My GF and I got into a fight last weekend. Things escalated and she started attacking me. She throw a lot of punches at my body. I don't think she tried to hit my face but I was blocking it. Though I'm sure she could of hit my face if she wanted to.
She is tiny compared to me and it was like a fly hitting a wall. Then she grabed this table ornament and smashed it on her head. Her head started bleeding so I took her to the emergency room. The nurse said it was just a scratch and she was fine.

She apologized right away for what she did and I know she feels really sorry about it. I did say I forgive her but I still can't get this out of my mind? Is it common for a GF or wife to attack their significant other. Does this type of thing happen to a lot of people? I have never had this happen to me and I am just looking for some advice here. Thanks

No, that is abuse. And I recommend you get her some counseling, or yourself or both.
And if she does this again, leave for your own physical and mental health.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
What if she hits you with that table ornament when you aren't looking or are sleeping?

She needs help. This is not okay, even with the size difference.

This is the first time she has done something like this. She says she won't do it again. I told her if she does do it again I will leave her. Is this a bad course of action?

No, but if you don't follow through then she will know she can get away with it again and it WILL escalate.

She needs to talk to a professional though. People don't just lose their shit and get violent without something that deeply needs to be addressed going on. Get her some help.

Follow through with what. If she does it again I will leave her but it seems like this board is saying she will do it again. Is there some stuff I can read about this. I have been dating her for a year now and I don't really want to throw it all away.

You don't want to throw away a WHOLE year? LOL!

Sorry, that's just hilarious.

Well this is my first longtime GF since leaving mormonism. Things usually ended after a month with mormon girls because they wanted to get serious right away.

A month, a year, a decade.

What you described in your original post is absolutely unacceptable to me. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't worry about promises, or counseling, or anything like that.

"Don't let the door hit ya!"

On to the next one, dude. What she did is not cool and if the roles were reversed and it was you hitting her and then hurting yourself, how do you think her friends & family would respond? Think about it.

Sorry I read what you said wrong. You are suggesting to leave if she does it again. I was thinking this but I wasn't sure if that was the best course of action.

It is kind to give her another chance, but please do follow through and leave if she does it again.

Your year with her will not have been wasted, you have learned that the mormon standard very short engagements don't allow time to get to know a person deeply.
You need to find out if they have this capacity for abuse before hitching up for life with them.
As it is, I would give this one another year or two to see if she will do it again before proceeding further down the path toward entangling yourselves legally in marriage. (But I am not you.)

I can't stress enough how important and caring it would be for you to get her or you or any combination to talk to a professional about this incident.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 11:15AM by WinksWinks.

No, that is not common or normal.

She's abusive. And if she pulls stunts like hitting herself, she could end up blaming YOU for it one of these days.

Holy shit, dude. Run away..

It might come to the point she is so angry at you that she hurts herself again, calls the police and says you did it.

Off you go to Jail.

I have seen it happen before.

This is abuse, just as if you had done the same to her. What if you have children together?

Everyone should be safe and loved in their own home. She must sort her own problems out. You deserve better.

This is the first time she has done something like this. She says she won't do it again. I told her if she does do it again I will leave her. Is this a bad course of action?

capable of that sort of thing.

Would you want her taking care of your kids someday?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 10:44AM by imaworkinonit.

Will she do it again? I don't really know. She said she won't.

Spoken like a true abuse victim. Next you're going to say it was your fault..

Well I don't feel like much of a victim. If someone does this once how likely will they do it again?

Even though this chart is from a site for women's shelters, the cycle of abuse applies to women and men who are batterers.

http://www.womensshelterslo.org/get-informed/cycle-of-violence

So she is too small to have done any real physical damage to you. What if you have kids or a pet together? The kids and the pets WILL BE smaller than she is. It has nothing to do with size and everything to do with how she handles being upset, frustrated, angry, etc. I also agree with other posters who say she could turn it around on you.

You deserve better. Best wishes.

Women can be abusive, too. Some of them have the totally abhorrent and sexist attitude that it isn't REALLY abuse because... well, like you know, it's only abuse if if the guy hits the girl. And that is βƱⱢⱢ$Ħ!†!!!!

