Why I prefer the use of the term: Tribe regarding Mormonism.
More on why the term: Tribe as part of the lexicon and doctrine of the LDS Church,why it is hard to leave it.
Preface:
I am a bit a purist when it comes to the use of words. Cult has a general definition that has to do with worship or churches in general.
I do not use the term: cult re: Mormonism anymore than I would for Lutherans, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, etc.
It's my view that the word: cult has too often become an emotionally loaded pejorative and used maliciously to disparage people's religion. I won't do that to Mormons or Mormonism becauese I want to keep the doors of communication open, not shut off all hope of future relationships.
I am also a skeptic and use critical thinking skills to evaluate how authors of books, who are accepted as some kind of authority, (in this instance), have used the word: cult to disenfranchise people who are living a different religion than they are. I don't buy into that kind of play on the gullibility of people that may be in a raw, emotional state.
I reject their authoritative manipulation of the words, just like I do anyone else who does the same thing.
My analysis (short version) - Mormonism functions as tribalism.
Mormonism in my long experience and observation is more accurately described as a patriarchal, generational, cultural, religious tribe. In fact the word: tribe is used in their lexicon.
As a convert, I was considered an adopted member of the tribe.
Considering how tribes manifest, it is, in my view, the best way to understand how Mormonism creates a whole paradigm for the individual in a familial, societal, religious context aka tribe.
Leaving Mormonism is, for many, leaving their tribe in every sense of the word.
When leaving the LDS Church, we are, in deed, leaving our tribe. As believers, the member was told, through their Patriarchal Blessings that (for the most part) the member "is of the house of Israel—a descendant of Abraham, belonging to a specific tribe of Jacob. Many Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe given the primary responsibility to lead the latter-day work of the Lord."This is an integral core doctrine as part of their claim that they are a Restoration Church with the keys to act in the name of Jesus Christ.
REFERENCE:
"Patriarchal blessings are given to worthy members of the Church by ordained patriarchs. Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection
Declaration of Lineage
A patriarchal blessing includes a declaration of lineage, stating that the person is of the house of Israel—a descendant of Abraham, belonging to a specific tribe of Jacob. Many Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe given the primary responsibility to lead the latter-day work of the Lord.
Because each of us has many bloodlines running in us, two members of the same family may be declared as being of different tribes in Israel.
It does not matter if a person's lineage in the house of Israel is through bloodlines or by adoption. Church members are counted as a descendant of Abraham and an heir to all the promises and blessings contained in the Abrahamic covenant."
More info here.
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=17517c2fc20b8010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRDMore on why it's hard to leave:
When we leave the LDS Church/Mormonism, (belief system), in many ways the perception by the believers is that we betrayed and rejected our heritage - our Tribe: our family, discarded our societal system, and our support system, including our friends and are now outsiders.
That is at the core, in my observation and experience, of why it's so difficult to leave the LDS Church. In many cases, every single element of our entire life, our total environment is tied up in our heritage, whether we are BIC (Born in the Covenant), or a convert (an adopted member of the tribe.)
Welcome to the Wide World of Ideas: life is no longer a set of answers to every question, black and white, right and wrong, good and bad thinking. There is a whole new gray area and lots of new options.
The life or an outsider (apostate) requires a whole new World View and new support system. That is a daunting task and something that takes time. It also takes time and patience dealing with those who are living with and observing our changes. They need time to adjust to our major changes.
The looming question: If the LDS claims are not acceptable to be believed, then what is? And therein lies the journey and the need for information and support. Often that is found in this board and other online support boards.
One of the important elements, as I have experienced leaving Mormonism has been to take my power back and own it. That means I am very careful about who I give power over my life to. It also includes knowing we are OK and were OK all along. We can trust ourselves!
It means no longer acquiescing to religious/ecclesiastical authority.
It means learning to set new boundaries which is often difficult coming out of a religious environment with very few boundaries and a very large Confidentiality Loop.
What was acceptable in the day to day life of Mormonism and how it functions, is suddenly no longer the case. The controls (enforced or implied) are gone. The individual is left to figure it out for themselves.
Fortunately, we have the ability to touch base with others, to know we are not alone. We can learn from others. We can listen to a wide variety of opinions and decide what works for us. We don't all experience Mormonism the say way, nor so we leave it the same way.
We can carve out a new life of our own, based on our own ability to chart our own life on our own terms. How we do that is up to us. I prefer not to take all of the religious experiences so seriously. The past is gone and done with. I don't want it to mess up my present. What I want to remember with gratitude and cherish are the parts with value which are mostly my family.
