Hello! I am new to the forum so I am hoping I posted this in the correct spot. I have a question for those with kids and even those without that have any insight on the matter.

I left the church 10 years ago and never regretted the day I did. I live in Utah county and have 2 children, 8 and 4 years old. I am worried about my oldest in school seeing that the MAJOR population of her peers are, brainwashed Mormons. I want her to have some good, solid friends but it seems difficult since her friends are "taught" to not associate with non-members. I feel strongly about her having good morales but unless you're Mormon around here the other kids can't play at your house. It just seems to be such polar opposites in this area it's making me strongly consider moving out of this state!

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Move. You'll be glad you did, and your children will--eventually--thank you.

Even in Utah County, only about 1/2 to 1/3 the population is active LDS. I have no kids, but I live in Utah County. Many of my ex-mo coworkers live here as well and have no issues with it.

I'd recommend you avoid prejudicing your kids one way or another. A good place to start would be to not call their peers 'brainwashed Mormons' -- bigotry is usually taught at home.

Let your child find her own friends. If they're Mormon, let it be. If they're not, then that's good as well.

None of my ex-Mo friends with kids have any gripes about their kids ability to find non-member friends.

There are parts of Utah county where the percentage of Mormons and among them active Mormons is higher than you state. Having said that, a higher percentage of the people with little kids would be Mormon and active Mormon so it may well seem like your kids have a small selection of "other kids" to play with. I grew up in Utard and my Dad was not a Mormon, in fact he smoked and drank, so as kids we were persona non grata. No one could play at our house because we were evil (this was many moons ago, and lots more people smoked back then, fyi). Yea, if you can move you should. I wish I could. I may get my wish soon. My job is in defense contracting and with tea baggers preventing repeal of the Budget Reconcilliation Act of 2011 (the "sequestration" bill, which the HOUSE approved, and the senate and the president...fyi), I will likely be 53, and unemployed at the end of the year. But I digress...

Alpiner Wrote:
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> I'd recommend you avoid prejudicing your kids one
> way or another. A good place to start would be to
> not call their peers 'brainwashed Mormons' --
> bigotry is usually taught at home.
>
Alpiner- Thank you for the reminder, I don't actually say those bigotry statements to my children. I guess I am still working out my own anger/resentment from the 20 years I was raised in it, just venting in the forum.

Everyone else, thank you as well for the advice it is nice to have a place where people understand the 'culture' here and give me different perspectives.

Some places in Utah are less than half Mormon. In Rose Park, a Catholic parent could get away with not letting their kids play with non Catholics.

MOVE ASAP!!!! I grew up as a Mormon in Utah County and it was traumatic. It ultimately is one of the reasons I ended up leaving the church. In my experience (18 years), especially for non-members, kids will be exclusive and cruel. I was ALWAYS taught not to have friends that weren't Mormon, unless they were investigating the church. I moved away as soon as I turned 18. I started dating a non-member when I was 22 (which is now my beloved husband of 5 years!) and most of my friends and family (which were all in Utah) treated me horribly for it. If you are able to move, I would say to do it!! Good luck! Welcome to the board!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/05/2013 09:08AM by lexaprosavedme.

It isn't. Kids need to grow up in a more diverse real world setting so they can adjust and get along well in life.

Their neighbors and many school mates will be after them to become Mormon and they might cave in to this peer pressure. Or they might be treated as unworthy outcasts which is also not a healthy situation.

Children deserve better than this. Either move or put them in a good private school and also into nonmo clubs and activities.

Maybe it's a good thing that none of the Mormon kids can play with your kids.

I know of way too many instances where non-Mormon kids were befriended by Mormon kids, and they got sucked into the church later on and even married one of them. And you would end up standing outside the temple on their wedding day, and not being allowed to see your own Mormon grandchildren because you are an apostate.

This is good, cautionary advice. I live in AZ and have 2 children. My son's best friend is LDS, is currently on his mission, and there were NEVER any problems. My daughter, 3 years younger, hanging out with the sisters of my son's friends, had to be physically removed from a home where she was being held against my will after a super-secret campaign to convert her had been (at that time) successful. I was completely in the dark - all my "friends" - the parents of these girls - were in on the "secret" and somehow managed to keep me out of the loop until she had "converted".

