We just mailed our resignation letter today. My wife and I, and our two young children are now out of TSCC!

Here is some background. I was raised LDS. I attended seminary, served a mission, was sealed in the temple, paid tithing, and so on. On my mission, I began questioning a few aspects of the church when faced with some challenges from investigators; mostly regarding the looney doctrines taught by Brigham Young. As this was in the mid-90s, answers were not instantly/readily available so I dismissed many of these issues as anti-mormon lies.

After my mission, I began working on my degree. At this time, the internet began taking off, so I was able to read the JoD for myself -- finding out BY really was a wacko-- so this became the first issue to go on my shelf. During college, my focus was math and science-- mostly biology, chemistry, and physics-- which easily and factually disproved/destroyed the garbage taught by TSCC and other religions. More issues accumulated on my shelf. I earned a Bachelors and a Masters, along with a minor in heavy-shelf physics.

During this time, I had also gotten married to a TBM spouse from a very TBM family. For the next few years I attended church, but mostly to make her happy. However, after more and more research my shelf could hold no more weight and it came painfully crashing down, and I painfully kept it to myself. I became inactive because I could not stand 3 hrs every week of the same rehashed bullsh!t. Fortunately, I found this website which offered tremendous support.

I was a lurker for quite a while on this site. After reading several experiences, I finally created a username 2-3 months ago and began contributing. I finally decided it was best to not hold it in anymore-- but to tell my wife that I knew the church was a fraud. Fortunately, she took it very well, and I was able to assist her in her own research. She has now created her own account on this site (truly82) and has began contributing to the discussions herself!

I want to thank everyone on this site for your contributions and for answering so many of my questions during my (our) transition. Although I don't always agree with various viewpoints; I still feel a sense of unity on this site as we all share one major thing in common.

I feel like an idiot for being duped for so long, but I am looking forward to my family's journey and newly found freedom from religion.

that's great news. Congrats!

and protect their children at the same time.

Well done.

Awesome! Did you post a story about sharing the truth with your wife? If not, do you mind?

This is how I broke the news to my wife. I'm sure this won't work for everyone, but fortunately it worked for me.

One day, after we put the kids to bed, I just asked her, "What would you say if I told you I found out the Church was not true?" At first, I think she was a little shocked, but asked how I came to that conclusion. I explained scientific issues with DNA- disproving the BofM, and how the Church changed the BofM intro page recently (which I showed her on the lds website). I also explained the looney BY doctrines (blood atonement, Adam-God doctrine), which I showed her in the JoD. At first I stuck to issues which could supported using official LDS material. I then started talking about historical changes to the temple ceremonies, racism, polygamy, polyandry, cover-ups, and others.

After giving it some thought, she started to open up about the cult-like feelings she felt in the temple, her issues with relief society "cliques", paying your way to heaven, etc.

We decided together, that same day, to stop going to church. In fact, her biggest concern was the fact I went so long without telling her! It was good to see that she also had a "shelf".

Now our biggest challenge is figuring out how to break the news to our TBM extended families.

Congratulations.

I also would like to hear how you told your spouse. This is such a frightening conversation to anticipate that many hold it in for years---only to find that their spouse has been feeling the same way.

Regarding feeling like a fool. You were acting on what you believed was the full information at the time, trying to do what was right for you and your future.

It is exactly what you are doing today with the new information you have. You have always tried to do the right thing, so no need to be ashamed. Millions of us did the same thing.

The sacrifices you've made and the struggles you've had while in the church have helped forge the character you now have. You will have some challenges with habits of black-and-white thinking for some time going forward, but you have a wife by your side and you can help each other.

Very happy for you!

Anagrammy

Thank you for your support- much appreciated

I visualized Austin Powers when I read that ;)

Congrats!

Congratulations to you and your young family. Just think of all the Sundays you'll have to spend with your wife and kids.

Congratulations!

Epic news, thanks so much for sharing! WOOT!

May I suggest a book that I just picked up for recovery from indoctrination?
http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376423871&sr=1-1&keywords=leaving+the+fold
"Leaving the fold" by Marlene Winell

My wife and I are going to read it together and do the exercises in it. I will also have our therapist work with us using it.

The author gave an enlightening talk at at the ExMormon Foundation confrence in 2011
http://exmormonfoundation.org/conference2011.html
She promises to give you tools to overcome annoying "pop-up" ideas from being taught the church in your youth.

Excellent news. Congratulations to you and your family. All the best in your new life together!

" finding out BY really was a wacko-" made me laugh.

That's better than all the other fancy terms there are to discredit him, although "disgusting wacko" might be even better.


What a great story. So happy for you that you got out together.
Congratulations.

hangar18 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel like an idiot for being duped for so long,
> but I am looking forward to my family's journey
> and newly found freedom from religion.


You were NOT an "idiot" for being duped.

It is one of the smoothest cons in history. And what's important is you figured it out in time to live full and happy life of freedom. And from the sounds of it, you saved your children.

What you did was courageous. Congratulations to you and your wife.

I love you hun and appreciate you going "for me" all those times. I knew you weren't into it but I wanted the kids to grow up with a religious base. It wasn't til I started thinking about our kids wanting to be baptized when they turned 8, then possible missions, and marrying in the temple, that's when I found out how you really felt. It was great timing for our family to get out. We are lucky the kids are so young. If anything, now we are a stronger couple and stronger family!

1,000 congratulations and all the very best to you both, and your family!!

Posts like this make me smile! My little family is all out too, and though there are occasional hurdles with the extended
TBM family, life is amazing. Good luck to you and yours. I mostly lurk nowadays, but I look forward to reading updates from you both.

Well done! I was in a similar situation years ago and the wife came with me. Besides the pain that faking it caused, I decided like you that with young kids, perhaps I could save them having to do the mission, temple, tithing, etc, etc.

Our three kids are now in their twenties, and thank me regularly for keeping them out of all that, as they watch all their TBM cousins go through it.

Believe it or not, they are good kids, and I'm proud of them. And they are choosing their own paths, which I hope helps them avoid the depression found among other family members.

A little advice - keep the good parts from the church. Spend time with family like it preaches (but makes harder to do). You don't have to get drunk, get tattoos, etc to prove your unmmormonness. In fact, it has occurred to me lately that I practice as much or more of Mormonism than those that sit on their asses weekly in church. I garden (self-reliance) spend time with family, spread the principles of liberty and the Constitution and peace, help my neighbor, etc.

So if your TBMs get on you (as they will), just tell them you left the church so you can have more time to live the gospel!

I LOVE:
"So if your TBMs get on you (as they will), just tell them you left the church so you can have more time to live the gospel!"
I will have to use this for sure!

Congratulations - glad you escaped together.

Congrats and thanks for saving your children. Best wishes as you embark on a new life - one where an organization does not control your thoughts, finances and activities.

Congratulations !!!!!!

Maybe there is a Gawd afterall...

BTW: Every time I see your moniker, I think of our local micro-brewery called Hangar24.