If you feel like a wimp around mormons and think you should start standing up to them a bit more, here's how. Practice in small ways and build on your successes.

Mormonism taught us to take responsibility for how other mormons feel. With time away from that constant indoctrination, we hopefully learn that we can't control how others think and feel and it's disingenuous to constantly act and say whatever we think might keep them placated.

Any new skill can grow with practice. Think about the first time you tried to drive a car or say your times tables. Trying to do something is the first step toward building a skill. Try it, practice it, and practice more and we can become more comfortable and better at almost anything we want to do inculding telling mormons no or saying we'd rather not do whatever mormon activity they choose.

Will the mormons be angry and disappointed if we don't accept their invitation to attend sacrament meeting or trick or trunk?

Yes, they might. But with practice we can recover from worrying more about mormon whims than our own recovery and comfort level.

I talked to a friend the other day who said she was having coffee with a friend and a stranger approached and asked to join them. The friend soon left and the stranger stayed and talked about his religion *for two hours!*

My poor friend hated it but was too non-assertive to cut off the conversation and walk away. She was afraid this guy would feel rebuffed if she ended the conversation and thought it would be mean to sadden him. Unbelievable, right?!

This is the same attitude I see expressed often on RfM. Someone says they hate it when mormons impose on them but it would be mean and nasty to tell them openly how they actually feel.

I think this attitude represents a level of mormon brainwashing or early training in the home. I think it's time for many of us to stop taking responsibility for the mormon church teaching our families, friends, and well-meaning mormon strangers at the door to disrespect normal social boundaries with us.

I'm not talking about being rude or nasty. I'm talking about honest communication.

Here are some strategies to consider and to **practice.**

"Mom, I never read the Ensigns you send. I'd like you to stop sending them and use that money on something nice you'd enjoy. In fact, I think I'll call them for a refund check and you can use it for a dinner out."

"Bish, I won't be attending a meeting with you over my resignation. I just don't have the time and don't want to give you false hope. Please respect my decision and process your paperwork."

"You're a mormon missionary? Not interested. Have a nice day." Close door.

"You're phoning to ask me to attend the ward potluck? Sorry, I have other plans."

"Are you the RS lady who is sending me monthly messages and greeting cards? I'm sure you must mean well, but I'm not interested and want you to save the time and trouble. Please send my message along to the bish and RP."

My friend in the coffeeshop could have said, "You're very articulate and I've heard your ideas. I'm simply not a religious person and not as interested in the subject as you are. It's time for me to go. Goodbye."

What she did? She wasted two hours listening to a fanatical Bible thumper when she could have been lounging in her garden with a good book.

As a teacher I tell students they must try new difficult skills and practice them. I can't think of a time when this plan hasn't worked for any of them. It's worked for me and it feels good to feel courageous and in charge of my own life.

Important topic. I think Mormonism inculcates inappropriate passivity, submission, and politeness (Door-mat Syndrome).