The amount of respect I've lost for my brain washed TBM family has been INCREASING the last few years.

They cannot admit their ENTIRE life has been based on a hoax religion invented by a sexual predator con man.

Why can't they "come clean" publically like Hans Matteson?

Contact has significantly decreased by email, phone calls, and personal visits, I don't want to deal with their fake crap.

There is something very unattractive in the inability to correct error, especially my controlling, self righteous Dad. Ugh.

Oh man I understand this!!!

About five years ago I thought it had hit the depths possible, but then I see my family (and extended family) at holidays and hear the religious, political, and cultural crap they bring up. Every time my respect for them just keeps dropping.

Conservatives and mormons are known to be low effort thinkers, but the mormons are really approaching no effort thinkers.

I get this...big time...there is only so much bs that one can put up with...do the best you can,but realize that you are human...and you have your limits...

It's like being in a group of kids and you are the only one who knows Santa is figurative, and all they want to do is talk about Santa.

This is a tough situation and I can certainly sympathize. I love my parents and siblings, but not only have I lost respect for them, I pity them as well. Before finding RfM and MormonThink, I always figured there was something wrong with me because I didn't want to live the "gospel." But now that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the church is NOT true, I view my family in a completely different light. Like I said, I love them, but I feel sorry for them. And here's the sad part - I don't even respect them enough to tell them what I know. They wouldn't research for themselves, and it would just drive a wedge between us. So I just try to find other things to talk about.

This is me now. My father in law sat at the table yesterday and talked of mormoney happenings, and earlier in the day my husband was trying to argue with me about the word of wisdom but for me I found no reason to argue imaginary things. I saw his desperate look and defensiveness and just walked away sad for him; knowing he and his dad's minds are closed off and messed up. I also don't try and share what I know anymore because they are not receptive and I am caring less and less as the months go on. I'm becoming more like an observer in my own mind and less like I have any kind of vested interest.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2013 09:10AM by snuckafoodberry.

I left The Cult as a teenager; 42 years ago.

It has been an interesting ride all these years.

My TBM relatives all think I will come back into the flock someday.

for TBMs to come clean.

Better to leave it alone and let them come to their senses if and when they're ready--or not.

Yes, it is disappointing.

Snuk we are in a similar situation. Sometimes I think, why would I want to be married to someone that can't see the truth? It's hard. It's so frustrating to have a spouse who is so good in all other areas of his life, but can't trust me to take even a small leap of understanding and look openly at the issues of Mormonism. Oh what to do, what to do......

I have been reading lots of articles on how to deal with toxic people and it has really helped. To be honest I just don't want to split up my house. I don't want half time with my daughter, I don't want less money, I don't want her dragging a suitcase behind her on wheels as she leaves school for the other parent to pick her up as I see other kids leaving school do. No. Instead I am choosing to learn to live with someone difficult. I am twisting every negative he says into a positive with a smile. And he thinks I am mocking him. But he sees his words are not effecting me. I choose kindness. And I deal as kindly with him as I can. I have also been taking kick boxing and it makes me feel really good. Punching kicking and getting stronger has helped me considerably. I just removed myself from the turmoil to try and see him from a different perspective. I feel sad for him and how his mind has been damaged. How his thoughts are so small. His threats of leaving me and all that. Somehow I let go of controlling anything. Live and let live. Oh. And he's at sacrament right now learning how to be a good person, whereas I'm a good person by nature. It isn't a contest on who is a good person. I don't "try" to be a good person. I am just being my natural self. I don't seek rewards for goodness.
I also told him I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life this past year, even with our marital problems. This blows his mind! He cannot understand how I am happier without the church and with a struggling marriage. But I am. He said I should find another church but I told him I don't need a church. He hates that I have all this free time while he is in the meetings. He wants me needy and searching. That way he will think it is because I betrayed God and his church and am paying the price for my disobedience. Instead I am finally beginning to thrive even among the ashes and it makes him confused.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2013 03:45PM by snuckafoodberry.

snuckafoodberry Wrote:
--------------------------
I understand your position and your choices. I too have gone the route of being civil, polite, decent, and respectful of everyone. It pays high dividends! Religion is not an issue.

I too didn't want to lose a marriage and the investment of time and love and extended family over a difference of opinion about religion. I had some rough times with a lot of nastiness and nonsense from one obstinate source. Fortunately they have changed their tune!

The more unconditional love I give, the better my life is.
I cannot carry the heavy baggage of negativity: hate, anger,bitterness,resentment, etc. I don't like being around people that exude those feelings, it's like very strong nasty perfume. Can't get away from it.

I have chosen to use the power of my mind to be positive, and accept everyone as-is. The result is that I find joy and freedom, happiness in all my relationships - works better with some than others, though.

I know when I am in a group of LDS folks, they will most likely be discussing the religion/church. I don't have a problem with that. If I have something to contribute, I will. Otherwise, I just accept that is the natural thing for like minded people to do. Same type of thing happened when I was working and met with colleagues-talk was about work subjects.

So far, I have been treated very well. I make it a point to be kind and pleasant and never find fault/criticize/attack/ re: religion. I sometimes state my position if I am comfortable doing that. It's rare though.

I'm fortunate in many ways. I do not live in the middle of a Mormon community or have many active believing Mormonism in my life very often. I do have LDS friends at differing stages of belief that I associate with.

I can't imagine the difficulty of some of you folks have.
I don't know how I would handle some of those situations.
My usual reaction would be to smile and ask questions about their personal lives, sports, ask for a good recipe for something and any other subject I can think of !



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2013 05:43PM by SusieQ#1.

I could have written this. I say that the lens I view them through has changed. I see them as these pathetic judgmental people who don't bother to think. I pity them. On the plus side I no longer feel under their thumb or a necessity to please them.

I am free! Free from caring about their judgement or trying to please them.

This is me! Yesterday I was at dinner with my husband, kids, and parents and it was as if they were incapable of discussing anything that is not church-related. Dad raved about how the end of the world is coming and the evil here just can't get much worse; Mom went on and on about the "uplifting, touching" new temple video; Hubs lamented that he hasn't gotten a chance to see it yet but hopefully will soon as he goes to a relative's temple wedding; and son discussed starting his first year of seminary. I just sat there in silence and felt like the only sane person in an asylum.

Haha! That's me to a tee!

I know the feeling.

They feel pity for me and I think they are brainwashed religion addicts. LOL.

Maybe this mutual feeling helps us get along.

To add to AngelCowgirl's statement, I decided long ago that the inmates are running the asylum called Earth. :-D
I've felt like an anthropologist on Mars for a long time now.

+1 zisterh

My sentiments exactly. My brainwashed TBM parents have lived their whole life in a wealthy California Morbot bubble.

The more distance the better, we have nothing in common anymore. They think we left the cult because we are lazy. LOL

I become less judgmental when I realize I, and many exmos, still cling to beliefs that are not "true" (I hate that word).

Many of us still believe that a wedding vow makes you like each other.

Or we believe that more money, or a certain house or boat or car, or whatever, will make us happy.

Or we believe that government programs and wars work well, and are necessary to help the poor and to keep us safe.

Or we believe in alchohol.

Or we believe in the public school system.

Many believe in feminism, and that men are the cause of evil, while women are all pure, sweet and innocent.

We still wear certain clothing because some fashion person decided it was in style and the "true" way to dress.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.