Wow. Im on the fence right now with my beliefs but coming here to this site is a real turn off. I thought this was supposed to be uplifting and supportive but it's so incredibly negative. I don't think I will come here again.

incredibly negative about what exactly? Examples? I think it's the exact opposite. Good luck though!

What are you on the fence about? Let's discuss it.

I hope you find the support and answers you are looking fir. This site is a lifeline for me...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 01:25PM by Queen of Denial.

That's OK. When I first came here, I wasn't prepared for the anger, either. I was in serious depression mode and needed something else. Also, it didn't help that my then exmo husband didn't like me tuning in to RfM.

We found like-minded friends in a recovery group at an Episcopal church in south Salt Lake Valley. We hung with them for a few years and were able to feel supported in our recovery. It was after we divorced, and after that group eventually disbanded, that I discovered I still needed support in my on-going recovery and returned to this board.

Funny thing? The anger didn't bother me anymore. People recover from Mormonism in different ways. We're not all angry or negative, but we have a right to be if we feel those emotions. Fortunately, RfM allows us to fully vent. Thank god.

If now isn't the right time for you, I understand. I hope you will find another group with which to support you in the ways you need right now. Anytime you'd like to come back, do so. We'll be here. With all of our emotions.

-toto



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 01:27PM by toto.

Funny, I come here because it's so uplifting.

If you're on the fence about your beliefs that probably means you still attend church, so you're used to people being fake and probably don't have much experience with people who call it like it is and keep it real.

Can you give examples of what you found negative?

You are probably seeing this site as negative because you still think the Church is maybe true. Try and look at the threads on here from the point of view, not as a fence sitter, but as someone who has chosen the correct side of the fence. Maybe you should try and find a site for LDS fence sitters. I'm not being snarky, they do exist and they might help you along. Good luck.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 01:26PM by starkravingmad.

I definitely didn't think the church was true but I was also having a hard time with my perception of anger on this board. I don't want to drive this OP further away, since I felt the same way when I first got on here.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 01:32PM by toto.

It does tend to be a little negative from time to time...and even I've been an occassional critic of that. However, I can safely say that the "negativity" here isn't much worse than the negativity at Fair, and other boards.

Now, attitudes are important, but what is really important is that you mentioned that you're on the "fence" with some issues. Let's hear about those issues and see if this site/group of people can help??

I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you find a place you will find to be more encouraging as you work through the fence sitting. Maybe you haven't given it much of a chance. If you come with questions I have found people to be very respectful of one another's differences. Is that true 100 percent of the time? No. But these are real people who say it like it is. LDS don't tend to be used to that (they have to hide their doubts from their family and friends) but after awhile I realized it was exactly what I needed. Real.

Wow. What on earth is the point of your post? You come on here once, tell us all you don't like us, and then leave? WTF? If you don't like what you found here, either find someplace else to go or stick around and try to make some non-"negative" threads. Just posting that you don't like us and then leaving is just dumb and accomplishes nothing.

Unless, of course, you're actually just a TBM who hates this whole site because it proves that what you believe is a lie, so you just want to insult us all. In which case, you can probably do better. After all, calling us "incredibly negative" isn't really much of an insult...

Hi again. Im surprised with how many already responded! Yes I still attend church. In fact Im completely active. I serve in the nursery and Im happy. I just started reading on mormonthink.com last night and holy moly, one should not search things out that they are not mentally prepared for, thats for sure!! Now a lot of things that I read I have heard before. Like Joseph Smith being a treasure hunter etc. I could care less about that. It was everything about the book of mormon itself. That is the ONE thing I have felt is true, regardless of how it came to be. Now my only rope thats been truly holding me on is being cut. I was just looking at my kids a few mins ago and thinking... my goodness, if this isn't true... my temple sealing, being sealed to my kids.. we have two from my past relationship that we have been preparing to get sealed to this year. I want so bad to delete everything I just read today that disproves the book of mormon. Its absolutely breaking my heart right now. The crying just started as Ive been writing this and its just so awful feeling. Ive felt this almost exactly a year ago though too. My husbands parents left the church last year. I asked them why and they told me so much. For a week I was distraught and felt liek my world was falling apart. My husband got out the church history books and started changing my mind about things. The one thing that brought me back was the book of mormon itself. If that is true, then the rest should be too. Then I let the rest go and was back to being a happy camper. Even in my past I have gone inactive saying I wont be going back to the church ever but I still believed the book of mormon was true. I just didnt want to live that way anymore. Really I was just wanting to have sex with guys etc, lol. Bad I know. I am a convert of juat 10 years. Girls camp got me. Besides the births of my 4 boys, girls camp was the happiest time of my life. I cant deny the spirit felt there. It was incredible. I know of course the church does teach a lot of truths. Its just that there is a lot of untruths as well. I am pretty sure after my husband comes home I will pretend everything is ok and go on with life believing what I did before. Just like last year. Im happier that way. Honestly. All I see from leaving the church is absolute heartbreak from myself and hurting my family. I dont think I could do that to them. sighhh. Thats it for now I suppose.

