I'm still very much in the church. My husband, mom, and aunt know of my disaffection, as do a couple of friends I've met on campus who are going through something similar, but that's it. If anyone else knows, it's not because I told them and I don't know that they know.

The gossip mill asked me how my neighbor is doing because they'd heard that maybe she had left the church a bit ago and thought I might know. I don't; I miss most of the ward gossip. I did ask a friend in the ward if she knew anything about it and she said that she did but wasn't going to tell me (yay for standards re: gossip; that is actually very pleasing) but that my neighbor did go through a "rough patch."

This neighbor is one of the women who has seemed the most genuine and I think she's fantastic. I'd like to connect with her to have a sounding board/ally/mentor/whatever it ends up being if the gossip is correct and she has left. But, I don't want to put my foot in my mouth or make it awkward if it's not true. Is it okay to just send her an email with some polite form of "so, I heard XYZ and I'm feeling XYZ toward the church. Can we talk?"

"Hi Mary - I've been concerned about you. We've really missed you at Homemaking. They mentioned this week at Ward Correlation you've been going through a rough patch. Is there anything I can do?"

Spoken with intense sincerity while staring directly into her soul. Then bear your testimony.

Oh wait, wrong scene.

An email invitation is fine, but I'd drop the first part about hearing XYZ as that may put her on the defensive. Invite her over for lunch and explain your situation in person.

Introduce the topic by letting her know you think she's fantastic and most genuine and can keep a confidence, so you'd like her thoughts on your struggle with the church. If she asks why you're confiding in her, just reiterate the above - she is genuine and you would value her opinion and advice.

If she's willing to open up about her stuggles with the church as well, you're on your way.

But, I wouldn't presume her rough patch is losing her faith; it could be something else entirely.

Just tell her that you heard she'd been having a hard time, but nothing else, and wanted to see if you can do anything. Let her know that you've been going through stuff yourself, and have questions about the church. Maybe she'll open up, and maybe not, but at least you can go out for a cup of hot cocoa or something.

I would invite her over for lunch, but I wouldn't tackle the issue directly. I would just ask her, during the course of conversation, if she's still an active member, and see what she says.