We had some friends over last night who used to be in our ward boundaries before some splitting and redistributing several years ago. She asked me if I knew how the neighbor lady is doing, in context that she thought she'd heard that maybe said neighbor had left the church, or gone inactive, probably not excommunicated, but had been having a hard time, had been asked to be released from RS president (this was a couple of years ago). I hadn't heard anything, and even though we're on friendly terms we don't normally talk.

Aside from the "none of my gosh darn business," I'm wondering if maybe I should ask my neighbor? If it's true, I'd like to be able to talk with her about it, strength in numbers kind of thing. Opinions? Is that okay to do? Just leave it alone? What's etiquette here?

Ask her over for dinner. She's your neighbor, and you're being neighborly. If you've never socialized with her before, now's as good a time as any to start. She's probably someone you'd like to know, and she may want to know you better.

Talk about your homes, the neighborhood, your interests, work, etc.

During the visit, don't ask 'the question.' If she wants to tell you, she will. Otherwise, just enjoy each other's company and get to know a new potential friend.

No reason not to ask. It is just neighborly conversation. YOU could approach it like " Gee there are a lot of changes going on in the world. Change can be very good at times. " Then say By the way... speak of yourself and then tie in your question to her orleave it open ended for her to speak if she wants. No one should be offended by a religion question as long as you don't insist they spill out every belief they had.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2013 04:34PM by honestone.

Inviting her over for dinner might be a good idea. I think that proper decorum would dictate that you reveal personal information about yourself on the subject first, and then if she wants to, she will reveal her personal information. If you've left the church already or don't believe in it any more and you tell her that, she will probably feel a sense of relief in telling you her story if she has already left or wants to. If not, she might know where to look later if she needs to talk. All you have to do is tell some joke or passing comment about how you left (to lighten the impact if she is still a believer) and tell her that you hope she's not offended if she doesn't respond well, and then be prepared to change the subject. If you're still active in the church yourself and believe in it, then it's probably none of your business if she has left or not unless you intend to support her in her choice to belong to the church.

Have RFM up on your computer screen. See if she recognizes it and comments.

For some background info, she was the "welcome wagon" that welcomed us into the ward when we moved into our home. About a year or so later she was called as the RS president. Her youngest child is about my age, I think, so there's that age difference, but she's always been incredibly friendly and laid back. In fact, last fall when I was really having a hard time with trying to decide how I felt about the church, I had a moment where I realized that of all of the "OMG, it's so good to see you, how are you," type of drippy stuff Mormon women say when they see you on Sunday, hers was the only one that I'd ever felt was actually genuine.

I'm still in the church, though, mostly because I want to finish my degree at the church school. I trust her and can't ever imagine her being a part of the gossip train, but if she hasn't left, I don't want to put myself in firing range.