Now that the Zimmerman trial is over, we need our next big scandal. Thankfully the National Felons League has blessed us with the Hernandez affair. However, this trial, though filled with lots of dirt and gossip is missing the element of controversy that we all know and love. Therefore, I am going to create controversy out of thin air.

It is all the fault of football, and the culture surrounding it. There. Go ahead and discuss.

Knowing absolutely nothing about football, I'll give it a try:

The major football leagues encourage the despicable and annoying use of blue cotton-candy bubblegum.

In fact, they even "push" it upon their players in large quantities.

Therefore, since the league was aware that Hernandez couldn't walk, chew gum, and murder at the same time, it's the league's fault, and they should be held responsible.

And I respectfully disagree with you when you say that "the element of controversy that we all know and love" is missing from this case.

Yep it is all football!!!

Look at Oregon! They have a "civil war" every year when the Beavers and the Ducks square off playing football!

And all the evil money spent on tailgate parties with everyone having fun!


It's awful all those clothes! Football team colors! The t-shirts, the hoodies, the colored foam fingers! The hats with lobsters on them! The people who don't wear clothes, but have them selves painted the team colors!!!!

(We could write like Dr. Suess here in a minute!)

All the yelling from the stands.. deafening!

The traffic jams caused by the stadiums emptying!


Or the $$$$ spent on tickets! Legal or scalped!


Such decadence!

Or the men who fall asleep during the third inning but insist no one can watch anything else on the TV that day...


Or the family beers and cheers around the TV on Thanksgiving and New Years arguing and yelling about the football games!

Oh the football orphans! Oh the football widows!!!

Alas Alas it is footballs fault!!! ;D!


Oops I think I got sidetracked off the intended topic...all I saw was FOOTBALL!