Leaving Mormonism, or leaving your tribe, however one approaches the exit process, as I describe it, is never about being weak. It is about being strong enough to feel the fear and do it anyway even if the consequences of our decisions are not known at the time.
Leaving Mormonism is about keeping your self confidence, self esteem, self respect cranked up on high and not allowing anyone to destroy any part of you.
Leaving Mormonism is about giving yourself permission to be authentic and create your own World View. It's about taking off the Mormon filter and seeing the world with new eyes. It's about deleting and replacing dozens of automatic thinking scripts imprinted by years of teachings.
Leaving Mormonism is not just about having some hurt feelings or being offended, or having a bad experience. Life for everyone is filled with those kinds of experiences. If it were true that people left because of those notions, there would be no Mormons left in the church! :-)
Leaving Mormonism is about taking your power back and owning it and not being intimidated by the leaders or others who put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Their authority only exists if we give it to them.
It is about choosing not to live by the doctrines/policies of a powerful, authoritative church that has something to say about every facet of one's life from what one eats, how one dresses-right down to the regulation 24/7 underwear, how one spends money, and their time. Mormonism is a life-style.
It's about being willing to step outside the cultural, religious boundaries of the familial tribe, and be OK doing it.
It is about setting boundaries and not allowing any Mormon leader to intrude into their personal lives, especially asking if one masturbates and other questions of a sexual nature. This is particularly inappropriate when a bishop interviews 12 to 19 year olds (males and females) in the privacy of his office with no parent present. (My view is that will have to stop and the sooner the better!)
Leaving Mormonism is about recognizing that covenants and promises made on the metaphysical, supernatural claims at baptism, in the temple, sealing ceremony (for after death), etc. are not binding, never were and never will be. Only the God Myth gives those covenants validity. Legally, there is no contract.
A careful study of D&C 132 with a comparison of the temple marriage ceremony dialog and the endowments in the temple show that the policy of polygamy (New and Everlasting Covenant) has not stopped, only changed in how it is currently lived to comply with the laws that were in existence all along. Read carefully, recall what you said and did, the marriage ceremony is tucked into your covenant to give all you have (time, talents, money) to the church. Some wonder if they ever married each other, of if they married the church.
Leaving Mormonism takes a huge dose of courage, tenacity and perseverance to withstand the onslaught of any Mormon who tries to discourage you from making your own choices.
There are some Mormons who have preconceived ideas that those who leave must have sinned, not repented fully or enough or in the proper way, not tried hard enough, didn't read the scriptures enough or with sincere intent, did not pray enough or in the right way, did not have the right attitude, lost "the spirit," were adulterers, and apostates, labeling their prior friends and relatives as something less than acceptable.
They operate out of fear that they have lost their "Celestial Family." which has been well imprinted by generations of the cultural, tradition mores of the tribe.
Those who leave are often treated as an enemy -- the spawn of Satan, and as such are often shunned and ignored after being denigrated in the most despicable manner; some, more so than others. A few escape this completely.This is especially grievous behavior when it occurs in families and is used as a wedge.
Some forget their own 11th Article of Faith in their zeal to denigrate and vilify anyone who leaves.
11th Article of Faith "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own heart, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."
It is a breath of fresh air to meet a Mormon who is respectful and will honestly honor the choice to leave Mormonism and live their own 11th Article of Faith. Fortunately, I'm married to one!
It might be a little bit of a side-ways acceptance, as they maintain the Mormon World View, but at least, some do try. And, for that, I am very grateful!
Leaving Mormonism is knowing and never forgetting that you are OK, you were OK all along. You did nothing "wrong." There is no need for guilt, or shame either.
Leaving Mormonism is also about being able to have a good healthy, healing laugh at ourselves and the goofy, funny things we used to do. Takes awhile to get to that point, for some. I'm fortunate. I get to the humor quickly and I find it very healing.
Leaving Mormonism is about knowing that it is OK to be an authentic adult and choose your own underwear! How funny is that anyhow?
The word: Tribe best describes my observations, and experiences living the religion as a convert or several decades, completely immersed as a believing member. It is an analysis that gives me the greatest latitude in understanding how it functions and why it is difficult to leave it. I like the term, as it's all inclusive, encompassing the totality of it's history and how it functions today.
Our experiences are often very different as LDS folks for dozens of reasons. One does not minimize the other just because they are different.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
Friedrich Nietzsche