This bish in my ward sent me a notice to come to a church disipline meeting last month. I never responded. I moved from my ward in West Jordan to Ogden. My partner and I have been living together for about years. Someone in the ward must have ratted on us to the bish and SP. Right now, I'm not sure what to do. My family is TBM, but I no longer believe. What advice could I find here?

Update: I just got a letter today telling me that I was exed.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2011 04:42PM by brookside.

If you are a MP holder, they will most likely try to ex you at the stake level. Don't let them. Once you sent your letter or e-mail in the church, send a copy to the Bish and SP. Resign though dude, and don't let this cult tarnish your good name and reputation.

However I'll respond as if I believed you. What you do it up to you. Ignore it, if you don't care about excommunication. You certainly don't have to go to any "Court of Love". Or resign. And tell your families before someone else does. Be honest but let them know you love them and are still the same person you were before they got this piece of information.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2011 03:14PM by Rebeckah.

What about what YOU think.


You did your time....like it matters at all if they ex you in REALITY.

What kind of true and good organization bargains love and acceptance.

I've been pretty much ostracized by older brothers. My oldest brother is still TBM, but he has issues. my 2nd oldest brother and I used to talk for hours on the phone before he knew about this. Now he kind of avoids me. My middle brother has completely shut me, my mon and my oldest brother out and has distanced himself from the family. Mom still tries to keep in touch with me.

We used to get together for family dinners on Sundays, but because of the bigotry that runs through my family, this is now impossible.

you have been excommunicated and the reason.


If you are not sure, you can contact membership records and ask:

Here is the Phone And Fax Number:
Member Records Division
801-240-2053 - Phone

801-240-1565 - Fax

1-800-453-3860 ext 22053 - Toll Free

Email:
dodgegw@ldschurch.org

To find local ward/stake use this link:

http://lds.org/maps/index.jsf

Check with Greg Dodge's office to see about your current status. If they haven't excommunicated you, my advice would be to take control of the situation by resigning. You can resign by email now. There are directions on this webite for how to do it.

I'm sorry about your family situation. Unfortunately, it's not unusual.

And welcome to the board, BTW. You will find a lot of understanding people here.

I just got a notice from the church that I have been exed. The stake held a hearing without my presence and decided to ex me.

I'm so frustrated right now. I could have resigned. But now, my family will probably find out.

My life is such a mess right now. My partner want to leave me for another man.

I have no one anymore. This is the mistake of my life.

I'm out of the church, so I can't turn to them anymore.

I don't feel comfortable talking to any of my family about this.

will not release information about your disciplinary council nor the outcome of excommunication over the phone. Been there, and didn't receive any information.

Once you are excommunicated (or disfellowshipped) you have a few options:

One is to ignore the situation, continue to be exed and conduct your life as if it didn't happen. It has happened, so this is not your best option especially since you have family members whom are TBM.

Secondly: You have 30 days to appeal the verdict of the SP's council. To do so, you will need to send a formal letter to the SP requesting an appeal to their verdict. Be sincere, humble (not humiliated), and let him know your desire for a hearing to appeal your case. See if you can meet with the SP in advance of the hearing.

Thirdly, once you have been excommunicated, you are excommunicated. You membership number has been coded for excommunication. Attempting to send in a resignation letter after the fact is pointless. IMO sending in a resignation letter if you have regrets about the excommunication will only make matters worse.

I did not attend my disciplinary council either, and I should have as they took my non-presence as a sign that I didn't care and increased the discipline to excommunication.

Best wishes.
Sandie

If brookside has a letter than he has been excommunicated and the reason, then that answers his questions.

The email can be used for resignation. It's been successful so far.

I don't know about you, but it would bother me to know they had a court and exed me when I could have resigned. Living in Utah means that this kind of action could have social and business implecations.

Good luck.

Take the bull by the horns.

Mail the letter registered with a returned receipt. When the LDS church offices receives your letter and signs that receipt, you are OUT.

Oh, there may be phone calls, demand summonses for meetings, a waiting period, and huffing-and-puffing from the Mormon leadership, but you are OUT.

Even now, member or not, the Mormons have absolutely no authority over you! A formal letter of resignation lets everyone know you are in charge, and you can write that in your letter.

Once you resign, it is illegal for them to hold a court or excommunicate you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2011 03:35PM by forestpal.

But my parents would be heartbrken. I still love my family, but I no longer fit it. Our family was always dysfunctional. My dad was holier than thou for many years. He committed adultery back in 1970, and did not confess it until 1999. That is why he was so kooky. My Dad now is a humble old man and doesn't know what to do. He is still TBM, but doesn't have a temple recommend at this time. He stopped going for some reason.

Mom I think is on the fence. She still attends church out of habit, but saddened by our family situation.

I understand the need to be careful with family members.

Some never do resign. They just fade away, and deal with the LDS church from time to time.

There are no rules about what is best for you. Only you can make those decisions.

Then you'll know. If you've been exed, then that's the end of that. If not, you'll have a decision to make.

It seems like you've been trying to fly under the radar with regard to your church membership, at least as long as your parents are alive. (Do I have that right?) Many people do make that choice.

But you do live in the heart of the Morridor, and the church will most likely keep coming after you.

The church would not tell your parents officially if you choose to resign. But your name would be dropped from their tithing settlement form at the end of the year, and they might deduce it from that. Or word could get to them through the Mo grapevine, which is a very real possibility.