If there is life after death, why would you continue to worship a being who holds your marriage and parenthood ransom for 10% of your income and a promise to always do what he says?

Nobody can tell you you're not your kids' mother. Do you think Elohim will give you amnesia after this life and you won't remember you had kids?

When you die, will you be your mother's daughter or your daughter's mother? Which sealing takes priority? Which sealing defines your afterlife relationships?

Start asking yourself tough questions like this.

Then ask yourself why you give so much power to an alien living in the star system kolob...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 01:52PM by kolobian.

Many people on this board have gone through what you are.

It's ok. We are here for you as you go through it, if you want the help.

Finding out the church isn't true can be devastating.

I'm sorry it's hitting so hard.

I know. I understand. I empathize.

This is a journey, and not one that you have to conclude over night.

My advice is to be reasonably open and honest with your husband and encourage him to study with you.

Keep reading. Keep thinking. Keep dreaming.

Take your time. In what is your interest? The truth? The status quo? Happiness? Can you have real happiness without the truth?

Good luck. MormonThink is an excellent resource. So is:

http://whytheyleave.blogspot.com/

MormonStories (http://mormonstories.org/) also has many good resources. Look for posts about the Second Anointing, Church Correlation, etc. There are also many podcasts about the Book of Mormon historicity etc.

Life need not be bleak simply because the Church isn't what it claims to be!

I might have to disagree. If your husband talked you back into the church after your in-laws had tried to help you see the light, you might want to do your research first. This can be problematic too though, of course. You might consider asking him to study mormonthink and other resources with you, but make it clear that studying is important to you and whether he joins you or not, you want to know the whole truth. The mormonthink "conclusion" invites you to ask 1) If the church weren't true, would you want to know? and 2) How would you know? Ask him these questions. If he insists on only studying church sources (there is a lot of damning information in these as well), ask him if he would want to have one lawyer in a case representing both the prosecution and the defense. He'd be nuts to accept that, yet that is what so many in the church have done, by refusing to look at the plethora of information that has been put together by those that have seen the church for what it really is.

Another great resource to consider in your study is Grant Palmer's "An Insider's view of Mormon Origins" This book is well referenced and makes it very evident where much of the material of the BOM was plagiarized from and that the "Witnesses" to the BOM only saw the Plates with their "Spiritual eyes" and never saw/touched the plates in the physical. Lots of other great info too.

Again, good luck!

WeepingWillow...

Most all of us have experienced the emotions you're now struggling with. While I wouldn't encourage it, if you really feel that shoving it all back on the shelf will make things better, than do so. From my experience, I'm so glad I finally let the shelf come down. I've been out (not formally resigned) for about 7 months now. I know that the shock of it all (especially in the first week or so) can be overwhelming and very depressing. But my whole perspective on life has changed for the better. My family has more time together (no callings and no church - or shorter church), we have more money (no tithing), and I no longer judge like I used to - which feels absolutely wonderful. To accept others and know that I'm okay, regardless of all of my quirks and imperfections... Life is so, so, so, so much better!!!

Take your time with your life decisions, but definitely study things out. Mormonthink has been wonderful for me. This board can also be great therapy, but certainly has its negative moments as well (my wife doesn't like when I share much from it). Just be patient and nonjudgemental about the posters, and you will learn from many of them. We're all trying to cope and recover from the LDS fraud as best we can.

Best of luck in your life path. Feel free to ask questions and vent here when you need to. JUST DON'T GIVE UP!

I have been thinking of some of the issues you have.

IMO.

