I attended the temple before leaving on a mission. When I first went, I had no idea about the covenants I'd be asked to make. These things were 'too sacred' to be spoken of outside of the temple. One would think that committing all of one's time, talent and energy to the church for the building up the kingdom of God would require some level of forethought and retrospection. But not for the church. My whole family was there. I had committed to go on a mission, dropped out of school, etc. What is one going to do? Get up and leave? Say no? It's really a covenant entered into under duress.

It's like being told that you must sign the most important contract of your life -- but you can't read the actual terms until AFTER it's signed it -- and after you're totally committed.

For some of us those terms included horrid death oats in which we enacted the slitting of our throats and our own disembowelment!

Then afterward came the final insult and intimidation when everyone in the family said, "Wasn't that so beautiful?"

Out of love and fear the only thing we could say was: "...yes..."

...the first rule of the temple is to not talk about the temple.

It's no wonder they have to keep it a sacred secret. If they taught you in primary and YM/YW what was going to happen, I think a lot of people by their teenage years would be like "holy crap I'm in a cult".

I felt I had to go through the temple or else I would have to cancel my wedding (I was getting married two days later).
I figured there would be a very good explaination after the ceremony, but all I got was family going "Oh, how spiritual and wonderful that was!"
I was just standing there thinking "wtf just happened?"

That's how I felt. I was getting married in a couple of months, my parents were there, my fiancee was there, and everybody else was good with it. I didn't even know what to ask/say after the fact.

I had the same experience of feeling ambushed and signing a lifetime contract under duress. I went before 1990 when it was a death/suicide oath and I couldn't even understand it while I was doing the stuff because there was so much to do and to remember and getting dressed and undressed so much...total confusion.

I remember when trying to go through again in the MTC and then realizing that I was making oaths to kill myself that I had a WTF moment....why should I kill myself?

It is so abusive. I would never support it ever.

In the law, a contract entered into under duress is not enforceable. Someone points a gun at you and says "sign this" and you do, and it's not enforceable later. The law also is skeptical of so called 'adhesion' contracts (i.e., the contract printed on the back of your parking receipt when you enter a parking garage). This contract usually says, "READ THIS - THIS LIMITS OUR LIABILITY". The law thinks this is not really a contract because there wasn't an opportunity for consent. Similarly, the temple ceremony doesn't provide an opportunity for informed consent and accordingly, you are not owned by the so-called church just because we bowed our heads and said yes.

I wouldn't say it was duress, but it was bait and switch.

My first time at the temple.

It was before temple prep classes. Not that it makes any difference. They don't teach you anything in those classes.

I'd been 18 for about 30 days. I'd met my inlaws the week before. I'd known my fiancee for about 90 days.

I was about 900 miles from home. I didn't even know how to drive. There were about 50 people at my wedding. None of my siblings were there, they were too young. Not a single friend. Only my mentally ill mother and out to lunch father.

I knew nothing about temple clothing. I started to cry when I was told I'd be wearing that crap over my beautiful dress. I couldn't wear my veil. I had to wear that ugly temple issued rag.

I was stunned that I had to sit across the room from my soon to be husband. Once I saw him though, I was glad. That hat just about put me in a fit of laughter. Were these people serious? It looked like a green and white clown show to me. I couldn't even begin to take in the death threats. I think I decided they weren't for real. I'd never known anyone who'd been gutted or their throat slit. Of course, I also didn't know anyone who talked about the temple rituals. Obviously my parents and future husband didn't. I bit my lip and made my way through it in spite of the urgent feeling to run. Actually it was more than a feeling. I could hear someone telling me to run. It's the closest thing to revelation I've ever had. My thought was....NOW you tell me? Now when I don't have a way to run?

In the sealing room for 15 minutes. I still wanted to run, but knew I couldn't. Run to where? There were hundreds of people I didn't know showing up at my reception in a couple of hours. My fiancee was the son of who's who in the Mormon town he came from. My parents would have beat some sense into me. I wasn't going anywhere.

Nothing felt better to me than getting dressed into my own clothes and getting out of that place. Something nobody knew, I wore MY OWN underwear out the door. I couldn't bring myself to keep that ugly one piece thing on. Never mind what my husband would think, I couldn't stand the sight of myself in that thing.

And that was my special, wonderful, wedding day. I didn't go back to the temple again for 20 years.