I remember for most of my mission it was a race to get the deed done in an amount of time that would not appear suspicious to my companions. I also remember that soap and shampoo make horrible lubricate, so I often had abrasions on my penis, where things had gotten a little too rough. I'm sorry if that is a little too much detail, but it was a big part of the misery of serving a Mormon mission. I didn't dare purchase Vaseline, or keep it some place convenient for fear of what the other missionaries would think.

Later on during my mission, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids, and it was a major relief. I no longer had to worry about riding a bike, and best of all, I had an excuse to bath for thirty minutes at a time, every night. I would actually take my scriptures in with me, and claim that I was studying them while bathing, but I was really yanking it, while the books sat off somewhere away from the tub, where they wouldn't risk getting wet. I still remember a lot of Elders were pissed off about this, and felt I should ignore the doctors orders, and tough out the pain of my hemorrhoids with just preparation H alone, but that would have been unbearable. Medicines and special wipes help, but soaking was the best way for me to deal with the problem. Masturbation was just an added bonus.

So who else will admit to doing this totally normal sin on their mission?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 02:10AM by forbiddencokedrinker.

Not once.
Now, whenever I want

Same here. Not once. Made life a living hell. And there are much better lubricants than Vaseline...

About two weeks before going home, I had a companion tell me that he fornicated the night before. This guy was kind of slow so I asked a few questions about the event. Turns out he thought masturbation was solo-fornication.

Another point I should bring up, I masturbated more on my mission, then I have ever had at any other point in my life. The only explanation I can give for this, is since the church was so adamant that we avoid all media, there wasn't a hell of a lot you could do to relax and unwind, other then take really long showers and masturbate. It was more for something to do, that was non-church, then as a sexual release.

Yep. Sometimes I could hold out for a month but usually not that long. Thought for sure I was going to finish life with hairy palms, crossed eyes, or have it fall off because I was a sinner.

Funny part of it was the habit I developed of immediate repentance later on in my mission. It was almost like I would let myself think "Ok just this one last time...and then never again!" Of course thought is repenting before even sinning. hahaha so farking funny.

I didn't choke it once during the mission. I was that kind of blind faith idiot. However, I was the kind of anti-cult personality that didn't turn in any comps to the MP for CTC, I felt it was their duty to do that.

Masturbation?

I wrote a quote / statement that I liked on 3"X 5" card, and had it prominently displayed in the personal domain of my crappy little missionary apartment, which is a fancy way of saying that I had it taped or pinned to the wall someplace in our dumpy missionary apartment. Since it was prominently displayed in my domestic habitat, because I wanted to see it everyday for my own benefit as some desperate little form of attempted self encouragement in the depths of bleakness of my Missionary experience,it was hardly a secret.

It actually talked about the exercise of control used in shooting guns as metaphor for trying to hit a target /accomplish an objective. (Contrary to unfounded popular notion, marksmanship is much more difficult to achieve than what is displayed in the movies)

Please pardon my use of expletives if I slip into that mode, because its the only way I can even begin to capture/ convey the utter frustration, aggravation, utter bleakness of certain moments while serving a mission.

SO the zone leaders come over to our place, AS IF we wanted to see them, but you know the mission leaders have to do something to avoid the drudgery of doing actual missionary work like contacting the public, which means harassing the missionaries that they are supposed to be in charge of instead, so they had to come harass us.

So the ZL tromps around the apartment, like it is his right and duty to do so . He reads this quote on this card in my apartment, and I end up getting interrogated over it for the next 20 minutes. I cant figure out what the Hell is going on, but I am really getting a brow beating over it. The zone leader wants to know what the quote is really supposed to mean, because its not an actual scripture, and its not attributable to a MORmON authority - like the CRAP that GA's say in conference talks.

After about 10 minutes of vigorous interrogation on the matter, where I can only concede the obvious, just as its plainly displayed in the quote, which is not satisfactory explanation for this supervisory PRICK, he finally discloses in some round about way to me that he thinks the quote has something to do with my trying to control my masturbating.

Most of all, this is a topic and a conversation that I do not want to have with this incredibly intrusive person, because there is no way anything good is going to come out of it for me, and IT IS NONE OF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS REGARDLESS!!!
At this point, I am not going to further acknowledge or entertain any more of his intrusive inquiry, which only makes this guy try to dig even harder.


I can't even begin to really state how insulting, uncomfortable and degrading this line of questioning really was. Most of all I am ticked off at myself for allowing myself to be stuck in circumstances where I could not throw this POS out of my apartment. It's just one more example of how a person is completely bereft of any personal privacy / sanctity on a mission/ in situations where the (FUCKING) MORmON church is involved/ concerned. It was just one more incident that was a message to me, that I really should have packed my bags, left *my* mission, and said: you guys will just have to find some one else to CRAP on for your ego trips/ amusement!

..... And the reason that I did not? because there was an even bigger MORmON enforcement agent prick back at home in the form of my male parent, but that's another story.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 03:58AM by lucky.

Please, tell us the marksmanship quote! I'd like to analyze it and imagine how the zone leader got his panties all in a knot over it.

ever run into that dude again after your mission Lucky?

I am guessing the conversation might be a bit different. Perhaps way different, without the need for good social decorum.

Mormonism is NOT a cult.

Really, it's not.

Honest.

Every day even got desperate and used a tomato paste as lube. Caught my comp jerking madly twice

Got a blow job from the branch presidents daughter in one of my areas.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 08:15AM by mrremlap.

