In this article the author lists 42 things he loves about his wife. Arguably the top 8-12, and many others, are "church-related." I hope neither of them, by decision or exposure, allows their understanding of truth to evolve away from the church. If that happens, this love-as-manifest-by-list may be doomed.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865578797/42-things-I-love-about-my-wife-2-plus-an-invitation.html?pg=all#cxrecs_s

Not to be too critical, many of the things are very sweet and healthy - especially the points about responsible parenting and sense of humor.

Two things bother me. One, this is a bad example of what to strive for in a marriage - especially if it becomes the criteria for picking one's mate. And many of us know that we were taught to choose righteous, faithful-to-the-brethren partners ABOVE all else on our pre-marital, must-haves-in-my-eternal-marriage-spousal-qualities checklist.

Second, there are several critical qualities missing from this list (imho - though I think even the mass-murderer of pre, intra, extra, and post marital happiness, "even" our beloved Spencer W Kimball would be-in-favor if he could raise his right arm to the square from the grave, or from hell). PASSION towards each other, FISCAL maturity, and COMMUNICATION skills.

Hand-holding, which makes up several items on his list, is nominally intimate but not necessarily passionate. Almost everyone should hold hands, and could hold hands, without it having any marital or partnering influence. For example, I may loathe you as a person, but fiercely want to win a game of Red Rover. If we are on the same team and next to each other in line we will hold hands tightly for the duration.

Money problems are a leading stressor (likely causal) in failed or failing partnerships. One pervasive, and ultimately undermining, financial teaching in the church is to pay ten percent first, no matter your financial condition. Other non-financially-presented teachings are nonetheless financially devastating, for example, to pay for a mission with your own money, go on a mission at the risk of losing college scholarships and delaying entry into the job market, never delay procreation (after marriage), to not limit family size, and retire early in order to devote your time and savings to serving senior couples missions. And lastly, the communication IQ (or maybe emptional intelligence) that is required to participate in fulfilling partnerships and successful parenthood REQUIRES a more robust, nuanced, honest, and empathetic level of human and cognitive understanding, a broader vocabulary, and deeper understanding of the non-mythical human condition than what the church can or will provide.

Building a surviving and thriving life on earth, with all of its complexities, is a near impossible proposition with the stunted, generally irrelevant, black and white, kindergarten toolbox many of us earned through so much repetition and stagnation over months, years and decades in the church.

His list could almost completely apply to a close family friend or neighbor, which wouldn't really make his marriage unique, happy, or viable.

Anyway, to skip the article, or if the link doesn't work, here are his top twelve:

"The first few would be easy, right? I love her faith (1) in God and her (2) unwavering loyalty to his son, Jesus Christ. I love that she prays (3) often, reads (4) her scriptures daily and has filled many journals (5) with her insights on life, family and love.
I also love that she attends church (6) no matter the obstacles and fulfills her assignments there (7) with every ounce of energy she’s got.
My wife lives to serve (8) others and never hesitates to step outside (9) her comfort zone. She’s a terrific teacher (10) and equally stellar student (11). For every pesky weakness, she has an even more powerful desire to turn them to strengths (12)."

He has conveniently omitted being thankful for being able to buy prozac for her in magnum, Costco sized packaging.

I'm afraid if she read mormon Think he wouldn't find much to love about her anymore.

To me the list sounds childish. Shallow.

"My wife doesn’t watch R-rated movies (38), rarely sees anything PG-13 and has refused to see some PG movies if she’s heard they’re not as clean as advertised."

Oh BARF!

It's like saying 'I love my wife because she hasn't seen many truly wonderful films and that she prefers to stay in the cultural realm of children.'

This^
This list is wholly impersonal. It is self-aggrandizing to the writer and makes him come off as a prick. He doesn't love her for anything he's had to challenge himself to recognize or appreciate. He loves her because he can come up with an entirely judgmental list and she'll submit to it.

Oh, and I forgot to add. The list is a lie. I'm not buying it. I've seen plenty of TBM men eulogizing their living wives. In my experience, the women in question are always plagued by deep anxiety and insecurity. Why are women so adored, so self-loathing? Something smells fishy. . .

God = Number 1.

They can never match up to His matchless love. No matter how many platitudes TBM men give their wives they still aren't equals in their god's sight.

MCR Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> In my experience,
> the women in question are always plagued by deep
> anxiety and insecurity. Why are women so adored,
> so self-loathing? Something smells fishy.

Because this is a list of thing he expects from his wife, not things he loves about his wife. He's made up a dream woman in his head and as far as the wife he has is willing to jump through the things listed, he loves her. Who wouldn't be insecure if their spouse only loved them conditionally? If my husband only truly loved the part he wrote for me and considered me a mere actress whose value is based on how well I bring that part to life, I'd be insecure too. Because he didn't get to know and love me, he only loves me as far as I'm translated correctly.

.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2013 03:49PM by CA girl.

I love my wife because she loves me back — even on the days I make that difficult (1).

My wife likes to work with children (2). She’s a terrific teacher (3).

I love that my wife is a marvelous mom (4). Because I'm a crappy dad, my wife carries an extra burden (5). Does she complain about wearing a dad hat sometimes? yes (6), and I love that about her, too.

When she laughs (7). And when she smiles (8).

Even as we dated, I grew to love my wife’s respect for schedules (9). She always strives to be on time (10) and her organizational skills make that easier. I’m also in love with her work ethic (11) and the fact that she never quits (12) until a job is done.

My wife watches R-rated movies (13). I especially love her dedication to reading literature (14).

I love that she doesn’t pretend to be perfect (15).

God = Number 1 is strange to me.

I always loved this one from the Proverbs describing the "virtuous wife"

I don't know if there are ANY TBM priesthood holders who could stand it if their wives did this:

"She considereth a piece of land, and she buyeth it".

Independent financial planning and operating!!! OMG!

She's so good with money management she prospers the whole household. Her goods go out with the merchant ships and the profits role back in. It't the ancient equivalence to the stock market now.

I have an uncle who was raised without a formal religion in the home, but attended primary as a Non-member in the little mormon town he grew up in during the 30's and 40's.

He graduated from MIT. My Aunt told us later what a challenge it was to learn how to pick stocks. She was a secretary when they met and after they married he sent her to school to learn how to work the market by buying and selling. The family broker would call and say:Stock such and such is at this, do you want me to buy or sell? And she'd have to make the call.

She did well, they have a comfortable retirement. Uncle said he was making a lot of money and he didn't want to loose it, he wanted it to grow so he asked her to go to school and learn a new skill.

He apreciated her and misses her sorely.

A list is one thing, examples are others. Details, man, where are the details? She takes over and becomes dad when he's gone? What does that even mean?

He's made her out to sound like the perfect doting, caring, responsible, chaste wife, and aren't I so lucky that she's with me? The challenge? To make a list about spouses like the one he made?

Instead, how about living each day and dealing with the ups and downs and working together through the hard times and easy times and still making love at night (or in the morning or mid-day) because you want to be close or need to be close? Sex? Anywhere in that list?

Shallow list. Sad. And she probably loves it. Sad.

I love my wife because I am a pedophile.

I love that she's brain washed and can't think for herself and see what a jerk I really am and how great she is and is more worthy to hold the priesthood than me.