside (or burn their letters on the grill) and enjoy your life.

In those situations, the thought that crosses my mind and turns the tide for me is:

As you are
I once was
As I am
You may become.

Was there any tithing coupon along with it?

My first wife would burn the UN-OPENED letters from her crazy-ass, religion-fanatic mother, from the Bible Belt...


I have burned alot of paperwork over the years...


PYROMANIA

Well done, thinker

Unfortunately something like that, I could not just let go. It really depends on your past relationship with this person but I would want to go back to them, face to face and ask them nicely, wtf. If you want to be my friend or know why I have changed my mind about the church come to my door and knock and have a civilized conversation. Then I would sincerely ask them what they hoped to accomplish by the letter and why they felt doing anonymously was a good thing. INstead of being christlike and approaching me.

It just seems so childish!!

Respectfully, I think it's unfortunate that you chose to destroy it. While the sender's intent was obvious, these kinds of thing's are good reminders of life's milestones. I kept a little document in my scriptures for years, that I wrote about one year after my mission. It was titled "What I know", and was basically my best efforts at reinforcing my belief in the Church while confronted with the challenges I was facing with my testimony. In it I take a number of positions that I completely disagree with now. About a week ago my wife pulled it out of my scriptures and wanted to go through each line item, to see what effect it might have. It was interesting to note the perspective shift I have had on certain memories, but was also useful in helping me remember how my worldview has evolved over the years.

There is this fear that somehow if we admit that we ever felt strongly about Mormonism, that must mean that Mormon's are possibly right, ie, I've only "lost my testimony"...possibly because of unworthiness. That this proves that I must have fallen off the wagon, rather than having actually grown. I reject that premise.