A really close college friend (he probably considers me one of his best friends) who now lives a couple hours away is getting married. Just got his wedding invitation with a sealing invite. I lost faith in the church 1.5 yrs ago, temple recommend expired last year, stopped going to church 2 months ago. Sad thing is of all our college friends I'm the one that actually lives close to the temple where hes getting married and may be the only one he was for sure counting on to attend. Any advice on how to break the news to him? I'm still planning on going but sitting outside the temple and waiting, will that be super weird? His open house is not until the day after the temple wedding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2013 11:09PM by rusty123.

Just call your friend and tell them the truth. If there is one thing I can almost count on from my friends it's the truth.

I would tell him the truth, that you don't want to be Mormon anymore, and reassure him that it doesn't have anything to do with you two being best friends. I would go and sit and wait outside the temple to show your support. TBM's really have to accept and expect these type of things when it is such a tightly monitored "country club" or "players club" atmosphere for temple weddings.

I am planning on telling him the truth I'm just debating how in depth I'm going to go on why I stopped going to church.

rusty123 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am planning on telling him the truth I'm just
> debating how in depth I'm going to go on why I
> stopped going to church.


Why wouldn't a simple "I just don't believe it anymore" serve your purposes?

Even as a TBM, I never got the mentality of why people think that sitting outside of a building you are not allowed into (even in freezing cold or boiling hot) is somehow "showing support". To me it's a waste of time...that can potentially be needlessly embarrassing. Even all the little kids who get all dressed up. Stay at home and watch cartoons, play outside, or do or make something creative for the new married couple.

Show your support by going to the reception, hugging them, and give them your bet wishes. That is something they can remember and appreciate. They can't appreciate your "support" if you are sitting outside the temple where they don't even know if you are there (because they have to go like two hours early).

+1 tell him the truth but offer to see them at the reception. It 'll save alot of questions from observers. If hes really upset agree to sit outside. Youll be showing more love & compassion than most Mos. at Exmo. events!

a building you aren't allowed into because you are UNWORTHY.

So you want to sit outside as a sign of support while the reason you sit there is because they don't believe you are worthy.

Big mistake.

This is how I would handle it: Say, ["Name,] I am so excited for you! What wonderful news! We haven't been in touch for a while so I have some news of my own that may come as a surprise to you. After very careful thought and consideration, I have decided to part ways with the Mormon church. I have not attended services for several months now, and my recommend has already expired. It turns out that I am no longer comfortable with the history and doctrines of the church.

My decision is final, and I hope that you will respect my choice as I respect yours. I would be honored to greet you and your new wife after you come out of the temple after your sealing, and to celebrate with you at your reception. I hope that this will work for you."

If he presses for a reason, say, "I don't want to detract from your happy time. If you look at the Mormon Think website, you will get a taste of a number of the issues that started to lead me down this path. But I am truly not interested in discussing it. This is a highly personal decision that I hope you will respect."

If he bears testimony, say, "I know that you believe in the eleventh article of faith. Please respect that. I'm glad that the church works for you, but it doesn't work for me."

That's a great response.

Tell your friend, support him and try not to make it about you on his wedding day.

Or you could always borrow someone else's recommend ;-)

'To thine own self be true'