I'm pretty sure that our TBM family members have learned that we resigned and are now avoiding us even more. DH thinks that his parents actually had a family meeting and informed all of his siblings that we have officially resigned from the church. Family is avoiding us even more, we haven't heard from anyone in months & every attempt we have made to see them has been turned down. I just don't understand why resigning would make such a change. What could they possibly be thinking or have said in the "family meeting" about our resignation?

Because apostasy is contagious

Yep. Sorry AnonThisTime but you now have apostate-cooties. Aposticooties.

Yes. Contagious. This is it. Especially the children will be warned never to go anywhere near you without a surgical mask in place.

I would invite them to a barbecue and tell them they are welcome to wear a testimony glove on each hand, a baker's hat on their heads after dousing their hair with consecrated oil, and green fig leaf apron as protection. In exchange you will agree to wear oven mitts over your horns and keep your tail tucked inside your pants at all times.

It is not fun.

You exist in outer darkness now. Beyond redemption. The spirit is gone. You are in the full grasp of Satan. His minions swirl around and protect you from the light of Mormonism.

Behold the true fruits of Mormonism.

I am SO sorry Anonthistime, it isn't fair is it? You love your family just the same, but because you have decided to leave tscc you are now being treated as non-persons.

It is a terrible thing to go through, but unfortunately VERY common.

Take care of yourself, and remember, your own integrity is what is important, without it, you have nothing.

I am thinking of you!!

Now there is no hope for them, of you changing you mind. It's like you've made a bold statement, YOU ARE OUT. When you are still technically a member, even if you don't go, there is still hope for your family and the ward you live in.

This ignoring family over church is something I really have a hard time understanding. You are just going to have to call them on their bull and let them tell you exactly why they won't reciprocate you trying to get together. Let them lie or say whatever, but all you have to go on, and should go on, is what they tell you. I'd want to hear it from their mouths though. That behavior definitely won't bring you back into the fold! Good luck. It will be interesting to see what their excuse actually is. :)

I just resigned in December and TRIED to tell my parents. They didn't want to know, but I'm sure they will find out by next December during their tithing settlement...sigh

I think they would honestly think of you as being dangerous now. You'd no longer have the Holy Ghost as your companion. You'd be surrounded by darkness. You might even have this strange power to affect their own testimonies.

My long-time friend who dropped me like a hot potato immediately assumed that I must now think that she's really stupid to believe in the Church.

Of course I never said anything like that to her, but she was all like, "Yeah, I'll bet you think I'm really stupid now! Oh, yeah, I must be a real idiot." She was quite hostile about these imaginary feelings she'd assigned to me.

There's something inside of them which makes them fear that they could be wrong and they can't bear to look that idea in the face. You're just too scary to them now.

They'd never admit that. They just look down at you. But it's definitely a defense mechanism.

Definitely!

My sister had the same reaction. She said she didn't want to be treated like she was stupid for still believing. She didn't want to be treated like she was just trying to hold on to things from her childhood.

I guess if you want to really rile them up, you respond by saying that Jeff Holland is no dodo, either. ;)

"My sister had the same reaction. She said she didn't want to be treated like she was stupid for still believing."

This is very interesting. I think it's called cog-diss...where people disassociate from what their REAL feelings are telling them.

Your sister seems to KNOW (or feel-which is a manifestiation of either the HG or the devil) that mormonism is a crock and feels stupid/embarassed when one of the bleating sheep figure it out and go their own way.

I bet MANY mormons feel this way when a close freind/family member, figure it out and leave.

Even in the casual, non-confrontational conversations I have about my non-belief, the other person will frequently say something about how dumb or stupid I must think they are for believing.

I actually try not to go there (in those conversations), but the fact they harbor the thought is very telling.

You took away their hope. It's a more final action to them. By resigning you are basically giving the religion the bird. They hate to be rejected. And part of them feels like if you reject their religion, you reject them.

The big reason: Rejection. It's like the old saying: don't like my dog, don't like me.
Don't like my religion, don't like me.
This religion is quite often a very closed society. Yes. Probably the patriarch of the family set down some rules.

I think a big part of it for parents is they can no longer control their kids through their religion.

