Because I'm never going back to the cult & popping out babies, one right after the other. My mom is never going to care about me, or help me, or anything, because I'm not the person she wants me to be. & even then when I was still active she didn't give a shit because I wasn't as good as her perfect son. The son who beat me up, mentally abused his TBM ex-wife (who he still says left him for no reason, which is a lie he still perpetuates) , neglected & abused his older kids, became a Jackmo with a live in girlfriend (they're married now, but still), & had 2 more kids he doesn't take care of. & my mom is still at his beck & call, thinking he never does anything wrong, blaming his TBM ex-wife for their divorce.

This favoritism is pathetic & sick.

:bleach: Makes me sick. I was hoping that they would be excommunicated if they returned to activity, but I realize now that something like that isn't going to happen.

Living well is the best revenge, I.F. Take care of yourself and don't even allow people like this to be a blip on your radar screen.

For starters, she doesn't deserve the power, and she is wrong.

Just accept that she is the annoying background noise of life, and tune her out. Sounds like she and her jerk son deserve each other. Let them have each other. It will serve both of them right.

Just live.

Walk away from the jerks. Stop trying to get love and acceptance from places you know it does not exist. She's a tiger; you stick your hand in the cage, and you will get bitten.

You're right, you're not good enough and you never will be, because people you love have unrealistic expectations of you. Stop trying to live up to their expectations and be the best you can be. Someone out there likes you more than you know, and someone out there will love you more than you can imagine. Just be yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I found my life in my career and while I'm not getting everything I want I'm getting enough of what I need for me to appreciate it because I fought for it, otherwise I would have none of it.

Please also call somebody and talk about this as you can't work it out in your own mind by yourself which is just a hall of mirrors and an echo chamber. Someone from the outside looking in can help you with the abuse and pain you were caused to cause you to feel the way you do about yourself now. The people on the inside can't help you.

I was just angry because I hate her & feel guilty for hating her. I have to live with her, & I help her a lot, but she doesn't seem to give a damn. I just needed to vent.

When I'm finally able to move, I will have as little contact with her as possible.