I'm just curious how many former TBMs were at a point in their life where they believed if they died that very moment they would go into the Celestial Kingdom. Even at my most perfect, where my conscience was clear and I was going to church every Sunday, paying my tithing, going to the temple, doing my home teaching, etc. I didn't believe that I was going to the Celestial Kingdom. I always felt that despite all my efforts I was not Celestial Kingdom material. I'm just curious how many other former TBMs felt similar (or different).

By the way, I now believe that if I die I'm saved by the Grace of Christ and that I will be in Heaven, just like the theif who accepted Christ while dying on the cross.

No not really, I mean it was a LONG way off and I figured I had a lot of stuff to do in between. Also who in the Church ever thinks they are doing enough, even when they are exhausting themselves daily to get everything done?

AFter I divorced I didn't want to go to the highest level with my husband (I was WELL rid of him), and have babies for eternity. So I slowly went from acheiving a ministering angel, to not caring what happens then. I've got too much living to do here. I beleive in an after life, with those I love, beyond that it doesn't matter, I will find out what I need to know then.

Yes, I did.

In fact, once I realized how much that I would not like it, just like I did not like being around MORmONS in any other setting, I was quite afraid of the notion that I would end up there permanently, so it dramatically sped up my mental exit from MORmONISM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 04:35AM by lucky.

On my mission, a few times, I felt like if I died then, I'd probably go to the CK, but for the most part, no. Even for the most part of my mission I didn't feel "worthy" enough for the CK. I remember a few months back, my mom (who is probably the most TBM person I've ever met) said she didn't feel like she was "worthy" to go to the CK. I thought to myself, "If she's not worthy, according to Mormonism, then at least 95% of Mormons wouldn't end up there!"

Now I don't see any evidence that any sort of afterlife even exists, so I don't worry about that kind of thing.

I really tried my best to be a good Mormon, but I couldn't make myself want to go the CK because of polygamy and the fact that lots of my loved ones wouldn't be there.

I never thought I would end up there just because I refuse, REFUSE to live any sort of polygamy. Thankfully, my husband agrees.

Never really felt like I was good enough no matter what I did.

Even though I was a better than average Mormon, I thought I must be terribly unworthy because I could never get a testimony. Why was it being withheld while all my less than average LDS friends, and a few blatant sinners, all claimed to have testimonies? What was wrong with me? The CK? Man it must have been SO out of reach for someone like me.

Hurray for self-loathing.

I hoped that someday I would be "good enough" to deserve a testimony, and go to the CK. But I never felt worthy enough.

Same here. I never had a "testimony" like everyone else. I worked so hard at it and did all the church asked me to, but I could never seem to get one comparable to everyone elses. Loads of self-loathing there.
Now I realize that I wouldn't have been able to get one, simply due to the way my mind works and deals with information. I could say "I believe" (though that was almost taboo), but couldn't bring myself to say "I know" and actually feel I meant it.

I never felt I was good enough. I always hoped for the middle kingdom.

I never allowed myself to think about it, because being gay, deep down I figured I didn't stand a chance. I still tried my best to be a good Mormon and do everything I should, so that at least I wouldn't be sent to outer darkness.

I took great comfort thinking that there was no hope for me to go there.

I would look around the room at church and think NO thanks, once around with these people is one too many. Same with my family of origin. I can't stand to be in the same room with them. Why would I want to spend eternity with them?

One day I realized I was sealed to an army of people that I had no say in being sealed to. There was no way to undo any of it. The people I love and care about the most are people i'm not sealed to. So, wherever unsealed people go, that's where I want to be.

It hardly even occurred to me. Living in Mormonism was such a negative experience that a lot of my effort was spent avoiding other Mormons. I hardly thought about whether I was living "righteously" or not. I really just wanted it all to go away and leave me alone.

I did, but I always hated the descriptions of the Celestial Kingdom. I don't think I ever wanted to be a god, but I was told that this was what I should strive to be, so I went along with it. To me, the idea of being an all knowing, all powerful, perfectly obedient eternal law following Mormon god did not jive well with me. Now on the other hand, if I was told I was going to become a Viking God...

No, I never felt worthy enough. I remember hoping God would be merciful enough to send me to the middle kingdom, but always felt like I would be sent to the bottom kingdom because my little sins were actually huge to God because I "sinned against the greater light"-- which made me equal to the murderers and rapists in God's eyes.

