Thankyou for all the support and I am leaning towards breaking up with my GF.

I'm wondering if I should do it now when I get home or if I should do it after the weekend. The thing is when she was attacking me I grabed her arms to stop attacking me. I am really strong and me grabbing her arms left some bruises there. Also she has the scratch on her head from her hitting herself with the table ornament. I am a little worried that if I break up with her tonight she might do something like call the police and say that I abused her.

I am going out of town to my brothers for the weekend. I'm thinking those bruises will disappear after the weekend.

I guess my question is do you think it would be better if I end it tonight or after the weekend?

Thanks again for the help this has been very enlightening.

There is nothing to stop her from going to the police and accusing you, marks or not. So the sooner you're out the better. Then if she DOES go to the police all you have to say is that you are out of that situation and would love a restraining order. You don't WANT to be near her. In fact, if you can pack up and be completely gone before she gets home from work or whatever, even better. Good luck.

My suggestions: considering your concerns about the situation being turned against you, I'd be very, very careful of how you do this. Besides, bruises usually take longer than two days to heal.

Probably best to take some time off: leave. Give her time to settle down. Stick to some non-contact for a couple of weeks. Be unavailable for face to face time.

Then, when you are sure things are calm, break up. Might want to consider doing it non-face to face: a phone call, or text. I know, that sounds rude, but if you have any concerns for her becoming abusive, violent, etc. it's best to stay away from her.

This suggestion is based on what little I have read.

Here's a link to a useful instructional YouTube video on the subject:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTiyLuZOs1A

I should clarify that she lives in my condo with me. We have been living together for the past 6 months.

IF she is that far gone, then strictly avoid seeing her. Get a compact camcorder, carry it at all times to video document any further encounters that may occur, ones that hopefully will not happen. She merely has to make accusations and the burden of proof is on you, especially if she gets a cop with hero complex who thinks the same way Joe Smith did -with the smaller head. Legal problems can seriously MESS UP your life, and the legal system loves to ruin people (especially males that have any semblance of physical prowess -you said you were strong, no matter how consistently reasonable you really are). Don't think that it can not happen to you. All that bluster about "the land of the free and the home of the brave" and you having rights..... that's just so much fanciful CRAP just like MORmONISM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 01:50PM by lucky.

+1...absolutely agree. Carry that compact with you and keep it running. Did you know that all she has to do it call the police, show them the bruise, and they can arrest you on the spot. This is extremely serious for you. Be careful. I had a crazy ex-wife, whom I caught in bed with her boyfriend. She began doing the same thing to me as your GF. I left a finger print bruise on her arm - just trying to hold her off from scratching my face. Later, when mad again, she threatened to call the police and say that I beat her. I got the heck out of there and divorced her.

My attorney told me about another case he had. This guy's nut case ex wife hated him, (if anybody can relate to that ?).
So they were divorced, and she was hooked up with some other guy.
The new guy loses it, and pounds on her face with his fists.
So what does she do? - Calls the cops and blames her bruised beat up face on the ex husband. YAH, NO KIDDING!

Upon investigation/ inspection, The evidence very strongly supported this CRAZY CRAZY scenario. Guy A -no real possible proximity at the time of the crime, Guy B Tons of Proximity. Guy A no bruised knuckles Guy B (UH OH!) Bruised knuckles/ swollen hands, but no body was supposed to look!!!! ..... It must have been from beating up somebody else !!!

But Guy B was right there with his arm around the poor poor women backing up her claims that Guy A was the one who beat up the Nut case woman. The Hell of it is, My attorney was having a real battle getting guy A acquitted even with the evidence so strongly in his favor. The system is like: lets just convict him anyway, to save time, because even if he did not do it this time he will probably do it later. Anybody who is dirty enough to be charged is dirty enough to do the crime, sooner or later !

Don't think for one second that the legal system and the courts have any regrets about the errant ruination of any guy's life. They don't care. People's lives are completely expendable to them! They want to play, the world is theirs as far as they are concerned, and they don't care who they ruin. They feel its better that EVERYBODY goes to Jail, well except for them OF COURSE!, rather than any perp getting away! which is exactly the opposite of innocent until proven guilty. When a person is charged they are GUILTY, until they can prove other wise and its always an uphill battle.