I just got a notification letter today from the church that I've been exed.

How do I keep my family from finding out?

I guess I just don't think it's that bad.

Now go get some coffee and a beer.

I have no more church and I have no more family.

My partner told me he is moving out today.

What brought that on with your partner? Coincidence, or did it have something to do with your church status?

I'm so sorry! Sometimes life really, really stinks. But I want to assure you that eventually, things will get better.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

KG

I guess here we are all damned souls.

If we choose to be.

It's heaven and hell here.

Which one will you live today?

"I" have no more church and I have no more family.

There may be thousands here that feel EXACTLY like you.
Love should not be conditional.

It's painful to realize their love was not "true."

"My partner told me he is moving out today."

(That sucks but, I am sure you must have seen this coming)

Is he leaving today?

When it rains tt pours, doesn't it? But there is another day tomorrow. You're NOT damned!!! So you don't have the mormon church to turn to. What did they do for you anyway? Messed up your family and kicked you out. There are SO many places to go to and people to turn to. A whole new world is out there, and although you're not saying why your partner moves out, it's not the end of the world. It just seems that way now, because these 2 things collided at the same time.

Give you mom a chance and see what happens. Ask your other family why Mormon founder, Joseph Smith wasn't exed for marrying women who were already married before they judge you. Sometimes strangers are nicer than ones family. It's not just a Mormon thing, but don't worry too much right now!



Like one poster said you can still write a letter of resignation. Good wishes and thoughts towards you, dear. There are lots of sympathetic folks here who have had similar experiencs. Let us know what happens...k!

ps. booze and smokes don't make problems go away but accentuate the problems. Be good to yourself. You just got rid of a devious cult. Congrats!

I have this mormon programming still messing with my brain.


Thank Nina for your kind words.

brookside Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just got a notification letter today from the
> church that I've been exed.
>
> How do I keep my family from finding out?

Just don't mention it. It might come up in a tithing settlement with your parents, if they attend, your name won't be on the family list. That's about it.

Your name will be dropped from their tithing settlement form. It's also very likely that the "Mo grapevine" will get word back to them.

So it's up to you. Why not tell them before they find out some other way?

Congratulations on being out.

My partner is moving out after he gets home from work.

I don't drink or smoke and don't really want to start.

I know my Mom will disown me if I tell her.

The church has me so screwed up in my head right now.

I think I just messed up big time.

Your partner's moving out because you got exed from the Mormon Church? I think I missed something.

My partner me someone else and he is moving in with him. This has been brewing for several weeks now. His new partner is a exmo who served a mission in Honduras and left the church for the same reason I did.

I just wan't to understand.
Are you all return missionaries?

My partner has never been a mo. My partner has probably just moved to his next fornication. He doesn't seem to care who he hurts. He was with 2 other guys before me. Yes, I'm a guy. BKP's talk finally made me move in with him. I really don't know what to do right now.

When a bad parter leaves you, it frees you to be open to new possibilities that you would have never seen if you remained in a relationship that seems like it was dysfunctional to begin with. It does not seem that way now, and it hurts when a lover leaves you, but in time you will see that you are better off - and will probably be with someone much better than this guy in time.

If you are upset about being out of the church, you can always return and go through the whole process. But is it worth it if it means you can not live an honest life out in the open?

You might seem alone now, but it's time to find a new community, and support group. Remember, family can mean more than just the people to whom we are related.

Family shuns you......you feel disposable
You find love....that falls apart....you feel disposable
You think your life is doomed....and you feel helpless
Depression sets in and you have no desire to wake up in the morning.

Then.........you get angry. VERY angry.

Here is a strong suggestion to avoid much of the above. Post here, vent here, find other people to meet for coffee here at this place for those who are out of Mormonism. Go to Exmo events. Ask for help, ask for someone to hang out with in your area. There are so many great exmo's in Utah. You should have no problem finding kindred spirits.

What not to do.....think this is the end and you have nothing to live for. Trust me on this one...time has a way of working this out.


I ws ex'd 32 years ago (and if you are young, I seem ancient). If only I would have had his place, some like minded friends, and this place for support in the late 70's.

Big hugs...pull up a chair and join some really great people.
We care.

wings

Stop beating yourself up. You can't control what other people do.

Maybe get some counseling to help you sort out what you've been through, give you some tools to deal with all of it.
Do you have a job or hobby or other interests to keep you focused on other things? Sometimes that helps.

People here have some advice from their own experiences that can be very comforting.
Hang in there.
You are not alone.

That is a Mormon lie and has no basis in truth.

Being left by your partner is very hard. But people make their decisions that often reflect far more on themselves than you.

I have recently joined a Divorce Recovery Group hosted by a local Methodist church. Besides helpful therapeutic information such a group brings together people who are going through a similar trauma to share and support together. I really like it.

Seek out people who can understand and support you and value you. I have to say the Methodist expressions that God is love and that you are valued are very helpful messages in such times.

Love your family and likely they will love you back. Mormons are people too and may respond to your emotional cues.

Best of luck. As the saying goes don't let the b****rds get you down.

Now go out and celebrate.

When you get to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on as they say!

I know all of this must be hitting you like a brickwall but try reading some of what GayLayAle wrote. Life can be hell at times but you will see better days.

When I first left the cult life was hard. In some ways it's like learning to walk and talk again. Cults do that to people.

You hang in there! Wish I was in your area and we could go out for beer and the drink of your choice. It WILL get better!