And it WILL escalate. I agree with the OPs... plus hitting herself is, IMO, indicative of a bigger issue. Beware- she may blame it on you, or she may have a more serious problem.

Get out now. No one who has any respect for you would dream of doing this. You can't act as some kind of saviour to her either - she needs to sort herself out.

Is she any more important than you? No she isn't. Do you deserve to spend your life on tenterhooks at the mercy of her temper? No, you don't.

Do you have any decent family members or friends you could talk to? If someone did this to my brother I would be incensed.

Uh, yes. Bad course of action. Leave now. Even if she didn't do it again, and she will, she's a hot mess who needs more help than you can give. Suggest she sees a counselor, wish her luck, and go your seperate ways.

Maybe I should put things into context a bit.

I told her I wouldn't drink anymore double rum and cokes because I get to drunk. I guess I treat her pretty bad when I get to drunk but I don't ever hurt her. I would never do something like that. What I took as this was not to do it while at a bar where I can get drink after drink.

Anyways we were at a concert and I didn't have a drink for an hour and a half. I wanted to go to the bar and drink 2 doubles because I didn't want to go back to the bar again. I just wanted to enjoy the DJ show.

After the drinks we go back to the concert and we start enjoying the music. Little did I know was she was upset at me for drinking that much. I put my hand only her back and she forces it away and does it kind of in a mean way. I get upset and ask her what she is doing. She started calling on the police officer and told me to go away. I start walking away and she comes with me. We get back home and I am livid! I start saying she can leave if she doesn't want to touch me in public. She said it wasn't that and she said that she was just hot. I wasn't listening to her because I was so angry and keep telling her she can leave if she doesn't want to touch me in public. She jumps up and then starts hitting me.

Anono,

I know it seems like you would never be violent but that is because you have never thought of it before. One time my boyfriend got drunk and mad and hit me and I tried to leave him but ended up back in a month or maybe even less because I was very attached to him (we dated several years). After that moment, I thought, "Well if he is allowed to be violent, then I am too!" and when we would fight, I found myself doing slightly violent things that I never thought were possible. Not necessarily physical harm to him, but still crazy-person things.

For example, we fought once in his car as he was dropping me off and I got out of the car and threw my scriptures at his car, hoping to break it somehow because he loved it. Looking back, this is kindof humorous because I totally missed and also I threw "God's novel" (I was taking a NT class at BYU) at him. Then he rolled his tires over them a few times.

Drama.

I'd try your best to get out of it and move on. Easier said than done, I know. But ever since this boyfriend was violent with me, I disrespected him, couldn't trust him, etc. and things became sad and miserable. Once something like this happens, it's difficult to see your significant other in the proper way you should see someone you love.

This is the problem I am having. I am having trouble looking at her the same way again. I was thinking this might pass with time but I don't know.

She needs a lot of help. If she gets with someone professional and really works on herself, you may be able to see the changes in her, and that may help how you view her.

Other people are very correct about bringing smaller people into your relationship, she CAN hurt others, even you.

She needs to do more than apologize to you, this is why you can't see her the same. She needs to do some deep personal work and growth.
(And so do you if you think any of this was your fault, or a valid "trigger" for her physical lashing out. None of what you wrote about the concert was. It was all excuses she gave you for her behavior. Never okay.)

Well I think she got very frustrated cause I wasn't listening. That doesn't deserve abuse though.

Everyone is different, but it does take a long time to look at someone who has hurt you in the same way.

It's important to forgive, but that doesn't mean you have to keep dating her.

I'm mostly worried about the table ornament, it seems to me like she was ready to use that as evidence that you attacked her. That's really scary because everybody want's to believe the tiny bleeding girl when an abuse is called.
That's very intentional an controlling behavior. I think She wants to have blackmail material if you want to leave her.

I never thought of this. I thought she did it cause she was really frustrated and she couldn't get through to me. Seems pretty overboard if you ask me though.

Do you need this trouble? If the answer is no, then LEAVE NOW.