Posted by:
Joy
(
)
Date: July 11, 2013 08:19PM
I started to tell you my long, involved story about my brother, who seems to have the same personality as your sister. Yes, he was a psychopath (a form of narcissism.) Your sister's whining, complaining, evoking sympathy from others, and manipulating your mother made me want to warn you.
I will skip to the bottom line. My psychopath brother ended up stealing almost all of my parents' two estates, and he did this before they died, by becoming their Trustee and the Executor of their will. He was a TBM Mormon Royalty Golden Boy. My parents lived to be very old, and when they became weaker and more vulnerable, my brother and his family swooped in like vultures, leaving with car-fulls of plunder from the house. They even took my father's favorite paining off the wall, near his bed, while he lay dying! (The painting was supposed to go to me) He and his wife said, "You don't mind if we borrow this for our new house, do you?" We're just borrowing it." Likewise, my brother, his wife, and his children went through all my mother's jewelry (including a 35,000 diamond from Ireland), and her other valuables, as well. I and lived 500 miles away, on the coast.
My brother got Power of Attorney, also, and could write checks as he wished, with no one to govern him. He and put all my parents' finances onto his computer. My parents were not computer savvy. Anyway, my other siblings and I ended up with almost nothing, and my brother became a millionaire. He was already in huge debt, his wife was a shop-aholic, and his children had been dependent on my parents, so the money did not last them very long. They liked to travel to Europe, go on cruises, eat steak and lobster, etc. The children still do. My parents put #1 son through BYU, and he lied to them, saying he graduated. Later we found out that for those years, he never took classes, but used my parents tuition, housing, and food money to loaf around Provo, go on expensive road trips and dates, and show off. Oh, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He embezzled money from the family business. A wealthy old cousin became ill, and my siblings and I had been raised with more as brothers and sisters, than cousins. I'll skip the details, but he did the same thing to our cousin as his father had done to our parents. Being unemployed, and having time on his hands, he moved into the elderly cousin's house, when our cousin was put into a Hospice. Two weeks before our cousin died, #1 Son nephew (one of 30 second-cousins to our cousin) had our cousin write a new Will, leaving everything to himself, and a few thousand to my siblings and me. We sued him, but we only retrieved half of it back.
There are warnings, concerning your sister. She has a sense of entitlement, and could steal from your mother, and you, having no guilt at all.
You will be pushed into the role of your mother's protector, and you must rise to the occasion. If you have siblings, they must help her, too. An old person on a fixed income has desperate need of money, and care. Please, please, make sure her Will is airtight, and her trust, if she has one. Hire a good attorney--I believe attorneys are as necessary as doctors--and make sure the executor is a person, or professional institution you can trust.
Narcissist, psychopaths, and sociopaths run in families. Experts seem to believe it is genetic, but in my experience, it is learned. You need to keep an eye on your sister's children.
Beware of the chronically unemployed. My parents put my brother through an Ivy League university, but he didn't like the jobs he was in and out of, so they paid for his MBA at an expensive private university. He failed one job interview after another, and it was always the fault of the interviewer, or racism (if a dark-skinned person was hired instead) or nervousness, or the job was beneath him, etc. My parents bought my brother a house, and bailed them out of credit card dept, paid off three mortgages, and when my brother lost the house, my parents bought him a new house out in the dust-bowl. My parents completely supported my brother's children, from birth, through braces on their teeth, surgeries, BYU educations (none of them graduated.) Be prepared to assume support of your sister's children!
You will be protecting your sister's children, too, from their mother, and perhaps from each other. My brother's #1 Son does not spend money on his children or their education. He does not help his sisters and their litters of children. He and his wife are using my cousin's money to travel around the world, stay at expensive hotels, eat like gluttons. Unfortunately, when the money runs out, my siblings and I will probably not help that family. We are that angry.
Sorry for the rant, but after the years and generations of having this group of narcissists steal from us, our love has gone cold. We always tried to help these unfortunate family members through their failures and sorrows, because we were manipulated by them, too. Notice how much time and attention and planning and family discussions are centered on that one person--your sister. With this last fraud with our dear cousin, the sorrow of his unexpected illness and death, coming on the heels embezzlement from a family business--our feelings are cold as ice toward #1 Son. Putting him out of my life completely has been my only cure. We have our own children and grandchildren to consider, who need our attention and our money. Moreover, my siblings and I don't want our children to watch someone get away with stealing and lying and cheating. That is why we have sued, even though we didn't expect to win any money. It was for the principle. My children always disliked #1 Son, because he always told lies, and has a very obnoxious, fast-talking, overbearing presence. I'm glad, now, that I didn't push my children into a relationship with someone they instinctively disliked. It was the same for the Mormon church. Actually, my children were the ones who led me out of TSCC.
Good luck. You will know what to do, when you put yourself, your children and husband, and your mother--first. I hope you can avoid some of hurt, but I think you will be hurt more in the long run, unless you act now. (((hugs)))