Nope! Buckets of self-loathing, that was my creed. But, the last couple of years, I had pretty come to terms with it. I was perfectly okay with going to the TK - the CK sounded like too much damn work. I didn't want to deal with the pressure of being a goddess or priestess or whatever. Too much responsibility! :)

Considering that Joseph Smith stated that he tried to kill himself to get to the lowest kingdom, I figured that the CK was just not worth the effort. I wanted to be me and live the best I could without worrying about the next life. I guess that is what helped me stay content while living in Moridor.

To answer the question, yes, when I was on my mission I felt like I could die at any time and go to the CK, until someone told me the way that you know if you are going to the CK or not is by having a visit from the second comforter a.k.a Jesus. Well that didn't happen, so my thoughts changed back.

I honestly hope that our existence ends with death!

I went back and forth on it. Often I felt like scum. My Patriarchal blessing said that I would, that I'd be among the first called. (Thank you, thank you. **takes a bow**) But mostly when I thought about being one wife of many I thought, "no thanks."

I never wanted to go there when I considered the caliber of people who were convinced that they were in . I've actuall told self righteous Morgbots that I planned on going to Hell as long as it was in the opposite direction they were headed .

I had thought that if you were worth to hold a TR you were worthy for the CK. However, I always felt that I was lower-level CK material.

Nope

I honestly never did. I always wondered how it was possible. The expectations were "be perfect". It was unspoken but true. I couldn't imagine anyone genuinely believing they were going there.

I never felt good enough, as I was a convert and I also didn't want to be one of many wives in the CK. I'm child-free in this life by my own choice, and there's no way I would want something like that in the afterlife.

Nope. No matter what I did, it wasn't enough. And TSCC could always come up with something to make me feel that whatever I good I was doing, was never good enough.

I remember the last time I went to SL Temple, went to prayer circle with (now) TBM ex-DW in a desparate attempt to "feel the spirit" & ask what else I needed to do...the "feeling" and the answer never came, and now I realize that it never will - at least for me.

I believed that I probably wouldn't because I had squandered chances to get married in this life, and also because of my lifelong cussing habit (which, oddly, is greatly lessened since I left the church). I also didn't want to be alone there since my entire family left the church before me.

I never thought much about it, other than to ponder the better then thou types who were sure that's where they were headed...and told me so....

Ron Burr

1. I never believed in the Mormon doctrines re the CK.
2. I always believed I was "elected" to get to heaven.
3. I have not doubted God's grace and that it is only that way we can get to heaven,
4. I told this to the "love council".

Yep, I had all the boxes checked off, I received all my ordinances. I believed that I was doing the best I could do.I thought I was good to go.

I never thought I would have to practice polygamy. I wonder if it was talked about more to you guys that are older than me.

Yes, I did. Course, it was a constant balance of "That probably was not a celestial choice," blah blah blah

This is one of the daftest aspects of TSCC. People get to higher level of heaven because they were adherent to the end in this world?

If there is a CK, God can do me a huge favor and not send me there. Just fling my ass among all the rest of the good hearted sinners that have roamed the planet. Why would I want to set myself above them? I think those who believe they qualify, DO NOT qualifiy due to self rightiousness.

But, it matters not. I have never had a testimony so strong as the one I have now: there is no such place. Of course, I am guessing, but I feel it in my heart. If there is some kind of afterlife and reward, the only saving ordinance nessesary is love. You don't even need to believe in God to have love.

Only a man made, crazy narcisitic god would require humans to gather into man made buildings and worship him (or her). You see, it is the crazy, self serving, narcisitic humans that created God in their image in the first place.....at least the scriptural God. Such a charecter does not exist. Perhaps there is a higher power, even possibly a God. If there is, why would he revel the truth about himself (herself) and stop the human search for the truth?

Just my thoughts.

"I bear this testimony in the humble name of mother earth, wild trout that rise to mayflies (and well tied dry flies) and elk that sing each September in the wildernesses...amen"....lol now there is a real testimony!

No, I really did not. It was drilled into our brains that no matter how much we paid, prayed and obeyed our chances were slim, but don't give up "just in case". I felt like a hamster on a wheel.

At one sacrament meeting a man was giving a talk on that very same topic..he was so arrogant...he said "I don't see any pillars of light or fire over any of your houses do it doesn't look like any of you will be getting in any time soon"