Nice

Perfect!!!

Ron Burr

BAM!!! BJ from MP's family is a homerun.

Okay, guys, I understand the beautiful irony of this; but this is misogyny, plan and simple. You are allowed to have normal sexual feelings that are abnormally suppressed by a cult. Her normal sexual desires, though, are objects of your "stickin' it to the man (or woman, as the case may be)." Her family relationship is a bonus to how you got one over.

She's a human being. She's not a chattel of her dad that you stole and defiled in order to flip him off. Please. You're not the only victim. She's not going to get any crowing out this story: "I sucked off a missionary once." I hope she can write, "As the MP's daughter, I could get any missionary to go down on me! LOL!" But, probably not.

It is still an awesome story...

You have made pretty big assumption that the act was not mutual or consensual. There is nothing in the post to indicate that any one had any agenda, or manipulated the situation. It is most likely two horny people having a bit of fun. There is nothing in the post to indicate that it was done to flip someone off or demean anyone.

I'm as anti-mysogynistic as they come, but if you are going to throw out that accusation, you need more information. The one bit of information there was that it was the Branch President's daughter, not the MP as in your post.

Why assume anyone was being used?

+100000

Furthermore, this person could make a much stronger argument for their cause if they did not apply their personal assumptions of the incident.

Branch President, my mistake. I'm not assuming anyone was being used. And I'm not assuming non-consensual. The Whoo-hoo aspect of this is not only the sex, it's the status of the woman as the daughter of a male authority figure (responsible for the set-up in the first place), and also the who-did-what-to-whom posture of the act. That's what makes it especially, "nice" and "special" and "a homerun." It's Chaucer's Reeves Tale all over again. It's using a woman to make a fool out of a man's authority; here, the BP's. I get the story. Do you get why the story's misogynistic?

I guess you have concluded to interpret it in that light.

Bill Mahar has stated that a blow job is the new handshake- which could make things interesting in the temple-

What if we looked at it from the standpoint that it was a sister mishie and the branch presidents son? What if she were the one bringing it up in a thread as this was done?

You are making too many assumptions with too little information presented.

Personally, I think it was a couple of young people with overbearing sexual restrictions having a little fun with really no harm done.

Lol! Now that's "special."

SURPRISE! Another thread on this forum about pulling your pud.

SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!

You must like it since you clicked on it :)

I made it two weeks into boot camp in Provo.

After that, game on.

Hell yeah.

Sometimes I'd try to go awhile without doing it but the longest was maybe 2 weeks. After a while I just said screw it and was pretty much on demand when possible.

And my MP never asked me about it.

For the first few months very rarely. After about 8 mpnths or so very regularly

I never m'd on my mission. When I returned I had lots of "wet dreams", but I was dating by then. I felt horribly guilty about those experiences. There really is a problem with the church and members and guilt when it comes to masterbation. Really. A healthier attitude would help so many people. The church really could offer some common sense and realistic advise on this to cult members and the result would be less mental anguish over a trivial thing. But I don't see it cumming anytime soon.... :)

Of course I did. And of course I was made to feel guilty. MP asked about it, and I didn't lie to him. I had to write several personal letters to him later when I did it again. I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop. Ever.

Masturbation, guilt, confession, repentance. Masturbation, guilt, confession, repentance. Masturbation, guilt, confession, repentance. That's how you become a veteran confessor like I did.

Never did it in the MTC (three weeks -- Wow!), but starting in my first area and ending in my last. Masturbation, guilt, confession, repentance. Oh yeah, Step Five: permanent psychological damage.

Why are there no females posting? No hidden vibrators? To be frank I guess that I always assumed that sister missionaries were all lesbian. Whatever?

"That there will also be daughters of Perdition there is no doubt in the minds of the brethren."

-- Woodruff, Talmage and Cannon meeting, 1893

This church where excessive procreation seems the norm sure loves to hide sex behind a very thick curtain. Reminds me of a movie or tv mini-series I saw where this preacher is marching around with his 7 daughters in tow and admonishing folks to live chaste lives and when challenged with the fact he has produced 7 children proclaimed that in creating these children, he took no pleasure in the act. Sorry...that don't work for me, nor does the 2 faced bull$hit and guilt trips from the Cult. If the good Lard didn't want us to masturbate he wouldn't have made it feel soooo good.

Ron Burr



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 12:39PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Yes, no pleasure at all is allowed and only on fertile days!

He would buy 2-3 cantaloupes a week and after a few weeks I noticed he never ate them but they would always end up in the trash.

Then one day the Spanish speaking elders we lived with were taking out the trash when one of these cantaloupes fell out. The Spanish elder picked it up and noticed it had a hole in it and asked the elder if he meant to throw it away.

My companion jumped up so fast and looked like he saw a ghost as he ran over and grabbed it out of they guys hand. Then mentioned it was rotten, threw it away and took the trash out himself. After that he seemed to always take the trash out.

melon molestation hahahaha

American Pie with a cantaloupe. Nothing to see here,,keep moving, keep moving.

....now go fourth and harvest the elect that the lord prepareth.

I tried to not masturbate.

In one area in Peru, our room was in a local member's house. Since it was hot with no AC, I frequently slept without covers. One night I had a wet dream. The wife came into our semi-private sleeping area to announce that breakfast was ready. She looked at my crotch and said something in Spanish that wasn't part of any of the discussions. Been masturbating ever since.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 01:26PM by Leaving.