Hi - I'm inactive, but have been reading numerous LDS forums, some associated with BYU. It appears that BYU is a stomping-ground to snag RMs. It's really sad that about 50% of the graduating seniors are married. I wonder what the divorce rate is in five years? Females groping for signs of RM garments, cuddling, "soaking", "Levi Lov'in", and any of tactic to get around the childish Honor Code. Jesus, this is something out of the 1950s! Sexually repressed students can't wait to get that RM temple marrage, if only to have sex. BYU is high school all over again!

Go to BYU to get married. Go to an actual university to get an education and maybe find a soul mate.

UMMMMM take it from someone who knows, NOT all rms are all they are SUPPOSED to be. I KNOW, I married one. Worst mistake I ever made!!

PS, I didn't go to BYU to find him, he found ME in the mission field!

It usually only takes about 30 days to find one.
Once they're married it only takes about 20 months to have 2 kids.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2013 10:11PM by Mia.

yah, I have visited school before. never attended there. It was the most unusual social place I have ever experienced. built upon false pretenses and un healthy expectations.

I attended BYU for a semester and I wasn't looking for any RM-type. I simply wanted to be on my own, take some classes and work part-time. I had saved for awhile and was enjoying my independent life. If I happened to meet a nice guy, that was fine. If not, that was fine, too. I wasn't itching to get married or even looking for that eternal dude. I was 22 years old, way past my prime in Happy Valley and I had a brain. That's a dangerous, undesirable thing to 'fess up to in a patriarchal society.

What a mistake. There wasn't one job interview when I didn't hear "You are too pretty/you are only here looking for a husband/you wouldn't be a good candidate because an RM will snatch you up in a heartbeat". I never dated once and I never felt more lonely. No friends in Friendly Provo. I found most folks very close-minded and clannish. Utah was not welcoming...it was a theocratic culture shock (and I was fairly Mollyesque back in those days).

I couldn't wait to get the hell outta Dodge. I have no desire to set foot in that state ever again.

Honestly, that sounds damn near illegal. Now I know you probably aren't (or weren't) interested in a legal fight, but if you were really getting turned down because you are too pretty, are just looking for a husband, or because there is a high chance you will get married (and in that culture, soon after get pregnant), I would call that for what it actually was. They were not hiring you because you were a young (Mormon) woman, and I'm willing to bet they turned down lots of other women for the same reasons. Again, lawsuits are expensive, and tons of hassle, but just saying that if someone were to bring up civil rights litigation against those employers, they would at LEAST have a decent case against them.

Jilly, can I ever relate!

I thought that RM hunting was the major of many female BYU undergrads.

Even if you started college with the intent of wanting to prepare for a career (you know, just in case you're the poor unmarried female when you graduate, i,e, the lucky ones), you kind of give up fast. For me it was all the telephone conversations from home.

Me: "Hey guess what, M&D (Mom and Dad), I got the highest score on a test in that honors biology class."

M&D: Are you dating?

Me: It's Ricks. It's a 2-year college. I'm a sophomore, there are no boys my age. But some of my roomies envy me because I have classes with more boys than girls. You know, like calculus, chemistry, statistics, etc.

M&D: Well, some of those boys are RMs, you should have first pickings.

Me: They're not impressed with girls who score higher on math tests than they do. They want stupid skinny blondes who are majoring in CDFR. Hey, they're letting us check out those hand-held calculator things from the Chem lab for tests now. Sure would be nice if Santa brought me one of my own.

M&D: Santa already has something in mind to help you in your husband search. Don't you have a slide rule. I'll give you a refresher course on it over Christmas.

Me: Forget it. I'll check out a calculator. I'll need one for Trig.

M&D: Well, if you'd find a husband you won't have to worry about taking Trig (this coming from a college physics professor).

This was typical of our weekly phone conversations. Not once did they ask me about my classes, my grades, my educational goals. They were paying good money for me to be there to find a husband. After Ricks and 2 semesters at BYU and no serious dating prospects for a geeky, chunky, socially awkward me, I returned home knowing that the geeky, chunky, sociopath who would date me in high school would be returning from his mission and that he'd be horny enough that I could probably snag him. We were engaged a week after he returned and married 3 months later.

So I believe that even most of the ones who really want an education, are keeping their eyes out for an RM. It's not spoken out loud, but we all know the main mission of BYU.

wow.. this is so depressing.

Depressing maybe--but it makes for an excellent post.

"They're not impressed with girls who score higher on math tests than they do."

Oh yeah, that brought back some cringe worthy memories. I always wanted to be a vet, if you had asked me at the age of 3 what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell you "a vet". At the age of 6 I discected a pig (it was butchering season and I walked into the barn so my uncle showed me what goes on inside a pig), my mother freaked out about that.

In grade 8 they gave us apptitude tests. I was 90th percentile in mechanics and sciences and 10th percentile in secretarial (I think they had a different term for it), so pretty clear to a rational parent where the kid should head, right?

Nope, I was enrolled in typing and home ec, because "no boy likes a smart girl". Also career options were secretary (to meet and marry a businessman) or nurse (to meet and marry a doctor).