First of all, God lives and inspires men and women to receive revelations, which possess true eternal principals. Those principals are often set in fictional narratives but the princpals they teach are necessary for a happy and loving life. You can look at the Bhagavid Gita (hinduism) or the Koran, which contain a great many truths, many of which mirror christianity in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Many of the people of the earth have created mythologies or religious scripture which teach these important truths.

Its the same thing with the Book of Mormon. I am sure the Book of Mormon is a fictional narrative which Joseph Smith received through inspiration. As a former TBM, I studied, prayed, and read the Book of Mormon well over 50 times. I cannot tell you how many times I felt the Spirit testify of important eternal principals from those stories that edified me and provided me with strength and purpose. Because of the Book of Mormon, I am happier and more confident in myself and my relationship with God.

Strange thing is, I got to a point with my relationship with God and TSCC, where the Spirit revealed to me TSCC is not true. I struggled for awhile but through praying and pondering, I was able to make sense of it all and I feel incredibly freed now. My growth continues and my relationship with God grows stronger and stronger.

Do I continue to attend church? Yes, I do. There is still wonderful service to be performed there, assisting people, visiting the sick and afflicted, testifying of eternal truths, wonderful relationships which have developed over the years. I seek to serve God and honor Him. I feel Him guiding and teaching me.

Do I buy into everything the church teaches? Absolutely not. Stopped paying tithing awhile back, again because of inspiration. Stopped attending the temple, because of inspiration received. I do attend sacrament and do my home teaching diligently.

You need to decide whats best for you and where you stand. Ponder it over and ask God where He wants you to go. Maybe He would have you attend and remain a non-believer of TSCC. Maybe He would have you leave.

Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and in discovering the truths you did, you can better believe God had His hand in it.

Where ya gonna go from here, tho?

Best of luck.

There is a time and a place for preaching and when someone is really hurting they need comfort not preaching.

Wow, talk about chasing ambulances...

weepingwillow, I was in exactly the same boat as you last summer. My husband told me he didn't believe in June, but I had that tether that the BOM was true. Only it isn't. It was a huge bummer, and I almost couldn't breathe when I first realized it. You are lucky to have your inlaws!

Please protect your children from the misrepresentations of the Mormon church and provide them with more truthful stories and valuable developmental tools.

I might be one of the posts you don't like, but it ticks me off that the Mormon fantasy of "prescious family dressed in white" still works so well. It is a tough thing to do, but dealing with death, disease, and loss is part of the human experience and the Mormon lie which results in the cult controls of the Mormon temple are not the remedy.

This is my take, I am the son of a TBM who has failed to study her church's doctrines, but to her core knows they are true. I believe for the very reason you need them to be true. S that she will have an eternal family.

I wish you well, believe it or not that was gentle.

it is devastating to learn it's not true. I remember the day I knew. I sat in my car and cried for almost two hours. Then I felt relief.

When I found out the lds church wasn't true, I was THRILLED.

After all, they told me my husband was going to hell if he didn't become straight. Sure, I was going to lose my marriage, but I worked for 21 years to understand why this person I loved was going to hell for something he didn't CHOOSE.

Like you and Tupperware, I didn't know what to do the moment I realized the church wasn't true. It was the scariest thought in the world (I was a convert, too). The darkness that the church teaches about was what I felt at that time. What they didn't share, and probably don't know, is that eventually, that darkness lifted. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. But man, it was hard at times. Reeeeeeallly hard.

My only advice is to consider the alternatives that are presented.

As far as this board being negative, unrestrained is perhaps a better word. This board is that one friend who you know will tell you that you have a piece of spinach in your teeth.

Im really sorry for the original post. It basically just flew out after read about the young womens activity thing. I always love that stuff and it hurt my feelings. That's where the negativeness came in. That and you are all just expressing how you feel about the church that Im still technically a part of so of course that is hard to read.
I do apologize for that. I hope you can forgive me and hopefully understand.

Don't worry! Man, the people on this board are the best dysfunctional family I've ever had; warts, bruises, punching and all because I know they care and I know they've been hurt like me, and I know we're all in it together.

No apologies necessary. We're here to help and support.

Agreed, no apologies, your feelings are valid and important. It isn't surprising at all that you would feel hurt.

we're glad you came back.

c12, Yes, I have been through the temple. Married in the sacramento temple in 2007 and went for just the second time on our anniversary in December to the Baton Rouge Temple. We live in Mississippi now.

Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. This site is for "Recovery" and recovery is often painful, and at times negative - but it's a process that many must go through. I was in the church since birth for over 45 years. Like you, I began reading Mormonthink.com, and I was in a state of shock, sadness, anger, etc. This forum helped me tremendously. It has been four years now. I left the church for good. That church is stealing from you - precious moments with your family, your money, your emotions. It's drains the life out of people. It's a scam. The Q15 live like kings. There is absolutely no evidence of the BOM whatsoever - no geographical, cultural, linguistic, archeological, etc. It is false. I also had many good feeling in the church - but feelings don't make facts. Stay on this forum for awhile. There are wonderful people here.

No need for apologies - most of us just let things fly out our fingertips without thinking :-)

It *is* hard. Almost everybody here has gone through what you are going through. When everything your life revolves around turns out to be a sham, it takes a lot to deal with it. Many people have moved beyond that initial shock. Many are angry about the way they were suckered or treated. That's where some of that negativity comes from. It's cathartic for many of us to poke fun of those things we used to think were sacred. It's all part of the process.

You *will* find those who are *extremely* sympathetic with your position. Don't give up on the site, but do know that sometimes it might hurt to be here.

I forgive you and I understand.

What I hope to help you understand is that, just because someone criticizes a YW activity that you liked, that criticism is not meant as a personal criticism of you and your tastes and preferences. When I was in YW, I did not enjoy those types of activities because the message within them did not address my own personal circumstances.

For example, I was supposed to have this goal of having a temple marriage. But I was one of two converts in my entire family, so a temple marriage for me meant not one single relative other than my dad would be at my wedding. I'd cut off my mom, my sister, my grandparents, my cousins, my friends. That's maybe a fine message if you and all your family are members of the church, but when you are the only one, the church is asking you to isolate yourself from your own beloved support system. Teenagers need to feel secure and loved and most of all, accepted. Isolating myself was not going to make me feel that way, so I rejected this goal of temple marriage.

My opinion of that should in no way reflect upon you, your choices, your marriage, your family, or your belief system.

Unfortunately, the church teaches us to be so accountable to one another, we forget about the boundaries between you and your rights and me and my rights. And we all have a right to the pursuit of happiness, right?

I'm sure this is very difficult for you. Please go slowly and take up one issue at a time. We're all here to support each other and that includes you.

weepingwillow.
I was the same as you when I came here last summer - looking for answers to the BOA.
I have received some wonderful advise from the people here, they have been through similar things. They are a lovely bunch.
I remember the shock and feeling of loss, how you feel numb and conned and more.
Stick here, read. Sometimes it is negative, but I think that reflects peoples experiences.often there is a lot of humour.
Keep asking questions. People will be here for you. Take your time.

Yes, take your time. Stay active if you want. Not everyone here are ex Mormons. There are a lot who are still working things through. Others just lurk here and read. We are all in different stages. There are people here who still hold callings. There are even ex bishops, stake presidents, etc. on this board. Even a past prophet's grandson. Lots of former missionaries too and people with rich Mormon heritage.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It's always hard to go against what your family believes. I enjoyed girls camp. It was fun to be in the mountains. I enjoyed the firesides we had with star athletes and Osmonds. That for me was fun, but I don't know how spiritual I really felt about it. The big problems was I didn't get any real spiritual feeling for the church. I questioned things, I hated the way my friends became "different" and less friendly when they went to BYU, etc. I wasn't happy, not at all. I felt like I was living a lie. I didn't want to feel guilty about the music I listened to (which was actually a very positive force in my life).

Finally one day I prayed and asked to know the truth. I had done so before, but this time I really felt I needed to know so I could continue on. That feeling never came. I decided that was it. I was done wasting my time doing things I didn't want to do (like stupid church jobs and pretending to fit in with people that I didn't fit in with). Keep in mind that I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing so nobody can ever tell me that I didn't feel the spirit because I was doing "bad" things. I had no desire to drink, do drugs, sleep around, etc. I was tired of feeling like a failure because I wasn't yet married. I'm sure it's harder for you because you have a family, but keep trying to find out and work on it with your husband.

