Parental manipulations come in different stripes.

My experience is not necessarily relevant to your experience. So if it doesn't sound like your situation feel free to disregard.

I made a leap that she wants to set the course of your life, but it could be she just wants personal services and attention. Those are two very different problems. My bad.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2013 04:50PM by crom.

No apology needed at all! I have no idea what is going on in her head... Only that my head hurts trying to figure it out. I've been reading all day about narcissistic personalities and one thing that struck me is that they often seem like really nice people. My mom is always giving me little gifts and things... A long as I follow her rules.

I feel overwhelmed and bewildered now that I am finally coming to terms with the fact that we have a bad relationship. I still don't know what I am going to do or ever how.... But there is some power knowing that there is a problem and I want to make a change.

Kinda like when I left the church... It took a while, but once I decided it was bad for me, I was out.

You'll figure out the best course for you as you learn more. And never forget your resources here and whatever resources you have at home too.

I've had many people (distant relatives) tell me how wonderful my mother is. She CAN be really sweet (in a phony sort of way, even with me), but if you don't give her what she wants--including sympathy for ceaseless complaining--she's not so nice. And usually she lets you know in a passive aggressive way or through a certain sibling, so it's hard to call her on it. Any time anyone has called her directly on HER behavior, she breaks down in tears and is so hurt and offended. And then family-generated hellfire rains down on the person who DARED hurt poor mother. It's not worth it to confront her.

It can be hard to trust yourself on the narcissism thing, when they often present themselves well in public. But I don't need an official diagnosis to recognize some behaviors that I don't want to be a part of, and I've been able to put a stop to some of it.

One thing that helped a sibling of mine was that a couple of people at assisted living mentioned odd behavior of my mother, and specifically mentioned narcissism. Is there anyone else who knows her that you could talk to about this, and get another perspective on her?

I never realized that so many Mormon women had such horrible relationships with their mothers.

I have to say that sadly it's nice to know i'm not the only one.

It's a good read on not what to do with my own daughter. Not that we've ever had the problem. If i'd stayed Mormon though it could have been a disaster for our relationship.

Being an exmormon daughter of a devout mormon mother is not a good thing in most cases.