The thread "My Mormon boyfriend got me pregnant..." is closed now:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,997846

But I wanted to say, please keep in contact on the board. I feel awful for the situation you are in with your ex; However, you are obviously very strong and smart and will make a great mother.

However, you may be yoked to a baby-daddy whose family could make things very difficult for you.

While normally one would want to include the father in the baby's life as much as possible, this could be a very trying and stressful option in the long run. I would think seriously about the advice to keep out of contact if you can afford it. Your ex has not given any indication that contact would be worthwhile.

Be prepared for his family to attempt actions that could seem strange or shocking. If possible they will attempt to have you put the baby up for adoption to a Mormon couple. Depending on their situation, they could try to convince you to adopt to someone in their family.

They will probably blame you. Totally. Be prepared for that. Your ex has already shown that he values "avoiding the appearance of evil" over honesty and relationships. This may mean that he will not give an honest account of you and your relationship to his family or the bishop. Be prepared for crazy accusations. Sometimes a family will recruit the assistance of the Bishop to manipulate a pregnant girlfriend with "authority" and as the spokesman of God. As a nonMormon, this is less likely in your case, but be aware of this if anyone suggests meeting the bishop (it will be an attempt at manipulation).

I have had unpleasant experience with a similar situation. My younger brother also got a Catholic girl pregnant (I'll call her Mary), and then they broke up. My mother was extremely nice and sweet to Mary to start off with, smothering her with "kindness" (similar to the love-bombing that had occurred when she tried converting Mary during the relationship). Behind Mary's back, my mother was arranging for the child to be adopted to Mormon family, or alternatively to adopt the child herself (which became her preferred option). Then came the pressure to give up the child. First, it was "kind offers", which progressed to pressure and manipulation.

My mother waged such a battle for the baby! She saw it as "rescuing" her (it was a girl), and had no problems outright lying to anyone necessary, including the social services in our country. She made some awful accusations, including that Mary had been drinking etc, while pregnant, and looked at taking legal action. My mother's actions ended up disgusting me and some of our siblings - we contacted Mary's family and were able to provide them some support, and confronted our mother to try to get her to lay off (she backed away from the legal action).

In the end, Mary and her family decided to adopt the child to a Catholic couple. (My brother had no interest in taking responsibility for the baby himself). I am not sure if that is really what Mary wanted, I suspect she simply could not cope with having to deal with my mother on an ongoing basis if she kept the baby. Mary was absolutely adamant that the baby would NOT go to a Mormon family. It was a really stressful time for everyone, and even six months after the adoption, I had to argue my mother out of challenging it legally. She was actually insisting that she would win and have the baby taken off the new parents (who were oblivious, luckily). I could not believe she would do something so cruel, and it was only after I and other siblings were quite blunt about how nasty and awful her behavior was that she stopped.

I hope this horror story is not typical; although, if Mary had not had her family support, or if the exMormons in my family had not managed to rein in our mother, things could have gotten even worse.

So, please be cautious! Also remember it is important to reduce stress and take care of yourself during pregnancy.

I wish you all the best, let us know how you are doing, and know that you have a lot of support from the board.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/22/2013 06:42PM by spanner.