I'm just wondering if for some people the church culture and doctrine don't bother them that much and they are genuinely happy in the church. I guess I can always ask them when they confront me. What is everybody's else's thoughts?

I have often wished, since leaving the Church, that I could attend as I would a protestant church, when I wanted. However the Church's insistance on TOTAL obedience and TOTAL belief makes that impossible. Also since knowing the truth about JS. hearing him lauded as a prophet etc is nauseating!

I suffered BADLY in the Church, it is SO demanding in EVERY way and is in your bedroom, what you can and can;t do as husband and wife, how many kids you have, the kitchen, what you can eat etc. It was OVERWHELMING. Yes I am VERY glad to be out.

I THOUGHT I was happy in the Church when things were going right, but I truly wasn't and it was an awful, painful process of obedieince, disallusionment and finally leaving.

So true. For awhile, I thought that I could still attend church on my own terms and then it would be easier on my family. It just isn't possible. There's always a push to be more Mormon...special invitations meant just for you to ward temple night, a calling to get you more involved, impromptu invitations from the pulpit for you to bear your testimony etc. The church ALWAYS dictates the terms.

Jeff Holland sure does, see his video in another thread. Jeff has suffered to the point he did not know if the sun would rise.

Mormonism is perfect for some people. And electro-shock therapy is perfect for others.

I never suffered in the church. Sure, there were little things here and little things there that bugged me or were unfair. I left entirely because they were lying about so many things. Lying or covering them up - being cagey. After I got out, I realized I was a much nicer, kinder, happier person outside of Mormonism than I ever was in. If people wonder why I left, if I was reasonably happy, it was the dishonesty and the control. Like someone mentioned on another thread, the control/obedience/giving up free agency thing is Satan's plan (if you believe in Mormonism). And Satan is the father of lies. Now honestly, I don't particularly believe in Satan but I believe in evil and compulsive lying and demands for obedience seem to accompany most groups throughout history that were later deemed evil. Mormonism may be "Evil Lite" but it's just varying degrees of the same mindset.

My experience with the LDS Church as a young adult convert was not about suffering, nor about recovering when I left. It was about changing my mind, again, about my religious beliefs and giving myself permission for a new world view to evolve.

I had a predominately decent time as an LDS female. The longer I was involved, the more I learned, the less I liked it and how I was treated, and finally, after some research, had a good laugh that people were still believing these claims that had absolutely no basis in fact, even though the believers claimed they did. I was naive about most of it for many years!


My predominate concerns, over time were about disagreements and disappointments about how I was treated, (and other matters), which was aggravating and very frustrating, to put it mildly, particularly as as female I had no real redress. That's another whole long post!

Also, I wanted more input as a female but the system didn't allow it. I've also written a lot about the role of women in the LDS Church.

Those LDS folks that I know, mostly personally, (some multi-generational), have shared faith based experiences and often state that they love the church, and other such statements. I know many LDS families that have shown to be sincere, honest, good people, good friends, hard working, donating a lot of their time to the church also. They have mostly intact families of several children and grand children. (I don't know if all have stayed with the church over the last 40 years but it appears that the majority have.)

On the one hand, there were bishops and others that worked very hard to be helpful, personally improved my home, and other things, as well as others.

A long time friend and bishop just passed away. The number of people just on FB that are paying tributes is huge. I would agree, he was one of the top bishops I ever dealt with. He was a community leader also.

There are a few people in the LDS Church that I knew/know that were not ethical, didn't tell the truth, broke laws, some of them huge laws, interfered in people's lives until families were destroyed, and on and on. In my experience, that was the exception, but it was enough that when I left, it was a relief that I did not have to deal with any of that nonsense again.

I changed my mind about what I was going to place my faith and belief in, including Mormonism, that's three different religious belief systems.
I stuck it out longer than most of my family, some left at 12 on, others served a mission. My husband died a true believer - with beautiful services, believers and non believers participating.

I understood enough about human behavior to know that the people in the LDS Church behaved much the same as everyone else - including people at work, school, and other places. Just their faces changed.

I lived with and loved Mormons and will continue to do so. Religion choice, ultimately is a personal decision. It's a personal sense of treating others the way I want to be treated - to respect and honor everyone's choices - which does not require that I have any belief in any of it.

I was about as happy as I was going to be raising a family in the LDS Church. I realized after I left, that there was a much larger world to embrace and love that didn't require any kind of religious belief constrictions which I much prefer.

I still keep in touch with many LDS folks and always will.
I don't have any regrets. It was life as I knew it: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2013 08:22PM by SusieQ#1.

Some people do not have issues that conflict with the church and so there is no suffering.

The subservience seems to suit them fine, so again, no suffering. They are cut from Mormon cloth.

These people don't have enough empathy to see how badly the TSCC is hurting others, so again, no suffering. It works for them, so it couldn't be the church that's the problem. Blame the victim.

Being told what to do is just peachy by them, and they think the hymns are pretty, and they know ALL the words to the Mormon testimony, so all is hunky dory.


Some of us went through hell because we just weren't cut from the perfect Mormon cloth (thank Eva Lucian) which leaves me very little respect for those who think the church is just peachy, and is full of lovely people. Because people who think that way have blinders on, and don't care about anything except the fact that they can do all the tricks, jump through all the hoops, and get the applause they have come to crave.

I have the deepest regard for those who have posted that they left in whole or part because of Prop 8, because their eyes were opened by empathy, and that is beautiful for everybody.

thank you everybody so far for your insights. I had just recently watched my grandparents 50th Anniversary video and was wondering if everybody was like me (an easy assumption that I tend to make a lot) and was completely miserable in the church or if they were genuinely happy. I needed to know and see other perspectives so I can make sure I treat them how I would want to be treated in that situation.

Thanks again!

I thought I was happy sometimes. Looking back, I remember feeling unworthy and like I was doomed to be without my family for eternity because of sins.

Fast forward to very recently: true believer, believed BY was a prophet. Believed no prophet would lead us astray. Believed Gay people chose to be gay. Believed polygamy wasn't a big deal. Knew about the "unapproved" teachings of JS and BY, still tried to resolve it in my mind. Found out about Mark Hofmann incident.
Tried to resolve it.

The last few months (years?) were pretty bad for me. Always trying to be perfect, but knowing I would never be. I was in 100%, I studied recent prophets (listented to a GC talk every day on way to school with wife) and read BOM almost every day.

I suffered the most because I had to believe too many paradoxes to continue believing. I did for a long time. 2+2=5, in certain situations.

I feel much better in my mind, but now I just feel lost. I've been walking in a circle thinking I was heading for a mansion in heaven. Now that I know... I'm not walking in a circle anymore, but I'm rambling on not knowing which direction to go.

Mission: Suffered every single day, in every single way.