They lose all the ability to check on your progress by asking you things like what the topic of church was today, or when is your child getting baptized. Also, they can no longer use religion to shame you back into line.

A big one is they no longer have anything to talk to you about except the weather. Their every move and thought is about their religion. If you don't belong to that they have nothing to say. They aren't interested in what you might be doing other than church.

Because of those things, your relationship will never be the same. You see, it never was about you. It was always about the church. Take that away and you become a complete stranger that knows more about them than they know about you. They don't have a clue how to bond to you without the church in the middle.

That's what happens when people love the church more than themselves, or their own family. They think you're the lost soul, when really its them. They've been lost to a religion that has removed their ability to bond like a normal human. That removes them from almost everything and everyone else.

I had a chilling conversation with a very close TBM friend on this subject recently: me basically saying I found it so difficult, as a parent, to understand how family members could let differences in religious opinion get in the way of the family relationship. The response was immediate and definite: "no question. If it's a choice between family or your ability to live the gospel, if they do anything to stop you living the gospel or show the potential to do so, you choose the gospel every time". That's from one of the kindest people on the planet, and a convert (as am I).

That's it, right there.

anontoday Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I had a chilling conversation with a very close
> TBM friend on this subject recently: me basically
> saying I found it so difficult, as a parent, to
> understand how family members could let
> differences in religious opinion get in the way of
> the family relationship. The response was
> immediate and definite: "no question. If it's a
> choice between family or your ability to live the
> gospel, if they do anything to stop you living the
> gospel or show the potential to do so, you choose
> the gospel every time". That's from one of the
> kindest people on the planet, and a convert (as am
> I).

THAT REALLY IS CHILLING! To think that a relidgion that claims love etc. That tells everyone what to do w/their time,talents & energy. Also has absolute controll over who you love & who your friends are. Can anyone spell CULT?

kindest people on the planet?

Reminds me of the line from Hamlet: Kin but not kind.

I AGREE W/EVERY ONE HERE. Its contagious and its final. Up until then, They thought they could bring you back. And Im sure in the back of their minds. If thay see you happy, that God hasnt smited you. It opens up the door to wonder. I think deep down everyone has doubts,otherwise they wouldnt be so afraid to question. If their religion was solid,It would stand questioning. But it cant.

TBMs hope that punishment will teach apostates a lesson and they'll miss TBM love and interaction and be forced to return to church to regain it.

Yup, there us definitely a part of them that thinks you should come begging to get back in their good graces.
Don't take abuse.
It's always horribly shocking to learn who values a social club over their own children, but it certainly shows who you can really count on. :(

Since you won't be with them in eternity why should they bother with you now? They are on the path to being God's and you will just slow them down or, worse,derail them.

..and they know it.

Oh they get up and pontificate every first Sunday of the month about how they KNOW this and that but every single damn one of them (I know because I used to be one) deep down has a gut feeling that its all bull5hit.

By resigning from the church you force them to confront that little gut feeling they try so hard to ignore. So by ignoring you they don't have to confront it.

Egads, not "the family meeting"!!! Don't they know people can tell when they have been the topic of discussion? Gotta love it when suddenly everyone in the family changes their behavior and start treating you the exact same way? Like a flock of birds suddenly changing direction...CREEPY!

You are never too old for a "time out". I hope they come to their senses. Sometimes time helps, but otherwise, that isn't really a family.

Been there.

DH and I have a Mo friend who, after we left, made a comment about us rejecting mormons...just on the basis of us leaving...nothing else.

It's a ridiculous assertation, that those who leave are rejecting their friends and family, but nevertheless one that seemingly plenty of mormons believe.
It's obviously an opinion based on ignorance. If you take the time to let people know you aren't rejecting them as family, friends, etc. then it might smooth things over a bit.

After some time has passed they will see bad things aren't happening to you just for leaving, or that you aren't angels of darkness.

They've been taught to believe in the boogie man, and a myriad of other ridiculous nonsense. Give 'em time to adjust. In the meantime make plans to live a wonderful life and enjoy the things you couldn't while in the cultish LDS church.

Because that's what people brainwashed into a cult do; shun those who leave it. In his interview with the British reporter, Holland claimed the church doesn't "shun" former members, but we know that was a blatant lie.