Back again, looking for advice. I have been in the process of bargaining with TBM wife how we will handle our young children through my separation from the TSCC.

She indicated that she still wants to take them to church, I responded that that would be fine as long as every other family home evening was my topic (RfM style discussion), and that my religious beliefs would be just as respected as hers. She loosely agreed but I'm not sure she understands what she agreed to.

I love my wife and kids but I can see this whole thing blowing up when/if my wife's TBM bulldozer psyche gets torpedoed by my openness with the children.

In the end, I want my children to feel loved and safe at home. I'm troubled by the idea they will have both their parents confusing the hell out of them with competing world views that don't agree.

Also, I'm worried TBM wife will bad talk my views and make me look like an awful person (which I'm not) behind my back. I know about this one personally, my mother did it when I was a child while my father was leaving the TSCC.

Can anybody who has ever been in this situation share recommendations for balance in the home? It is looking like it may be impossible to achieve.

Thanks.

My sister is the tbm in this situation you describe. In their eyes you will be the reason anything bad happens. You can't win because the mindset in her is against you. It's hard to live like this, my sister is on the verge of divorce and the dad will get all the blame for everything wrong. the guy isn't a saint, but she blames everything on him because he isn't tbm

Has your wife done anything at all like this to you yet? I can't stress how dangerous it is to project your own parents into your relationship with your spouse.

Make it lessons about "peers". How to think logically about social situations that will arise at "school", when all the while your info is engineered to parry church idiocy like the double bind, thought stoppers, and logical fallacies.
They will be good at seeing through false authority with you teaching them.

...maybe you could explain to them how religion is a matter of opinion. Some people like one, some like another and some don't like any of them.

Maybe point out cases where they don't like something that other people like -- a TV show, a food, etc. They are't stupid, bad or crazy for not liking what the other people like. They shouldn't pretend to like those things in order to fit in with others. (I guess this is also a lesson about peer pressure, conformity and individuality.)

But generally, instead of having a war over who's right about Mormonism and who's wrong, train them to keep their minds open on the matter. Train them to consider what they really think about something. Then, hopefully, they won't get stuck in the indoctrination trap.

One thing my husband asked of me was that I give him a weekend a month for family stuff. I agreed, but with the provision that we would go somewhere, geocaching, camping, to the coast, or something. I wasn't going to skip church if we were just going to stay home. If I was honest with myself, it was a relief to do so, and get a break from church. Of course, we never got to test it because I was out of the church three weeks later. It seemed like a good plan.

I'd also explain to your wife that if she vilifies you to the kids, that it will harm your marriage. If you were to divorce, she would be in a much worse situation than she is now with regards to the kids and the church. Explain that you want the kids to grow up and think, and choose religion for themselves if it's what they think is right.