I grew up near BYU and developed severe ocd when I was 13. I couldn't serve a mission because of it and was shamed for it. No one would date me, but I was still faithful. I still believed the church was true and that I was the problem.

In 2013 I went out to boston and voluntarily was inpatient for 3 month in a ocd treatment facility. It was hell to get over my hand washing rituals. They also helped me with my scrupulosity by telling me about the real history with the church and I learned alot but still wasn't sure I should leave.

In 2017 I got my named removed but I still wasn't sure about my choice to leave. I just did it because I was fucking pissed at them but still wasn't sure if I should trust what I was taught out in boston.

Fast Forward to now. After 6 years of trauma therapy I finally feel that I made the right choice to leave and now know they are a corporation that blindly serves the devil. It was just so hard for me to accept that joseph smith could have made such an evil lie for money and power but it's the truth and the son of a bitch probably believed he was a good person.

I almost died once from the decades of shame. I overdosed on some druges but the e.r. was able to keep me from dying. It's my hope these bastards pay for what they did.

It's a terrible feeling we all share. That feeling that we will never get justice for what they did to our lives. Most of us were just children who didn't have a choice. I'm getting better but that shame has been really detrimental to my self esteem. I still have a hard time dating because my mind is thinking of all the byu students that wouldn't date me when I was a student there. Its fucking brutal down there if you don't fit in.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/06/2023 05:55AM by excultmember2023.