Weepingwillow, I was a full believing Mormon just a few months ago, and I also came across things about the Book of Mormon that proved it false. It also broke my heart, and I cried off and on for about 2 weeks. I felt really betrayed and confused about what life was all about. It's hard too if your spouse is still in the church, but my advice is to be brave. Talk to your husband when you're ready. I talked to my wife after I studied more first and was ready to explain it better. She quickly saw the truth for what it was, and she has left with me too. I know it's going to hurt, but life gets so much better when you know the truth! Now that we are out, we have so much extra time to spend with our family, we are free from the guilt and fear, like wondering if we were ever good enough to make it to the Celestial Kingdom, and it is so liberating once you get through the tough part. We have a very bright and positive outlook on life, and now things make so much more sense. I know it's a hard thing to do, changing your beliefs and seeking for truth, but it's a worthwhile cause that will change your life for the better. People on this forum are a great support. Sometimes we might seem angry, but that's because we feel we've been lied to for so long, and the leaders have not be honest with us. I hope you stick around, and keep studying MormonThink and other things, but at a pace you can handle.

Coming to this board to research doctrinal issues is good, but please keep in mind many of us came to this board ripped to shreds by the church, with loss of family, divorce, years of wasted life.

There is a fine line between negativity and open raw honesty, which is what I see on this board. As members of the church, we were all taught to see everything other than the church stance as a negative. It just isn't so. Welcome to the real world.

I also felt this board was a little harsh when I first started learning the truth about the church. I spent a lot more time at postmormon.org because it felt a little more tame. You might want to try there also. Now that I've been out a while I prefer it here.

Don't get hung up on the Book of Mormon.

DNA has already shown that the book is a fake.
The forefathers of the American Indians were not Hebrews.
DNA clearly shows that those people came from Asia.

Go slow, it takes time to process all this info.

I wish you the best.

If you are never coming here again, why would you start a thread?

Dude, have you read anything the OP wrote after the initial post? She's confused. Like many of us at some point or another in our recovery. And she needs support that the majority of us are giving.

+1000

WeepingWillow - Almost everyone on this board has been through what you are going through. You will be able to relate to people here in a way you didn't think was possible. You will need support and we are here to give it.

You know, I'm brand new here, too. This is my first comment, in fact. I've lurked for a long while, and only recently created an account. I have also been on the fence for a long time, and I'm finally taking the plunge off of it. The reason I've hung around here, and now joined, is specifically because I was impressed with the brutal honesty I saw here. Am I confused? Absolutely. But I'm okay with that because it means I'm making progress in my search for truth. It's a step above blind faith.

Best of luck to you.

Welcome!!

Awesome! Always glad to hear there are more of us truth seeker pioneers out there!

awesome! I'm glad you joined

Welcome! Congratulations on writing your first post; hope to hear more.

Thanks! I'm sure you'll hear more from me. I'm not really the quiet type.

I often thing we should have a section for newbies that is kept upbeat and friendly that they can hang out in before getting to experience the rawness of the general board. A milk before meat kind of thing ;) I have seen people engage in absolutely vicious arguments on here, to the point that I think they would attack each other physically if in the same room. I have also seen the most genuine outpourings of love and support you can get, and we are all pretty much strangers here which makes those outpourings all the more special. What you can always count on from this place is honesty. And after a lifetime in the church I value that more way more than a world filled with false fronts of happiness and fake friendships.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2013 02:45PM by jesuswantsme4asucker.

No. I think we should just keep it real. Let the pyramid schemes keep up appearances..

Welcome. Your doubts are new to you, so this board will very much seem rough and tumble. But the people here have tremendous hearts.

You might try the New Order Mormon board if this place doesn't suit. Best of luck to you. We'll keep the light on if you ever change your mind. :-)

I agree with the OP. When I was in the "TBM, but sort of beginning to doubt" stage, I used to come on this site, and it wasn't nice reading some comments on here. For example, I'd read a thread about how "mormons are so stupid", or "mormons have no respect for other people". Whilst I was doubting a bit, I still considered myself a mormon. This wasn't the friendliest board to read...

We shouldn't ridicule the people we're trying to de-convert.

There are some mormons that do horrible things. But when you want to talk about that on this board, talk about the specific person. If your priesthood leader sends you a hostile message or something, then, yes, post about it on here, but not with a thread title "Mormons are so hostile!". Some open-minded mormons, that aren't hostile, read this board, and stuff like that doesn't give a good impression of us imo.

There are enough posts here to find the ones which uplift you and you can ignore the ones that don't.

I do think there's a right forum fit for everyone though. I wish you luck in your journey.