In case some of you do not know, I have been a gay activist for nearly 30 years. Over that time the battle for gay rights has been fought on many fronts, discrimination, gay bashing, gay suicide, AIDS (though a medical issue, it did become a gay rights issue) gay marriage, and gays in the military.

In all the nearly 30 years, none of these issues have gone away, there was always more battles to fight, a victory in one state meant there were still other states where the battles needed to be fought.

Well, late last night I stumbled across This video from the Marine Commandant to the troops.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qPn3V3KuhaM

I was, at first, astounded that the top brass was talking about gays (even though gays or homosexuals were never actually mentioned) as if they were as deserving as any anyone else. Later as I was going to bed it hit me, it's OVER. After nearly 30 years of fighting one gay rights issue has finally been won, the fight over gays in the military is basically over.

I would have thought I would have felt exuberant, but I don't. I'm feeling a strange sort of melancholy. How can I feel exuberant when all that has happened is that we finally got to were we should have been all along? Rather than celebrate, I want to turn to the people that have fought against us and say "fuck you, you bastards. Fuck you for making it so difficult to get here".

There is an anger over this issue that has motivated me into action. But now that DATD has been repealed, there is no need for that anger. I realize that it is time to set that anger aside and move on to other things, but that still leaves me melancholy. The thing is, this is a fight I never wanted to fight. I never wanted to divert the time and effort into such fights. I look back and see lots of time and effort spent over nearly 30 years just to get were everyone else is. It does not feel like a victory, it only feels like I am now allowed to stop fighting on this issue.

It has also made me very aware how sick and tired I am of all this BS. I just want to be treated like every other citizen and I'm sick of fighting for that recondition. I now realize that even when we win, all that effort and fight was just to level the playing field. It all seems like a big fucking waste.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2011 11:31AM by MJ.

I'm sure that blacks had similar feelings during the civil rights movement. And while there's been a victory, just like with the civil rights movement there is still a battle going on -- now it has to be fought person by person until everyone gets that bigotry and prejudice is harmful and hateful. I suspect part of your melancholy is simply that you realize that it's not over, even though there's been progress.

I'm sorry for how tough it's been. I'm sorry for once being a "believer" and for contributing to the problem. I'm sorry that people are so horrible to each other.

I recommend that you do something nice for yourself, take a bit of a break and don't resume your part in the battle until you've recharged a little. But I don't see you ending the battle in the long run. You're a fighter and committed to equality and justice. I admire you. :)

Everything you said is completely right and I know it in my head. I just need to process the feelings.

Funny thing, I have stepped back from the battle over the past 4 years. I have not taken a leadership role or committed to any on going action since I moved to Utah. In the past I always had significant commitments, now I just show up at protests and speak my mind. I am actually starting the process to get involved again, though I don't think I will be doing quite as much as in the past.

As far as re-energizing myself, what I need is a real good protest to go to. There is nothing I know of that recharges my activist sole as much as a good protest!

Thanks for the support, it does mean a lot. You have nothing to apologize for, people that were once part of the problem but have changed "sides" are the people that make the victory possible.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2011 11:56AM by MJ.

...to gays serving openly. Just a few weeks ago the Commandant was still making public statements against the repeal of DADT. So I guess he has submitted to the chain of command, because I doubt he had a miraculous conversion.

But, yeah, those who resist change just make the inevitable harder to reach. And a few years down the road, it's hard to remember what the big f-ing deal was.

It's normal to have a let down of sorts after battling a common enemy and winning. Just ask the millions that voted for Obama if they felt better trying to get him into office, than they feel now.

On top of that is what you described when you talked about doing all that work just to get to a precarious equality spot that you should have been at all along.

Fighting the big fight is always more rewarding than fighting the little fights that follow. Part of your feelings may be knowing that you won on a big fight, but you will yet have to wade through a thick sludge of ever present little things, over and over.

I don't want to make this political, but a certain politician found out that mission accomplished felt a lot more exuberant than cleaning up all the mess and wading through all the lesser things.

I'm betting that some of it also might be knowing that it'll be used against you by the unaware at best, or evil at worst. Just like it did with race and Obama. So many racists took that moment to say things like, "Now you have nothing at all to complain about, a black man is the President". As if that fixed the 10,000 other racial problems.

It was a victory for sure, and a large one for race. Yours was a big victory also. But there is still marriage equality, and a thousand lessor battles.