She is back home and back to normal - but it is still a sensitive subject and I watch her like a hawk - I think she is still vulnerable.

If your children do make mormom friends, always, ALWAYS say NO to "innocent" primary talent shows, art projects, you name it. ANYTHING that is being sponsored or hosted by the church AT ALL. It is never innocent.

Don't be as stupid as I was.

It hasn't always been easy, and there have been times when I wish we would have moved. But there will be problems where ever you live. Here, it's psychological manipulation and judgement. Somewhere else it might be crime or gangs.

My older kids do have issues with Mormons, because of multiple impositions. I'm sorry about that. But they are growing emotionally strong, with a solid sense of boundaries. I was amazed as one of them explained to me how she dealt with someone at work who was trying to manipulate her. Rather than trying to justify her own stance about something, she just told the other worker that she was done talking about it.

What I will say, is that where you live, and the culture in your neighborhood and your schools is very important. And it may change over the years. If there is a hostile environment, then change schools or something. If your kids don't have friends in the neighborhood, they can make friends at school.

It also sounds like Imaworking on it has kids with personalities who could adjust and thrive in that situation.

I don't think my children could have handled it that well.

Do like the sheppard did when it started to snow.
He got the flock out of there.

I married a Catholic and we raised our 2 kids outside of organized religion. There was always a moral/Christian component to their upbringing and we trusted them to chose for themselves. They chose well.

Ron Burr

I think this is an idea - see if you can put your kids into private or non Mormon schools (charter?)) if there is such a thing in Utah County - or even online learning but ensure they have loads of solid non Mormon activities to do.

Such as skiing and skating on Sundays (joining a ski team or going as a family every Sunday) and in summer, maybe it's hiking far away where there are fewer Mormons - such as the great national parks in Utah. Maybe someone else can think of good alternative summer hobbies - mountain biking would be one?

Take your kids to do all their shopping on Sundays so that they get used to it and won't be tempted if Mormons ask them to go to church on Sunday, as they will already have great family activities planned and organized.

If you can afford to do these things, I'd give it around 6 months to a year and see if all of you are happy and if they've managed to make good, solid Non Mormon friendships. If not, then I'd move. Which takes time to do - so start looking now for possible places to move and jobs etc., so that if after a year's time you are still feeling concerned and things aren't going in the right direction, then you will already have looked into some options for moving!

If you know when the local ward primary or other activities are, you can arrange for music or other sports lessons for your kids - so that they won't be bored and wondering if they shouldn't also join the Mormons...

Organizations like 4H and girl scouts sometimes have larger numbers of non Mormon kids, because the Mormon kids are too busy with church. Your kids might be able to make some good friends there and you could make friends with other parents as well.

Go see who's hanging out at the skate park or the water park on a Sunday.

Do what you need to protect your kids, after a nightmare 2yrs of bullying I finally started homeschooling my son. It will take awhile to get him back to normal, but he has a good heart and we have made sure that he knows that the people who are LDS are good people. As for friends, the boys are each others best friends. It will be okay you just need watch them like a hawk, and remind them that they are fine with being who they are.

I think it is so sad that there even has to be posts like this one. How can Mormons think they are so righteous and Christ-like when nonmormons kids get treated badly by so many Mormon kids.

I have two kids as well. We do not live in Utah County, Thank God. We live in SL County.(which can also be bad in certain areas.) My daughter is 11 and has had a few preachy kids over the years but not a lot of issues. My daughter has Mormon and nonmormon friends. No one has ever said that they can't play with us because we're not Mormon.

We feel so lucky that our next door neighbors are also non mormon and our kids play together a lot. So my daughters best friend is not Mormon. Our neighborhood is fairly mixed, and we enjoy it.

My daughter also has a youth group at our Non Denom Christian church where she has friends.

My son is starting kindergarten so hopefully things will go ok with him.

There is a program called MOPs. Mothers Of Preschoolers. These group are held in different communities. I know of at least 3 protestant churches, a catholic church, and a non denom church that let MOPs use their church. They are accepting of everyone. Almost all of the moms are nonmormons. The kids play together, while moms socialize. Finding a circle of nonmormon friends will help so much.

Unfortunately I think Utah county will always be a problem for your family. If you could move to SL County then it's better. Moving out of Utah would be even better!