+1000000...lot of the young DA's, cops, etc, want as many convictions and arrests as they can to further their careers.

If she lives with you, it might be a good idea to break up with her before this 2-day trip so that she has time to move out while you are gone.

Or while she is gone, she might trash your place. Maybe after is better, if this concerns you.

You will need to find out how to get a roommate/GF to leave your premises legally in your city/county/state. Make some calls, Google Searches.

It might require that you do certain things,in writing.

I'd be concerned about her trashing your place if she is upset in any manner.

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You will need to find out how to get a roommate/GF
> to leave your premises legally in your
> city/county/state.

Yah, its called YOU end up moving out, with out your stuff, even if you own the place!

I'd also build an evidence paper trail. Send her an email. Explain what happened. Tell her (kindly) you will not tolerate that kind of conduct from her again.

Be totally honest in all you write and let her know you respect honesty in resolving this matter.

Let her be the one to respond and let her put her actions and defenses into a paper trail. Let her reveal her thoughts in writing.

This way, if she should ever try to accuse you or turn against you, you have an iron clad paper trail wherein she admitted to the physical abuse.

Her story could change on a dime. So get the original event documented. You can be kind and thoughtful in your correspondence to her. Yet in the back of your mind you are only protecting yourself by getting a paper trail of evidence.

jiminycricket Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> +1 --- email/document everything, get a confession or clear admission...

Just make your mind up to end this relationship. Once you have made up your mind then you can relax a little and plan out your exit. Part of the plan should be to create a feeling of trust with her so that she does not suspect it or see it coming when you leave. You can plan out where you want to tell her, and how you want to tell her. I would be careful with someone like her who is violent and will do her best to embarrass you. You have already mentioned that you do not trust her to be honest and may even make up stories to make you look bad or even get you arrested. If you have a friend then plan a lunch with the friend there to help you as a witness of her behavior. Have him bring a video camera and let her know that if she does anything violent that he (or yourself) will video it. While she is out have a locksmith or handyman change the locks on the condo and have some laborers come over and box up her stuff.

You may need a few friends and family to pull it off and get her out. If she is contributing to the rent/mortgage you can give her back her money for the upcoming month and refund her for any back rent she paid and won't be able to stay at the condo. Be fair and error on the side of caution and give her a few hundred more spending money if she is in a tight situation. Hopefully she can come up with an affordable arrangement on short notice. If not then she may need to make more friends fast..tough shit for her.

If you have the means to do it then get a storage unit and have her stuff delivered to it and pay her storage fee for a month and give her the key to it.

Try to make it clean and don't be alone with her ever again.

Use your phone to record the following conversation:

Hi crazy b, listen I have been worried all day, you really attacked me and I even worried that because I pushed you away and you got bruises, that you would call the police and lie to get me in trouble. Thats when I realized that something has to change, I love you and don't want to lose you.

Crazy B: admit...apologize

You ok, lets, talk about it this weekend.

Then at night sneak up to her purse and get your balls back from her purse and leave. You will have recorded evidence that she started it and she was at fault. If she does not fall for it the first time, keep calling and recording.

He shouldn't admit to anything, i.e. "because I pushed you away." This can be twisted by a good attorney.

If she's really a nutbar, I would suggest that you contact the local magistrate before you take any action. They may suggest that you have a police officer (and you MUSTTTTT have a reliable witness with you) when you tell her to remove her things.

I had to deal with this with a roommate and she went and took out a warrant on me for communicating threats. She had no proof (because it wasn't true!) and it cost me $5K and SEVEN court appearances to get them to drop the charges.

From experience, if you encounter crazy, run like hell. This is going to suck.

You let a chick move in with you? STUPID move bro. Hope you never called her your wife or signed anything Mr. & Mrs.

Kick her ass to the curb and change the locks.

Well I don't think she will call the cops.

I have a bruise on my chest actually so I took a pic of that. It shows that she was hitting me. The arm bruises showed I grabbed her to stop.

I think I will tell her tonight.

