I think many new posters might feel a little shy or nervous about posting since they often start their posts with apologies for length, wordiness, possible problems with grammar, spelling, posting on subjects already covered, or "posting in the wrong place."

I'm hoping to set your minds at ease, new posters. We at RfM are not usually critical of new posters based on the above reasons.

In the past I've made all of those mistakes. Detractors were occasionally highly critical of me but I'd have to say it's *they* who have problems.

The very biggest and most recurring criticism I've had has been being "too negative" about the mormon church. As if that's a problem. LOL!

I'm letting you newbies know that if someone is rude or overly negative toward you here and there, you'll survive. No need to feel sad or run away.

Detractors might have their own issues or might have exaggerated or misread your post. They might be way off and miss the point completely or they might just be testing their own muscle. What they say could have more to do with them than you.

I hope you feel welcome and I hope you won't be easily discouraged. Pull up an easy chair and enjoy the interaction and join in as you feel ready and willing.

Good luck.

Topping.

Adding a couple thoughts:

One of the most difficult and first lessons newbies learn is that negativity toward a religion is not the same thing as negativity toward an individual. Many people are hurt by the actions of the church or church members. Sometimes, it's a damaging teaching. Sometimes, it's abuse inflicted by another person. The reasons people are here are myriad and as different as we all are from each other. True Believing Mormons self-identify with the church. That means your identity is wrapped up around being mormon. So to hear someone criticize the church, or its doctrines or a teaching sounds an awful lot like a personal criticism. If you see yourself as an extension of a church, or the church is an extension of you, any criticism of one will feel like criticism of the other. We get that. 98% of us, however, when we post something negative, are not out to hurt and outrage believing mormons. Our goal is not to be angry bitter apostates, but that is not an instantaneous process. You don't just flip a switch and get over some festering wound. Healing takes time. Sometimes, it's ugly. Whatever negativity you perceive, chances are, it is not directed toward you personally.

IOW, learn to not take disagreement as a personal attack. Contention is not of the devil, it's just a way to learn and grow, by thinking through and debating about issues.

Cheryl, I think you're way too negative about the cult in the same way that I'm too negative about Ebola.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Detractors might have their own issues or might
> have exaggerated or misread your post. They might
> be way off and miss the point completely or they
> might just be testing their own muscle. What they
> say could have more to do with them than you.

This sounds like a confession for how you've treated me in the past.
Apology accepted.

for words I can't remember to people I can't place or have any way of knowing.

So stay angry at me if it suits your needs.

My acceptance of what i thought was your apology was sincere. I'm sorry you took it as anger. It was not intended that way.

Anger isn't an accusation. It's a legitimate emotion.

I have absolutely no idea what this is about nor can I worry about something out of thin air that makes no sense.

tend to apologize about talking about faults or abuses that they NEED to discuss in order to make sense of them and heal. They might also be especially vulnerable to criticism and afraid they will step on toes if they say the "wrong" thing. As if someone else gets to decide what they can say or how they can say it.

I guess I would say to people in those shoes: Say what you want, however you want to say it. As far as I am concerned, take as many words as you want and swears are allowed. Read up on the board rules (no preaching, and no personal attacks on other posters), and protect your own privacy.

As a sometimes poster I appreciate this thread. Thanks for the warm thoughts, insights and advice !

When some people first start lurking here they are in a weak and fragile state, and any slightly negative comment toward their post can hurt an already hurting person. I am describing me when I first started posting a few years back. Thankfully everyone was very kind, and as I got stronger in my own life that fear lessened. We test our wings to see if we can fly solo. Freshly sprung from our prior indoctrination and not knowing what the people on the board are all about. I actually started my own blog a few years ago that has to do with my hobbies. And just doing that took guts for me. I can't understand why it was ever an issue for me other than I must have been that insecure.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/14/2013 10:14PM by snuckafoodberry.

You and SO SO many others on this board are very empathetic and kind. I agree, it is quite lucky to find so many people in one place who so clearly want lurkers and new posters to feel welcome. There is so much to be gained from everything that transpires here. Your personal account of what it was like when you first started posting to how you feel now is inspiring to me. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/14/2013 10:26PM by snowyowl.

Thank you, snowyowl. The board can be a little like the hotel California as well. Trying to leave Mormonism behind but the people on the board are so funny, smart and fantastic you find you don't want to leave it! :)

Most of us Mormons were pushed into unreasonable perfectionism. I try to write correct, fairly lucid posts, but sometimes I'm working at the same time, or there are little children fiddling with my office stuff, or the cat is trying to nap on the keyboard. The worst is trying to post on those teeny i-phone keyboards. My fingers are all thumbs, and the auto-correct puts in all the wrong words. It's a whole new world of grammar.

I think RFMr's are great!

Well said, Cheryl.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 06:17AM by honestone.