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Posted by: pale&delightsometimes ( )
Date: August 06, 2013 04:27PM
The Mormon God or The God of the DMV

Reading Steve Benson's post this morning on the history behind baptism for the dead I started thinking about all the hoops one must jump through to get to the mormon heaven. It reminded me of my last trip to the DMV.

I had my proof of residency, I had my current and active driver's license from my previous state of residence, I had my social security card, I even had my passport. However, I couldn't get my license because I was missing my marriage certificate and my names on my id's were all showing my married name but my SS card showed my maiden name. No driver's license for you they said. You must have the marriage certificate.

I'm an atheist, but I just can't imagine a god that would work like the DMV. You lived a good life, you were honest, kind, full of integrity and charity, but you weren't baptized.... to hell with you. Or, you were all those things and were baptized, but you didn't get married.... sorry, the top kingdom can't be yours.

If you're a mormon, I suggest you triple check the requirements, because it really sucks to gather up all your paperwork, fill out all the forms, wait in line and find out you missed one hoop.

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Posted by: upsidedown ( )
Date: August 06, 2013 04:41PM
Re: The Mormon God or The God of the DMV

No murder, check.
No adultery, check.
No lying, check. (except to your kids about santa and rabbit laying eggs)
No alcohol, check. (except of born during fun years of mormonism)
No smoking, check.
Baptism, check.
Service, check. (every single stupid calling)
Temple undies, check.
Temple marriage, check. (more of that fun will be added in heaven with polygamy)

Please go to the next 95 windows for more questioning as you will be required to answer to over 600 commandments.

Return for your voucher.

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Posted by: pale&delightsometimes ( )
Date: August 06, 2013 05:35PM
Re: The Mormon God or The God of the DMV

When I was 14 I double pierced one ear. I didn't know it was going to show up on the final exam later on!!!

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: August 06, 2013 08:09PM
Re: The Mormon God or The God of the DMV

I'm laughing from imagining the celestial beings running Mormon heaven being like DMV employees. Slow, disinterested, unmotivated, bored, testy civil servants. There are ten windows but only thee are staffed, and two of them are shuffling papers. Then the one that seemed to be actually doing something goes on a break. Billions of resurrected people are waiting in line, but...

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Posted by: steve benson ( )
Date: August 06, 2013 08:15PM
Link to OP's reference on Smith's invention of necro-dunking--

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,506440



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 08:17PM by steve benson.

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