I'm an exmo (left the day I moved out of my parents house at 18) My husband is a nevermo. Right now we live in a mid sized Montana town that is VERY conservative. If you're a woman here in your late 20s/early 30s like I am, you're very much looked down upon and shunned from any social circles if you don't have children (a lot like Utah). We've chosen not to have children, and won't be having any.
I have some friends here, but they've recently all quit their jobs to do the SAHM thing, and all they talk about is diapers and babies and preschool, and I feel left out. Its hard to have close relationships with someone when you no longer have anything in common. They no longer want to go out for dinner and drinks, or hiking or camping or riding horses for an afternoon. Basically, their whole lives are their children.
I own my own successful and growing business, and my husband has a good professional career that he can retire from in 7 years. We won't be staying where we are now. We want to go someplace where there are other young-ish (I'll be in my mid 30s, he'll be in his late 40s) professional people that we might have more in common with. I absolutely DO NOT want to go any place that is "family friendly" I want to live someplace with activities for ADULTS. We're considering Lake Havasu City, but I'd love to hear other ideas!
Please no place where "church" is the primary social group. I live someplace like that now and it drives me absolutely batty!
In a few years maybe Texas' economy will be back in its feet--try Austin or downtowns Dallas, Ft Worth or Houston. Absolutely great for you urban professionals growing families--they're going out of their way to attract people like you.
Just stay away from the 'burbs! Churches on every corner--opposite the Starbucks/Spec's Liquor Warehouse strip malls with their Taco Bell & McDonald's pad sites, of course!
...have sizable clusters of non-religious people. Even small-ish SLC. The trick is to look somewhere other than the suburbs, which are tailored for families. That's not to say ONLY families are religious or ALL families are religious, it's just that families and religion overlap a lot. Look for a city with an active and diverse nightlife. Also, college towns are good, unless it's a religious college.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2011 01:24PM by Stray Mutt.
Pick any large city and you will find plenty of people who share your agnosticism. My two youngest children live in Chicago and love it. We've visited them many times and find "Chicagoland" to be vibrant and amenable.
...and having been through the stage of life that you're at right now, I can tell you that most of the problem that you are having is due to your age. Let's face it, most women who are late 20's and early thirties are starting their families. You will have this problem pretty much anywhere you live (I've lived in some pretty liberal-leaning places, and it follows you everywhere.) Even career-oriented women will spend most of their downtime with their families. While it is possible to maintain relationships with women raising families, it will take a concerted effort on your part, and yes, a strong tolerance for discussion of diapers, teething, tantrums, etc. That's what's foremost on their minds at this stage of life. They are living a different lifestyle than you are, and you are in the minority.
Having said that, your best chance for finding compatible people would be in a medium-to-large sized city, or possibly one of the more liberal college towns. A ski or resort-type town is another possibility. If I were you, I'd seek out other childless couples in such a place.
Possibilities might include Seattle, Portland or Eugene Oregon, the Denver/Boulder area, or Chicago.
SFO is a beautiful city, but I tend not to recommend it because of the high cost of living/housing, and the relative difficulty in securing employment. What has been your experience with both, if I might ask? I have a young relative there now, and she loves it, but I do wonder about her long term prospects there with regard to the above issues.
compensating factors are that it's beautiful, liberal, has great weather and there are so many things to do in the city and so many great places to visit in the surrounding areas. The salaries tend to be higher in the bay area to help compensate for the high cost of housing.
i don't think it's any harder to find jobs here than it is in many other parts of the country. what field of work is your relative in?
...and currently works in a local restaurant there. She's also written articles for a major big-city newspaper (not in SFO) and I'd like to see her get back into writing. I noticed her talent for that at a very young age.
I'll definitely be looking into some of those places =) I would LOVE to live in San Francisco, but that will be a hard sell for my husband. I'll work on him though!
Our goal is to be able to pay cash for a house, or just have a small loan out on one, so that if we don't find jobs right away we can get by on my husband's retirement. Cost of living is going to be a HUGE deciding factor.
I don't begrudge anyone the time they spend with their families. I just like to think that friendship isn't dependent on whether or not I have children (I guess in some cases, it was) Its nice to know that there's others out there like me--childless by choice!
If cost of living is important, and you aren't too concerned about conservative state politics, Austin is the place, IMO. I hear decent things about Columbus, OH too...never been, but good mix of people, college town, decent cost of living. I do hate the Buckeyes though. ;)
The job market isn't the best, but I live in Portland Oregon and absolutely love it. I'm early twenties, young professional, atheist, and fit right in here. Tons of young people and transplants, mostly a quirky and educated crowd. Cost of living is pretty reasonable. Grew up in Seattle and would also recommend it, though it's pricier. The pacific northwest in general is pretty awesome. Good luck in your search!
Forgot to mention- I'm also not interested in kids.. Portland is home to a ridiculous number of breweries and the highest number of strip clubs per capita, so while there are certainly families and family-friendly areas here, the vast majority of entertainment is geared toward younger active folks.
Gotta second this one! I moved to Portland from SLC ten years ago and love it here! Unemployment is high right now, but if you are job searching before your move, it wouldn't be quite so risky.
Portland is quirky, a very unique city, lots of hippies, lots of environmentalists and lots of people who are non-religious. Be careful about outlying areas as you will still run into a lot of rednecks and right wingers. Also wouldn't recommend if rainy weather gets you down. We only have about two really good months of summer, but the summers are freakin gorgeous and not too hot! Tons of natural beauty, very green, many beautiful forest and breathtaking ocean beaches.
I forgot to mention that I have an exmo friend who lives in the Denver area and really likes it as well. It's close to Utah if you have family you will be visiting frequently. The climate is similar to Utah but without the Mormon crap. My friend is very outdoorsy and finds it a great place for bike riding and horseback riding as well.
I have lived all over the country and the world. I was also an international consultant for about 10 years. I have chosen to live in Louisville Kentucky after living most of my life west of the Mississippi. While it has a Baptist Seminary and a Presbyterian Seminary, they also have Churchill Downs and the Kentucky Derby. They produce huge quantities of Kentucky Bourbon of all types including Woodford Reserve, Jim Beam, Makers Mark, Jack Daniels and others. The inner city has been revitalized and have a vibrant arts and entertainment center. They have a noted theater group and an orchestra. The restaurants are fueled by the months of events surrounding the track and Derby. The food is more diverse than you would expect in a city many times the size of Louisville. There are two Mormon meetinghouses in the entire city. It is really rare to encounter a Mormon. It is a very manageable size. You can get anywhere in less than 1/2 hour.
There are quite a few large corporations with either headquarters or large offices in Atlanta, and lots of IT jobs. True there are overly religious people around the city, esp way out in rural areas, but the city population seems to be mostly people from somewhere else. Religion is rarely discussed if ever in my experience. Housing is pretty cheap in some areas as well.
Whoever suggested Spokane, WA, I am telling you right now-do not come here! I am a young, agnostic professional, and Spokane is all about being family friendly-tons of religious freaks and conservative weirdos here. We have some clubs and bars, but not all that many, and hardly any nightlife to speak of-most places are closed by 9:00 p.m.! Also, if you hate bad weather, the summers are scorching, the roads have potholes you could lose a truck in, the winters are freezing and icy. Furthermore, the job market is crap right now.