hi! i have a good friend who is currently in a difficult place in life and is currently being badly manipulated by his Mormon church, i'm trying to figure out what would be beneficial to say to him to encourage him to rethink his faith. (right, easier said than done!) I was just wondering if any of you who have left have any tips of what WAS helpful to you, to hear from a friend, and what wasn't? He's expressed to me that he 1. feels an obligation to God within this church and 2. thinks that he can accomplish much in good works through this church... thanks,
A concerned friend.

I consider religious beliefs to be personal and on the whole, none of my business.

I don't get involved unless asked, or I observe something of a criminal nature going on then I call the proper authorities.

So, my view? Leave it alone unless asked then be very careful about what you say. It's easy to trample on people's faith that can destroy a relationship.

Let him know that you are there to support him, no matter what. Offer your perspective, but don't try to force anything on him.

A direct approach is likely to backfire. Just be there for your friend, support him and listen, listen, listen.

How do you know your friend WANTS to escape --some people ae comfy in their ward and their circle of friends . Offer you friend an escape route ans see what happens !!!

JB

The escape may be something YOU want for him, but its unlikely to happen unless/until he wants it. Wait for that day, THEN feed him a question like those in the "letter to CES director". But don't be surprised if he chooses a church he thinks makes his life better.

Well, i'm trying to avoid getting into specifics, its complicated... but its gotten to a point that's WAY crossed lines. he's being forced essentially to give up his career, forbidden internet access, in fact i'm not allowed to talk to him at all, so short of a kidnapping, which i'm wholly ill-equipped to pull off, there really IS nothing i can do... I can encourage others who still have some, albeit minimal access to him...

Overall, i know you are all right- I can't make that choice for him, which is so devastating, watching him slowly die inside. He was before all the crap went down, and he had his business, which was so important to him... i'm just sort of making a plan in case i DO get access to him somehow or can encourage a friend who does.

If it wasn't such a nasty, harmful thing to belong to, I might agree with "leave it alone"...

But I don't!

You should find out which of several big areas your friend has an issue with. The ones I call out are the racism in the scriptures, the sexism in the doctrine and culture, and the anti-gay propaganda everywhere.

If you can find one issue your friend doesn't agree with, you can begin talking about it by having a conversation where you manage to discuss one of these social injustices and then say something like, "but I thought your scriptures have a curse from god punishing bad people with a skin of darkness, does that mean dark skinned people are bad to your religion?" or "but I thought women in your church are disempowered by being denied equal positions of responsibility?" or "but I thought your church has a proclamation that strictly defines straight relationships as the only acceptable ones?"

Even if you don't manage to deconvert your friend right away or ever, you will be one more voice speaking out against these injustices.

Mormons need to know how unacceptable these positions are. The more people share this with them the sooner they will have to join rational society in treating everyone equally.

I wish you luck getting your friend out. Many of us here give a lot of credit to their friends who spoke up over the years, pointing out what is obvious to outsiders but hard to see when it has been your life and culture for so many years.

Just saw your update, I kept getting interrupted writing my post above.

See this is NOT a benign organization. This is definitely cult level of control. If he's 18 he has options, you can help him get away. But there really isn't a lot to do if he's under 18, he is property of his parents. In certain circumstances he could get emancipated, but often youth don't have the kinds of resources necessary to fight parents determined to keep control.

Make sure he somehow gets the message that you are there for him. It really helps to know someone is on your side. With this kind of "oppression", he is much likely to be willing to think about getting out eventually.

A lovely teaser question I've seen people suggest to ask is, "Would you want to know the truth if your church isn't true?"