Perhaps you have battle fatigue. A very real fatigue that those of us who were born heterosexual got a free pass on. A constant drain that we don't pack around on our backs daily.

Sure some of us help try to lesson the load and help, but we don't really carry the weight on our own backs. It isn't the same drain and fatigue.

If possible, savor the victory; while knowing that there are more fights still to fight. More sludge to wade through. But this was a great victory.

>>Rather than celebrate, I want to turn to the people that have fought against us and say "fuck you, you bastards. Fuck you for making it so difficult to get here".

...because, even though that particular battle has now been won, there are dozens more to fight. Of course you're exhausted by it. How can you savor this victory knowing the rest of the war is still going on?

Those of us who have fought for it have been fighting for a very long time, against immense odds. It gets old.

For me the repeal of DADT was always a double-edged sword. Of course, I demand equal rights with heteros., but the big victory of 2010 means that Gays and Lesbians get to participate openly in maintaining the U.S. Empire, and kill and die in two illegal and immoral wars? woopie

But then again, anyone that pays taxes to the USA or any of the USA's allies are also supporting the USA empire.

I'm old enough to remember when fighting for gay rights was INSPIRING! We fought universal indifference to an epidemic, and laws that made being a homosexual illegal. I feel soooo sorry for the baby gays who life in a time when the big fights are about serving in the military and getting married.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2011 02:59PM by sonoma.

Several years ago, a gay female vet I knew laughingly remarked that if they took all the gays out of the military, they wouldn't have much of a military left!

This makes me wonder how long it will take before American gays finally get the right to marry and adopt. Where I come from, gays can get married in church for hell's sakes. I hope within the next 5 years.

re Stray Mutt "...to gays serving openly. Just a few weeks ago the Commandant was still making public statements against the repeal of DADT. So I guess he has submitted to the chain of command, because I doubt he had a miraculous conversion.

But, yeah, those who resist change just make the inevitable harder to reach. And a few years down the road, it's hard to remember what the big f-ing deal was.`"

As a professional Marine, he has to choices, respect the law of the land and get on with the program, or fall on his sword and resign. He chose the former.

We went thru this naus here in Canada in 1992, and once the decision was made, it was anti climactic. The troops got on with the program, no biggie, and I suspect that is going to be the American experience as well.

But I also have to say I almost want to punch General Amos for being disrespectful or gay Marines one day and talking about how marines are so respectful of each other the next. So, I have to keep telling myself that he is now doing exactly what I always wanted the Marine Commandant to do.

i personally believe that the repeal has helped poeple are finally allowed to be who they truely are instead of having to hide it. I understand that many people feel uncomfortable with the fact that someone is gay and might be your bunk mate, but it doesnt mean that they need to be treated like animals for it. I am 16 years old and i can see both sides more people need to have an open mind.

The only thing that has changed is the suppression of gays is no longer policy, what you see as two sides is a misrepresentation of fact. The gay haters can not longer try to use their immature discomfort as a reason for suppression.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2011 01:59PM by MJ.

(yeah the subject line sounded like an orgasm...on purpose)

This line: Rather than celebrate, I want to turn to the people that have fought against us and say "fuck you, you bastards. Fuck you for making it so difficult to get here".

EX.ACTLY.

When some tiny concession was made and given to black people(that should have been there all along) you could count on someone saying, 'Ya, mighty white of you Boss."

It's the fact that people had to fight for those rights, put themselves and everyone they know in danger, to get what they should have had in the first pace.

Victories will be taken, but we still would have rather just had them.
So yep, a little bitterness will be there too.

I used to take the standard TBM stance on homosexuality and gay marriage.

When I left the church, that was one of the things I thought a lot about, and it just didn't make sense anymore. Gays deserve the same rights and privileges as anyone else.

I want you to know that it wasn't just me that changed. My husband did as well, and my older kids are outspokenly supportive of gay rights (in Utah Valley). The cool thing is that most of their friends, who are mostly LDS kids, are also supportive of gay rights. Yeah, there are a few bigots at school, because my kids come home and complain about them.

But the tide is turning, even in Utah.

Part of the reason we have to keep fighting for acceptance is because of our love of young, more effeminate boys. We can't help it, it's how we're designed. Here is a link ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1556756

I've written about it on my blog and I really hope you'll take a look and see how you're not alone in this struggle for acceptance of who we really are goo(DOT)gl/a8Sc6

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!