Just fyi, I know a couple who beat each other and they put them both in jail....... good luck, wish you the best!

If both parties have bruises, plenty of times BOTH are hauled off to jail.

anono Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thankyou for all the support and I am leaning
> towards breaking up with my GF.
>
> I'm wondering if I should do it now when I get
> home or if I should do it after the weekend. The
> thing is when she was attacking me I grabed her
> arms to stop attacking me. I am really strong and
> me grabbing her arms left some bruises there.
> Also she has the scratch on her head from her
> hitting herself with the table ornament. I am a
> little worried that if I break up with her tonight
> she might do something like call the police and
> say that I abused her.
>
> I am going out of town to my brothers for the
> weekend. I'm thinking those bruises will
> disappear after the weekend.
>
> I guess my question is do you think it would be
> better if I end it tonight or after the weekend?
>
> Thanks again for the help this has been very
> enlightening.

REPORT HER FIRST. the cops will not think you called the police on yourself. do not mention the fear that she will make up accusations against you. Just say what happened and they will investigate.

They might be total dicks about it to you-cops are like that a lot of the time. But you will be protected from legal shit.

I know you mean well, but after having dealt with the (INSANE) system, this approach is way too much like burn down the house before she does.

I would damn sure want video evidence of my claims before I ever talked to the cops, other wise its just like talking to a brick wall ..... when a person is fortunate that is, and when a person is not so fortunate, talking to the cops ALWAYS turns out bad for me, (because somehow I just don't exude that tons of BJs and wide open nookie for the all the guys with badges that take my side kind of personality)

I would tell her to get out in a well planned and thought out way. Have a witness.
Have a plan.
Try to be prepared.
Do you have the money to do it?
A million reasons will be made up as to why she can not move out right now. She will apologize and try to stay and think of all the reasons she can not move out. Then she will try to think of how she can benefit from the situation immediately because she knows it will end soon. She will threaten to call the cops on you before this is all over.

Gee I have butterflies in my stomach right now. I feel like I'm going to be sick! Sorry for the drama guys I just really needed this.

Call the police, and file a police report. You also need to file a restraining order against her. (So what if people say you are "hysterical" and "over-reacting". It is better than being injured, and better than having your life ruined by someone who won't let you to.) Tell your family and friends that you will be evicting her, and when, so you will have lots of witnesses. If you have a brother as strong as you--or several buddies--have them with you when you tell her. I had the help of my brothers, and two football player cousins.

Some abusers are cowards, and my ex crawled away, crying and sobbing, and talking about our sacred temple vow, and trying to make me look like the cruel one. (That's better than a beating, too.) He didn't take anything with him. I packed the boxes myself, and dumped them off at his relative's garage, 120 miles away. I showed the relatives my injuries, and the relatives had witnessed first-hand the temper tantrums my ex would throw. I think the relative eventually gave the stuff away. You need to get her things out of your condo, so she doesn't have an excuse to come over, and violate the restraining order.

Yes, have the locks changed. Don't count on her cooperating with you, You will have to do everything. If you have a pet, get it out of there, and into a safe place! My ex actually went around the neighborhood looking for my cat, but I had put her into a boarding kennel, out-of town. Don't panic, but, still, be well prepared!

BTW, all recorded parties must consent to a recorded phone conversation, in order for it to be used as evidence. The cam-corder thing is way too much trouble. You want to end this quickly and cleanly. Besides, would you risk another assault, just to have it recorded?

The worst thing that might happen, is that your girlfriend might have trouble finding someone else (another victim). But, she manipulated you into letting her move in with you, for 6 months, so maybe she will set herself up quickly. My ex was extremely manipulative, and very handsome and charming. He married someone younger, in the temple, the day our divorce was final. She was from a wealthy TBM family, who could support him (better than I could), and set him up with jobs. He eventually messed that up, and she divorced him, took their kids, and went home to daddy. Daddy had their house protected like a fortress (alarms, a gated community, restraining orders for kids and adults) for a while. Eventually, creeps like your girlfriends move on. Abusers are not fulfilled unless they have a victim(s).

I researched it and it looks like it is legal for me to record her without her consent. This is in Canada so the rules are a bit different.