And some girls who arnt on der mission yet are already talking about meeting RMs at BYU.pathtic..speaking of worthiness

It's true. BYU is the sacred happy hunting ground for those who are too horny to stay single. And yes, the girls are all indoctrinated to only marry an RM in the temple (which they all know will lead to a perfect life and exaltation in the CK).

My workplace is full of former BYU co-eds who are now married and supporting hubby through his degree while they talk wistfully about having babies (the ones who aren't already pregnant, that is). From what I've heard, it's a jungle there, and only the hottest gals bag the RMs and the temple marriages.

The RMs who go on foreign missions tend to like the exotic women they find there, and often go back to fetch their brides post-mission. There are also a lot of closet gays at BYU.

During lunch recently, one co-worker said that she just couldn't go on to get an advanced degree in psychology because she couldn't take that much time away from her husband and future children -- she owed it to them to be a good wife and mother. So here she is with her BS in psych, working a $10/hr, part-time job because that's what she thinks she is supposed to do. I could hear the longing in her voice as she talked about PhD programs.

Yep, those hubby-hunting BYU ladies are livin' the dream -- until they get what they're after and reality sets in.

I had a girl I was getting serious about, break up with me & tell me she was going to BYU to get her M>R>S degree.

It must have worked, 9 mo's later, another girl I knew told me she had accomplished her plan.

I suppose it just a logical and traditional thing to do if you are looking for a certain kind of mate that shares your views and religion. The other colleges/schools (Provo/SLC) will attract like minded singles also. The local pool of candidates is often rejected. BYU (and other LDS schools) have a much wider variety of students from different parts of the country and different countries. That appeals to a lot of singles.

They turn down a lot of applicants these days at BYU, I am told. Hundreds more want to go than can get in.

When we were at BYU in the early 60's we were newly married.Much, much smaller university then. Lots of newly married couples living in BYU on campus housing also.
Not much has changed. I wouldn't have expected it to.

When I married my husband, the mission presidents generally gave them the instructions to: go home find your eternal mate within six months while you are on a spiritual high... or words to that effect.
Yup. I was snagged! :-)

Really, why? You're always more than ready to fly to the defense of all things mormonic, and on a recovery board too. Whatare you trying so hard to prove?

I can't tell if this response is serious or not

Seriously, seriously screwed up thinking, as if it's some kind of out.

I'm an RM. Look how well that worked out from the Mormon perspective.

I absolutely KNEW what I was hearing in job interviews was illegal. I was shocked at the mindset of these (mostly) males that I'd be married in two weeks and leave their companies for greener, blissful pastures. Hm. I suppose when you're being offered $4.50/hr. for a clerical position, ANYTHING seems to be a better deal.

I came home, focused on my studies and got married 5 years later. Neither one of us was in a hurry and he's not Mormon.

P.S. I'm still pretty decent-looking, too.

Jilly, this is just a shot in the dark and I don't mean to be creepy, but your story sounds familiar. Were you at BYU around the end of '03, beginning of '04? Did you happen to live in a house with a "red door"? Sorry, if that's too intrusive.

slcbunk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jilly, this is just a shot in the dark and I don't
> mean to be creepy, but your story sounds familiar.
> Were you at BYU around the end of '03, beginning
> of '04? Did you happen to live in a house with a
> "red door"? Sorry, if that's too intrusive.


My story happened in the 80's. I can't recall what color my door was because I blocked out the crappy memories.

At Ricks in the fall of `66, the RM`s showed up en mass in October....and the GMG`s (good Mormon girls) were waiting....weddings by Christmas...those poor bastards didn`t know what hit èm......I wonder how many are still married to that same girl. And if you weren`t a RM...you were dog meat...

Ron Burr

Unfortunately it isn't just BYU that this happens at. One family member is in a miserable relationship because he was basically teased into a sudden marriage just so he could do the deed.

I used to watch the girl and it took everything I had to not chase her off with a stick.

I didnt go to BYU or any of its offshoots, so I was somewhat surprised when a guy that I work with asked me (accused me) of going to college only for my MRS. degree. my god! I wanted to slap him!

I'd appreciate it if somebody could define "soakin'," and "Levi lovin,"--within the bounds of good taste, of course.

I've seen people saying mormons get married young since they're desperate to have sex, but I don't really think that's the main reason (in most cases). If they're desperate to have sex, they'd just... have sex.

I think it's more than that. It's very much a "first come, first serve" culture. If the girls want the best RMs as husbands, they have to get there first, since if he gets attached to another girl first he'll be married in a year's time.

It's also expected of them. Their parents, cousins, etc. probably got married are university age as well, so it's normal to them. They don't want to still be in YSA in their late 20s.

I don't think sex is the main factor driving them to marry so fast and young. The average RMs will have been resisting their urges to have sex for a decade already by that point. I think it's more cultural and social reasons that lead to this.

I don't think sex should be completely discounted, but I do agree that a lot of it has to do with expectations, it's almost a cliche joke:

"So, when are you going on a mission?"
"Welcome home. So, when are you going to find a girl?"
"So, when are you going to get married?"
"So, when are you going to have kids?"

That is really how it is!!!